Pieces of neckwear can act like a trail of clues, as mine are doing this afternoon.
I wrote in my earlier post that I had woken up on the wrong side of my bipolarity this morning, so I wasn’t feeling quite right in the noggin. After I posted, I realized I hadn’t made it clear which side of the bipolarity I woke up on. Well, it was the depressive side of the pendulum.
As of this moment, I’m moving farther and farther to that side of my crazy head. I know how my bipolar cycles work, so I know what to expect. Because of that, I don’t usually panic about the depression. So far, it has always passed. The pendulum always swings back to the middle. And then it swings to one extreme or the other again. There is no rhyme or reason to when the pendulum moves, which way it moves, or how long it will hover when it stops to taunt me.
Anyhoo… Bow Tie o’ the Day and kitty Tie o’ the Day are based on the movie BAD SANTA. I’ve never seen the movie. I tried to watch it, but drifted off in bored disgust. It was rank. I chose to wear these pieces of neckwear today because of my mood, which is dark, bad, mean, annoyed, impatient, paralyzed, weary, hopeless……. It really is okay though, because I understand what’s going on. Even when it’s scary, I know it will pass. My mood will change.
Sometimes creating TIE O’ THE DAY gets me through a tough day: it provides me a purpose, when I don’t feel like I have one. I try to be disciplined about posting twice per day. If I do that, at the end of a day when I feel like a waste of soul-space, I can tell myself I accomplished something– however tiny a feat it might be.
CHRISTMAS VACATION Tie o’ the Day is the clue that tells you I was thinking it might be a good idea– in light of my below-down mood– to go in for some electroshock therapy. If it’s good enough for Clark Griswold, it’s good enough for me.
Rockin’ Tie o’ the Day is what I’m doing right now to try to bring my mood up a level or two. I’m in my loft writing, and listening to music: MUMFORD AND SONS’ recent release, BAND OF HORSES’ everything, and KACEY MUSGRAVES’ Christmas cd. So far that’s my playlist this afternoon. Music helps me deal with whichever extreme I’m feeling in my bipolarity, but I have to be mindful of what kind of music I choose during any given mood. Cranking up Hank Williams’ (Sr.) heartbreak songs is not conducive to moving out of depression. And listening to heavy metal is absolutely the wrong antidote for mania.
So far I’ve been able to successfully manage my bipolarity. I mean, I am still alive and kickin’. Knock on wood. Being alive is success. I am fully aware that my head disease can– and probably will– advance as I age. That doesn’t terrify me. I don’t know why it doesn’t, but it doesn’t. I am right here, right now. My ties surf my moods with me, always protecting me from ennui and danger. They’ve got my back. Actually, I guess they have my front, eh?
HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 35 Bow Ties. 89 Neckties.
