Day: November 30, 2020

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All I Want For Christmas

Bow Tie o’ the Day is a jolly red and green plaid diamond point. Meanwhile, back at the Tie Ranch in the Tie Room, I found these four Ties o’ the Day to represent four things I want for Christmas, but I know I have zero chance of receiving. First, I know I’m not getting a trip to anywhere with palm trees for X-mas this year. I won’t be wearing any of my Hawaiian shirts. I will have to content myself with mere memories of my feet in sand and surf from vacations o’ the past. Maybe next year.

I also will not be attending any bigly parties where the guests are plenty and the music is louder than any ear should be subject to hearing. Maybe in a few months.

Also, the cats-in-Santa-hats Tie reminds Skitter and me that we aren’t going to receive a kitty—ever. Suzanne has let us know that she is forever done with litter boxes and dustings of cat fur in the house. Suzanne can barely deal with evidence a dog lives with us. When we had three dogs at one time, years ago, I thought Suzanne would have to go into therapy in order to deal with her dogs-in-the-house problem. Fortunately, she survived that herd. She knows I will probably always have a dog around, but one dog is about as far as Suzanne can bend without her skull imploding. She liked having cats until 15 years ago, when she suddenly didn’t like it anymore. She’s now declared herself to be done with felines for the rest of her life, which means I have to be done forever with felines in the house too—which means Skitter will never know the wondrous irritations and annoyances of having a kitty sibling.

Lastly, motorcycle Tie reminds me I will not be receiving a motorcycle for Christmas. Suzanne is adamant that I am not to be riding such a machine. She didn’t mind that I had a motorcycle in the 80’s when we met, but as we get older, she is more and more concerned that I don’t take risks I don’t have to. She is petrified that I might die before she does, so I try to be safe. Maybe I won’t buy her a material object for Christmas. I’ll just tell her I’m giving her the gift of not pestering her for a motorcycle anymore.

Holiday Tie Tally: 81 Neckties. 16 Bow Ties.

Skitter’s Holiday Tie Tally: 10 Neckties.

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Our Dandy Pandemic Thanksgiving

I meant to post on Thanksgiving Day, but the fooding surprise strategy I chose was biglier than I originally planned. Even though I was feeding only myself and Suzanne for the feast, I had decided to make T-giving dinner last the whole day. Every few hours, I made and served one component of the meal. Our first menu item was—of course—Mom’s famous cheese bread, which we ate with greasy paws until all that was left of it was the foil upon which it had been baked. About three hours later, I waddled over to the crockpot to dish up the T-giving bird, which was not turkey. Instead of roasting the traditional fowl, I marinated and slow-cooked each of us a Cornish game hen. The hens certainly look like Munchkin turkeys. They are so tiny that it takes a long time to eat the meat off the teensy bones. But the birds were yummy. And do you know what? They tasted like chicken! Even Skitter said so.

A couple of hours later, it was time to pillage some stuffing. And in a few hours more, it was time for candied yams. Soon, it was 7:00 PM—time for the Zoom gathering with all the families in Suzanne’s family. It was fab to see everyone, and I thought it was a fun way to handle our little Thanksgiving-during-a-pandemic. I hope we only have to do it once, though. (A friend’s father died from COVID-19 the day before Thanksgiving, which reinforced our decision to stay home and not get together with our loved ones in person. Too many people close to us here have the virus and are so sick right now. #wearthedangmask)

I planned to cook more dishes Thursday evening, but we were too full, so I pledged to cook the rest of our T-giving meal components on Friday, which I did. We began Friday by finishing the stuffing and yam leftovers. We began anew later, with some salty turkey bacon. After a few hours, I broke out a round of pickled beets. And later still, I served up tater tots in lieu of traditional mashed potatoes. We crowned our all-day Friday Thanksgiving dinner with a pumpkin pie stand-in of Pumpkin Spice Cheesecake flavor Red Button ice cream, as well as Red Button’s Cranberry White Chocolate flavor ice cream. No, I did not make green jello or funeral potatoes. Seriously, I don’t know how I ever thought I could cram the cornucopia o’ meal courses into just one official Thanksgiving day.

We still haven’t been hungry enough to open the cranberry sauce yet. We’ll get to that soon, I’m sure, cuz it just ain’t the feast holidays until you hear the suck of the jellied cranberry blob being expelled from the can.

Holiday Tie Tally: 77 Neckties. 15 Bow Ties.

Skitter’s Holiday Tie Tally: 9 Neckties.