What Else Can I Be?

Skitter can’t be in this photo because she’s outside pottying while wearing her french fries costume. She decided she didn’t want to wear any other costumes today. That’s how much she likes french fries. Spooky Tie o’ the Day provides decorative jack-o-lanterns for our Halloweening.

As you can see, I chose to wear a Helen A. Wright costume. How could I not? She claims she’s a witch. She claims Halloween is her day for riding her sharpened broom. She claims she is frightening when her hairs are not did.

Now, let me make some important comments about the finer points of this costume.

First– Mom’s hair. This is the best I could do to imitate Mom’s pre- Hair Day mop, cuz my hairs are now much longer than hers. If Mom’s hairs get out of control before Hair Day, she puts in a few curlers. She uses bobby pins to keep the curlers in place, but I have also seen her use toothpicks to do it when she can’t locate the bobby pins. Mom is creative when it comes to keeping the hairs in line. Don’t get me started on how many cans of hairspray she goes through in a week. And I must add that for some reason Mom always thinks she needs a perm. “My hair just needs a little oomph,” she says. “I need that height.”

The second item I need to explain is this set of reading glasses. I don’t know if you can see it, but the left lens is gone, and the right ear bar of the frame is gone too. This doesn’t mean Mom thinks the glasses should be thrown away. No, they should stick around– just in case. I managed to grab this pair one day when I saw its condition– forcing her to use the new pair I bought her.

Our third item needing commentary is the earrings. I borrowed these from Suzanne to give you an example, but they are not clip-on earrings like Mom likes to wear. Also, Mom prefers to wear earrings with a cluster of big colorful jewels. Mom will choose costume jewelry over precious stones every time. When Mom was still living in Delta, but was too frail to go to church, the ward priesthood guys brought the Sacrament to her at her house. She wore her duster and sat on the porch to wait for the Sacrament deliverers. And she insisted on wearing earrings for them, even though she was wearing a duster.

Fourth– the duster. Except for when Mom gussies up to attend church, I have not seen her dressed in anything but a duster for at least four years. It is her uniform. It’s like my ties are for me. It’s how we roll. BTW  Mom prefers to wear her worn out dusters rather than her newer ones. They are softer. And they are see-through. Sheer makes her happy, I guess.

Fifth– the socks. Although these are my socks, Mom would wear them in a heartbeat. She loves wild, comfy socks. For the last few years, crazy socks have been the only gifts Suzanne and I have given her for Christmas, birthday, and Mother’s Day. We are always on the lookout for bright, busy, soft ankle socks. Mom doesn’t have to wear a matching pair. She mixes ’em up. She doesn’t try to mix-and-not-match up on purpose like I do. But she’s fine with the not-matchy, if she can’t find a sock’s mate.

And finally– that newspaper tucked under “Mom’s” arm is, of course, THE CHRONICLE. It’s hers. If you value your fingers, don’t touch it. ‘Nuff said.

Do You Want Halloween Fries With That?

Jack-o-lantern Tie o’ the Day decided to go with a clever costume. Tie clipped on a bow and declared, “I’m a BOW TIE o’ the Day.” Skitter and I went with the silly vibe costume, using the all-that-and-a-bag-of-chips phrase. We decided we are “all that and an order of fries.” Note that Skitter is so content and patient in her fry costume that she tends to nod off.

These are our morning costumes. We have different costumes for later in the day. But for now, we’re wearing our fries as we fill up the candy bowl. As usual, we had to wait to fill it until Suzanne is at work, because candy isn’t sanctioned on her diet, and she tends to grab any visible sweet that shows its face.

I am always the designated candy giver-outer on Halloween evening. I rule the door. I rule the candy bowl. I don’t care how old you are: you are welcome to knock on our door for a goodie. You are not welcome to come back for seconds. And you are not welcome to ask for extra candy for your siblings who are sick and had to stay home. Yeah right, I don’t think so. Believe me, if you try those ploys, I will give you a come-to-Jesus talkin’ to that will be ringing in your ears until New Year’s Eve.

If Suzanne’s home from work when the little treat-seekers come knockin’, and she wants to sneak some candy, she knows better. She’d have to wrestle me for the candy bowl, and she knows she shouldn’t try that– because she knows that despite my peace-love-harmony nature, I am one tough fighter. And, like any champion fighter, I fight dirty. The fight over candy is over before it starts. I win. TKO.

In the end, I give Suzanne a scrap or two of the sweets. You know the kind I let her have. I give her the “bad” candy that not even kids really want– like those Dum Dum suckers and Bit-o-Honey’s. I always buy “bad” candy as a back-up for in case I run out of the good stuff. “Bad” candy is cheap. That’s how you can tell it’s the “bad” candy.” 👻 🎃 🤖 👽 👾 💀 👹 ☠️