Day: October 17, 2018

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I Care About Suzanne’s Ultimate SewingBox’s Feelings

While Suzanne was at work, The Ultimate SewingBox seemed lonely every time I glanced in its direction this afternoon. I figured dressing up its chair might convince it someone was sitting at it. Maybe The Ultimate SewingBox would be convinced it wasn’t alone.

My presence in the room is somehow not enough, even though I’m an actual person. The Ultimate SewingBox doesn’t dislike me, but it hasn’t taken to me. I think that’s because I don’t sit down at it and utilize its many cool features. I can’t appreciate it like Suzanne does, and it knows that fact.

I could tell Tie o’ the Day’s paisley did the trick. I swear I saw The Ultimate SewingBox begin to smile when it noticed the chair was “occupied.” It made an imaginary friend. And now, I will probably need to dress the chair each day, or The Ultimate SewingBox will be extra sad and lonely. It’s my own fault. I couldn’t stand its loneliness. I guess I started a daily tradition.

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Fear, Songs, And Foot-stompin’

Bow Tie o’ the Day is brand spankin’ fresh. It appeared in the mailbox just a few days ago. The only problem I personally have when wearing spider designs around my neck, is that I get the No Doubt song, “Spiderwebs” stuck in my head for a couple of days. I like the song, but there is no song in the universe wonderful enough that I can stand it to be repeated in my brain constantly for two days. Between the repetitions of “Spiderwebs,” sometimes my head throws in a few repetitions of No Doubt’s “Don’t Speak” and “I’m Just A Girl,” which are absolutely remarkable songs.

Suzanne has an issue with spiders, so she hasn’t seen Bow Tie in person yet. And I’ll make sure she doesn’t. This picture will be probably all she can tolerate. I guess she could just not look at me while I’m wearing any of my spider neckwear, but that would be almost impossible for her to do, since we actually live in the same house. And it’s not easy to not look at me, because of the hypnotic effect my blinding fashion choices create.

Now I’m not saying I have a love affair with spiders, but I must admit that I do like smashing the damn things when they cross my path. There’s something about the sound of that tiny spider-crunch under my shoe that puts a bigly smile on my face. That crunch makes me feel like a slayer o’ dragons, which makes me feel mighty tough.

And, of course, I always brag to Suzanne about my spider killings. It earns me points with her that I would do something she considers dangerous, in order to save her from what scares her. I rack up the goodwill points with each trophy spider I slay.  I hope it doesn’t make me an unethical spider hunter that we don’t eat what I kill. 🕸 👟 🕷