Tie #1 o’ the Easter Eve Day has Snoopy and Woodstock being proud of their colored-dipped Easter eggs and basket. The Old Navy is a shirt o’ many colors. It was not dipped in colored vinegar and water. We are in true clash fashion today. We stand out, which means our duds are outstanding.
We went to Costco last evening to buy the giant package of toilet paper everyone buys there. (I think it’s a Costco membership requirement to buy that bigly t.p. pack each shopping trip.) The store was packed! I haven’t seen the place that busy even at Christmas time. All the check-outs were open for once, and the lines were still so long they reached 1/2 the length of the building. I kid you not. Crossing from one aisle to the next was like parting the Red Sea. It was a good thing I had my long wooden staff to hold up to the sky and command the shopping carts to part for us so we could safely cross. “Where’s your Moses now?”
Costco shopping is inevitably filled with Costco employees aiming sample-laden toothpicks at you. “Try this teriyaki butter cube!” “Sample this free-range, grass-fed, organic oregano loaf!”
When I went to college at THE Weber State University, I would occasionally starve because of empty pockets. Once when this happened, I resorted to making a list o’ food items, and then knocking on neighborhood doors, pretending to be on a scavenger hunt. “Hello. We’re having a party, and I’m supposed to come back with these things on this list, as fast as I can–so I can win a prize! Could you give me one slice of bread?” Eggs (not colored) were the best things to ask for. Very filling. What a Happy Meal!
And, of course, once when I was broke and hungry, I did go to Smith’s on a Saturday afternoon, when they were toothpicking samples at people. I sample-grazed through the store a couple of times, until my tummy quit growling. No one got hurt. No one got cheated. Nothing was stolen. And I didn’t starve to a painful death. On that full stomach, I most likely went back to my apartment and wrote an assigned essay about a topic like “Poetic Forms Found Scratched Into Public Restroom Walls.”
And although I wasn’t thinking about this at the time, I got a couple of snappy tblog stories out of my broke and hungry adventures. 😎