Month: November 2018

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What Gifts Will I Get The Ties For Christmas?

One Bow Tie o’ the Day gives us a mix of red and gold Christmas colors, while the other shows us wrapped Christmas gifts. Snoopy and Woodstock Tie o’ the Day suggests we write our wish list letter to Santa ASAP, before the deluge of letters from kids asking for ponies arrives at the North Pole. If you’re early with your requests, you have a better chance of getting what you want. The elves can only cobble so many toys, and items go quickly. You might not be able to get a rain check on some products.

As for the filled stocking Tie o’ the Day, all I can say is that whoever filled it with these dandy gifts must have been successful in the Black Friday chaos. And although Christmas is not about commercialization, gift giving is symbolic of the real “reason for the season.” The Three Wise Men didn’t show up empty-handed, and the gifts they carried had to be bought from someone. The gifts were things that had monetary value. They did not cost $0.00.

My point is this:  Although we decry the game of materializing Christmas by getting caught up in all the shopping, the giving of gifts to friends and family and charities we value is symbolic of higher values than the monetary values.

When we buy a gift for someone, we are giving them more than we stop to consider. It “costs” us the time we take to decide what exact things will show the message of singular care we feel for each separate recipient. It costs us the time to find and buy the gift. It costs us time to wrap a gift. And you know darn well you take the time to choose the “right” wrapping paper for each gift.

Also, a gift costs us part of our paycheck, which means it costs the time it took for you to work for the amount of money on the gift’s price tag. Most of us “spend” that time on many people. Time adds up. Time’s value is incalculable, folks. We each get a limited amount of it.

[If you MAKE things to give others, you’re probably spending significantly more time on gifts. However, you also spend money on purchasing whatever supplies or ingredients you will need to create your home-made offering.]

All of this is not to say that we can put a price on what a gift recipient means to us. A person on your gift list is not worth only the monetary value of the gift you give (or the number of gifts), just as your worth to the person who gives you a gift is not tied to the gift’s monetary value. The act of giving is the message.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 21 Bow ties. 52 Neckties.

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I Did A Whole Lotta Nothin’

Bow Tie o’ the Day is dashing in its Christmas colors, while Ties o’ the Day do not give a clue as to my activities for the day. As you can see from the photo, when I declare Pajama Day, we really have Pajama Day. Another thing you can see in this photo is that — surprise! surprise!– there is no Pajama Day rule that demands pj’s must match. The other halves of this pj combo are in a laundry basket. I have no idea how they all got separated in the first place. Maybe the socks taught the pj’s how to lose each other.

I can report that Suzanne has been– as I told you she would be–at her Ultimate SewingBox or at the ironing board all day. And do you know what she’s creating? Of course you do. She’s sewing me a Christmas cape I will be able to wear all Winter season. She has enough fabric left over to make another cape, but I don’t need two of the same cape.

I suggested Suzanne use the extra fabric to make a cape for herself, and then I immediately took back my words. A cape would not work for Suzanne. Even she agrees a cape is dangerous for her. She has a bit of a klutz-ocity problem, and capes can get caught in things. When we are out together in the world, I carry a piece of chalk so I can make chalk outlines around Suzanne when she falls on the ground– which she does consistently enough that I’m always running out of chalk. And to be completely honest, I carry the chalk in the house too. She’s clumsy.

Skitter’s day is going exactly as I told you it would in this morning’s post. As for me– well, I told you this morning I’d let you know how I ended up spending my day. I ate ice cream. I revised one of my poems. I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher. I ate a half-dozen bite size Kit Kats. Suzanne and I had a tiff, which we worked through without throwing irons at each other (we have 2 irons). I made a ham sandwich, which tasted amazingly like a ham sandwich. I played some solitaire on my phone. I took Skitter for her walkie. The satellite dish got snow on it, blocking the signal– so I climbed up the ladder, broom in hand, and scraped it off. Success! I made a list o’ errands and phone calls I need to take care of Monday. I watched Suzanne cut fabric for my new cape, and now I’m watching her sew it. I gave Skitter her chew treat after watching her do her “chew dance.” I wrote two TIE O’ THE DAY POSTS, for which I snapped pictures. That’s about all I did. One thing I did NOT do was go fishing with Santa and his reindeer.

But I thought you’d like the fishing Ties o’ the Day anyway.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 19 Bow ties. 50 Neckties.

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Finally, A Measurable Blanket O’ Flakes On The Grass!

Snowflake Bow Tie o’ the Day is accompanied by more snowpeople Ties o’ the Day. I particularly like the Santa snowman, created by the reindeer.

The snow falling outside makes it extra sure I’m declaring Pajama Day. I’d rather sit at the bigly windows and watch the world whiten up than go out into the scene. Suzanne’s sleeping in (like that’s a new weekend thing), but I’ll inform her of PJ Day as soon as I hear her stir.

I already know what the day will look like inside our house. Suzanne will spend all day wearing out the new flooring by skipping between the ironing board and her Ultimate SewingBox– which we pretend is our fireplace, cuz it takes up one entire living room wall. That’s how she will spend every minute of her day. That’s it. And do you know what? I enjoy watching Suzanne be sew happy. (See what I did there with the “so/sew” thing?) BTW Suzanne did come home from the JOANN’s sale yesterday with material with which to build me a Christmas cape. She’s a spot-on chooser o’ fabric. She also found a bow tie-shaped cookie cutter at JOANN’s. Goal!

Here’s what Skitter’s Pajama Day will be: the same as almost every day. She will curl up under her blanket, right next to me on the loveseat– until the alarm clock in her head tells her it’s 11 AM and, therefore, time for one of her three daily chews. (I’ll tell you all about her “chew dance” in another post.) She’ll eat her chew way too quickly, then she’ll want to potty out back. Today, she will be offended that her feet have to touch snow.

After consuming her morning chew, she will jump onto her bed on the couch, whereupon she will look at me from across the room with her eyes that say, “Hey, you! Can’t you see I need my blanket delicately arranged on my entire body? Don’t you know my routine?” And then, Skitter will sleep until late afternoon when we go on her walkie, stopping to pick up the mail on the way home.

And then she’ll curl up in her couch bed under her blanket again, until the alarm clock in her head tells her it’s 7 PM– time for her second chew o’ the day. Then back to the couch bed and blanket. Another backyard potty. More couch and blanket. One more backyard potty, then upstairs to her crate in the bedroom– where she gets what we call her “crate chew.” Whew! It’s nice when the kids are in bed.

No one knows when Skitter eats. She dares to drink her water in front of us, but she still won’t eat her actual food if we’re around. (She doesn’t mind eating her chews in front of us.) Oh, occasionally she’ll bring one piece of her dog food to one of her beds, where she chomps it voraciously. That’s all we ever actually see of her food-eatin’ . But her food bowl ends up empty, so we know she’s eating. Sneaky, skittish Skitter.

What will I do with today, in my Pajama Day attire? I dunno. I’ll let you know what happened. It’s what I do.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 18 Bow ties. 48 Neckties.

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Is Defense Allowed In Football Anymore? The Scores Are Higher Than Suzanne’s Fabric Bill.

These football Ties o’ Day are here to tell you that it is my firm belief the Christmas season begins with the football games on Thanksgiving. I should also say that Thanksgiving football could only be better if the Dallas Cowboys didn’t play every year. Ewwwww. That’s also my firm belief. (Go, Seahawks!)

We don’t do a bunch of Black Friday store-goin’– except for Suzanne annually spending the day after Tgiving at JOANN’s with her JOANN’s coupons. She’s there right this minute. I got a text from her about an hour after she’d entered the store, and she told me there still wasn’t a shopping cart available. Poor girl. She was carrying bolts of fabric in her arms, up and down the aisles. I offered to bring her a sled to haul her dry goods. She did text me after she’d been there another hour or so to say she finally got a cart, which means she can buy more material than she can carry. Oh, joy.

Suzanne is incredibly clever about the way things work at JOANN’s. For example, she knows that when it’s busy you have to take a number to get your material cut. What does Suzanne do? She doesn’t shop for her fabric first. Nope. She takes a number the minute she walks in, then  shops. Her number this morning was 02, and the cutters were on customer 71. Yay! Suzanne is only 31st in line for the scissors-wielding clerks. That’s better than some other years. Today, she’s been gone for almost four hours so far. JOANN’s is only two blocks from our house, so none of it is travel time.

I’m hoping she buys material for a cape. I really, really need her to sew me a new cape or two. It is the season of giving, you know. And I especially love her hand-made gifts. Capes are the grooviest. Did I say I want a cape for before-Christmas? Consider it said. Can you tell I want a cape? If you see Santa, please put in a good word about a new cape for me. And if you see Suzanne, do the same. I will never, ever ask her for anything again in my whole life if she will make me a cape. Cape, cape, cape. Hint, hint, hint.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY:  17 Bow Ties. 45 Neckties.

 

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Gaining A Pound Or Ten Over The Holidays Is To Be Expected

Tie o’ Yesterday’s hearty feast might give you the idea that we gobbled TV dinners for our turkey day meal, but that is not even close to the case. Suzanne and I decided to celebrate Thanksgiving by eating out. Not at McDonald’s . We had mid-day reservations for the billion-dollar Thanksgiving buffet at BAMBARA in SLC. We grazed and supped and grazed some more. We grazed until our grazers were sore. We were farctated. (Look it up.)

In fact, you’re seeing Tie o’ Yesterday all by itself in this photo because by the time we left BAMBARA, I was too rotund to fit in a selfie. I kid you not. The offerings were so yummy I ate three regular-size plates of food, plus one small plate of food. And then I hoovered up two plates of desserts. (Trust me. Suzanne kept up with me, plus she drank most of a bottle of what she reported to be a tasty bottle of an Idaho wine. It did smell good.)

I didn’t think you’d believe me about how much I ate, so I took notes as I chewed. I made a list of the foods I consumed, so here goes: shrimp; lobster; crab; scallops; oysters; grilled veggies; red quinoa salad; baby spinach with Stilton cheese and pomegranates; breaded baked mac and cheese; heirloom carrots; mashed potatoes; bacon and bleu cheese, potato, squash gratin; brioche, leek, and foie gras stuffing; roasted cauliflower with truffle and parmesan; turkey; king salmon; and a roll.

And then it was time for dessert. Here’s the list of confections I swallowed: an eclair; peanut butter cheesecake; an espresso tart; pecan pie in a chocolate crust; a macaroon; blueberry cake-bread; and raspberry, caramel date cake. I didn’t have room for the carrot cake and the pumpkin pie I had hoped to eat. I felt so sad about missing out on those two offerings. (Again, Suzanne kept up, and she even had enough room left for the pumpkin pie.)

Oh, and I drank three Diet Cokes.

I’m thinking Suzanne and I should head back to BAMBARA’s next Thanksgiving shindig. I’m positive we won’t need to eat again until then, so we’ll save enough on our food budget for the next year to be able to afford to attend again.

Last night I had to sleep it off– all that rich food and my Diet Coke’s. I’m pleased I didn’t wake up with a food-over this morning because Suzanne wants me to drive her to the JOANN sale ASAP, and I need to have a clear head for that excursion. If my brain’s a little hazy at JOANN’s, I will never see my debit card again. Must. Stay. Alert. At. JOANN’s.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 17 Bow ties. 40 Neckties.

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I’m Grateful For Gratitude, Thank You.

When we get all Thanksgiving-y, we tend to give thanks only for all the serious stuff that fills our lives– as we certainly should. But Turkey Tie o’ the Day reminds us to be thankful for silliness. For lightheartedness. For slapstick. For snort-laughs. For just kidding. For winks.

Merry Thanksgiving from The Tie Room.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 17 Bow ties. 39 Neckties.

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Double-check Your Feast Supplies

A bit about Ties o’ the Day, from left to right:

1. Thaw the turkey, folks. And if you don’t have a dead turkey to cook by now, you better go out and slay one for Tgiving dinner. Your guests expect a dead, cooked turkey.

2. Here are some yellow forks on a pink background to remind us to get the silverware polished up, washed, and ready for use at tomorrow’s feast. Chopsticks work too.

3. I love this clever tie covered in deviled eggs– pitchfork and horns included. Deviled eggs are tasty appetizers for the pre-dinner stand-around-talking part of the day. They are also a welcome thing to serve during the Tgiving football games.

4. This tie tricked me. When I first met it, I thought it was covered in Santa hats. Nope. Those are red Solo cups, which you might need tomorrow because the hoard of eaters at your house will each end up using at least two glasses. People tend to set down their drinking glasses o’ whatever drink you’re serving, then they forget which cup is theirs. They just go get another drinking glass, and VOILA! Soon, the good ones are all dirty. Don’t you dare waste time washing cups during your holiday. Pull out a tall stack of red Solo cups, and relax with your family and/or friends. Or ex-family. Or enemies. Or frenemies. Or whoever you invited to your gathering.

One Thanksgiving when I lived in Maryland, my ex and I were broke. We could have gone without a Thanksgiving dinner, without being too upset about it. But when you’ve got a kid, you can’t let a holiday slide. That’s just how it is: You can go without for yourself, but there ain’t no way you’re gonna make your kid do without. You do the best you can to make sure your kid gets some version of what a kid is supposed to have.

I scraped together the bucks I could and took myself to Safeway. I managed to afford to throw together a facsimile of a traditional Tgiving feast. Here’s what I cooked: two turkey legs (My ex and I shared one.); powdered mashed potatoes (I couldn’t afford the gravy.); Stovetop stuffing– made without butter; Pillsbury frozen biscuits; and orange Jello.

The highlight of the meal was the canned cranberry. We gathered around the card table while Devon shook the open can until it made the sucking noise which meant the cranberry was on its way out of the can to hit the plate and wobble. That was a highlight, as evidence by years of laughter about it.

Being broke can have its little joys, if you take the time and imagination to create them. I remember that particular Thanksgiving with fondness. We made it a fine day, which made the meal seem fabulous. We did not, however, have any leftovers.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 17 Bow ties. 38 Neckties.

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277 Words

Bow Tie o’ the Day gives us Christmas bulbs for use in Christmas light strings. Ah, back in the day, when one dead bulb broke the closed circuit, and the entire string o’ lights went dark. Was that enough inconvenience and disappointment? Nope. Because the light string couldn’t light up at all, you had to go through each bulb in the string to find out which one was dead.

Alack and alas! You had to run to the store for a new bulb. And, of course, every time you bought a replacement bulb, you bought plenty o’ spares. But no matter how many spare bulbs you bought you could never find one when the same bulb crisis happened the next year. Back to the long holiday lines in the store, you go. Perhaps in a one-horse, open sleigh.

Anyhoo… While working in the garage this week, Suzanne found a stack of her old photos. Check out Suzanne in her baptism picture. What a beauty! Suzanne says the barrette in her hair weighed a couple of pounds, so she’s surprised it stayed in her flowing locks. Check out her skirt that looks like a set of 70’s living room curtains. I don’t know how she could walk while wearing it. Maybe that’s why she’s sitting. And look at the pink shag rug upon which she sits. Wow! It’s Suzanne sitting on her throne. It’s the only throne she’s ever had. I know she doesn’t have a throne with me, because I have put her on a pedestal.

The pedestal is not covered in pink shag carpet. That would be going too far.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 17 Bow ties. 34 Neckties.

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One Single, Solitary Bow Tie. I Know! Right?!

Yup, here is just one measly Bow Tie o’ the Day, which is covered in pumpkins in honor of Thanksgiving pumpkin pie. Never fear, tie counters! Since Thanksgiving is part of the holiday season, we can count Bow Tie in our continuing tie tally.

This afternoon, Bow Tie and Suzanne and I found ourselves at one of my fave-rave eatin’ places in SLC, STANZA. Although we’re always trying new restaurants, STANZA’s been my go-to spot for a couple of years, but I’m feeling the need to switch it up. I love STANZA, but I’m getting the itch to find a new clubhouse from which to rule the universe.

The urge to move on began a few months ago when STANZA’s hostess, Gina, left for other pursuits. Gina always went ga-ga for my bow ties. STANZA just hasn’t been the same for me and my out-on-the-town bow ties since she left. I feel kinda bad about deciding to not be a regular anymore, because today they brought us yum-tastic free cannoli. It felt like it was a sweet goodbye gift. Fer sad!

When you look at this selfie, notice the small flames dancing in the fire box on STANZA’s patio, just outside our window. There were no tables and/or chairs waiting for us outside when we arrived, so we figured the staff preferred we eat in the great indoors. Outside would have been dreamy for me. I was was wearing a cape, so I was warm. And I was game for pulling up a couple of chairs to the fire and letting our waiter bring us hot toddies. Hell, we could have made s’mores. I would have shared with the entire STANZA staff. They’re wecome to come to our place for s’mores anytime. They must, however, bring Gina. Gina is their ticket to our back yard.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 16 Bow ties. 34 Neckties.

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Mom’s Life Is One Long Holiday

Bow Tie and Ties o’ the Day are here to remind you that celebrating Christmas isn’t all about presents and Christmas dinner. It’ about the goodies. And I mean real treats– not any of that bite-size leftover Halloween candy.

No, I mean all-things peppermint. I mean all things sugar cookies with too much frosting. I mean candy that is so rich with sugar, cream, chocolate and other not-healthy ingredients that it will cause you to lapse into a richness coma and give you a tummy ache– because you won’t be able to consume that stuff moderately. You will pig out, and then happily pay for it later. Xmas goodies are THAT kind of candy.

It makes me– and many, many, many others– selfishly sad that Mom has hung up her cooking pans and spoons, especially during the holidays. Part of my sadness is definitely about missing out on all the treats, but my overwhelming sadness is that Mom had such fun cooking treats for every person she knew or didn’t know. She doesn’t have that particular joy anymore.

Although Mom has a great attitude about not cooking Christmas treats anymore, she misses being in the midst of the whole process– which she would usually start around late-September. And she’d begin handing out bags/plates of the delicious stuff almost the day after she began. Mom did not make goodies and store them until December. No, she just cooked the stuff and gave it out from September through February. I guess the holiday season did not last long enough for Mom, so she just made it longer. Sounds like Mom to me.

I’m writing some scratch-and-sniff here for you. I guess it’s really more of a read-and-smell-and-taste thing. Read these words and use your memories to smell and taste the word. If you ever had the privilege to eat even one of Mom’s Christmas concoctions, I know you have never forgotten it. Here goes:

TOFFEE, CARAMELS, PINOCHE, FUDGE, FROSTED SUGAR SANTA CLAUS COOKIES, SUGARED WALNUTS, CARAMEL MARSHMALLOW POPCORN, BAKED POPCORN, and even ETC. Even Mom’s et cetera was incredible. See, those words themselves made your saliva glands pirouette and leap.

BTW  No one will ever produce close copies of Mom’s candy. Despite having two kitchen drawers and a number of scrap books full of recipes, Mom did not cook from recipes. She only seldomly took little hints from recipes. For her yummy treats especially, if you wanted a recipe for what you liked, she couldn’t give you an exact one. She would, however, invite you to come watch her as she cooked it. You could take as many notes as you wanted, but it never tasted the same as Mom’s.

FYI  I have found one commercial product that bears a similar taste to Mom’s baked popcorn. It’s the Werther’s Original Caramel Popcorn. Don’t get your hopes up too high, but if it reminded my taste buds of Mom’s baked popcorn, that means it probably tastes  a smidgen like it .

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 15 Bow ties. 34 Neckties.