Month: October 2020

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Magazines Happen

I meant to write a post this morning, but I made the mistake of looking at the new VOGUE magazine, and I fell right into it. When I finally climbed out of its pages, this is how I looked. The Halloween hair Bow Tie o’ the Day is certainly something I’d wear. But this “outfit”—I haven’t got a clue what it even purports to be. Is it a pajama top? Is it a snooty swimming suit? Is it formal scuba-wear? Is it simply whatever clothing can be formed out of bigly pleats and a bigly button? I hope it’s not supposed to be a cocktail dress. I’m investigating this further, but I can guarantee you that whatever I discover this outfit to be, it will cost an obscene amount of money. High fashion is like that.

FYI Just a few minutes ago, I visited the website where this piece of designer fashion is found. The website says it is a jacket. It costs only $6,700. Oh, goodie! I’ll be sure to pick up a dozen of them to give out as Christmas gifts this year.

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People Think We Do Nothing

Yes, it’s true. Skitter and I spend our days doing nothing more than sitting around the townhouse wearing her Tie/Bow Tie o’ the Day collars and her cowboy hats. It’s what we do, and it’s why we make the bigly bucks. 💰

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The Amusement Park For Bow Ties

[This is a requested re-post from our trip to Taos, NM last October. Re-enjoy.]

We planned our vacay to Taos kinda last-minute, so we had slim pickins’ for our accommodations. Thus, our condo was not as bigly as we’d normally choose. It was nice, but tiny. We walked in the door to see nary a bed. And you know what that means: Murphy bed! It turned out to be relatively comfy. No complaints from us.

But Candy Corn Bow Tie On A Shelf o’ the Day had never seen such a thing as a Murphy bed before. To Bow Tie, it was an amusement park ride. When we were in the room, Bow Tie did nothing but open the doors, pull down the bed, jump on the bed, push up the bed, close the doors—over and over and over again. Yes, I admit that on a few occasions I just put the bed up and closed the doors with Bow Tie still playing on it. We deserved a little peace, thank you very much.

I guess we can’t really complain about Bow Tie’s Murphy bed antics. Playing on a Murphy bed in Taos was a lot cheaper than taking Bow Tie to Disneyworld for a week.

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Another Creepy Face O’ Mine

My creepy face in this morning’s photo reminded me about this photo, in which I find my visage to be almost as creepy. This snapshot is from the early 2000’s. I am shown here with my Sister Who Wishes To Remain Nameless, at the Pub in Delta. You can see I was at what I call “my beer-drinkin’ weight.”

I hope I don’t look like this regularly, but the creepiness is there in my eyes sometimes. They make me look like I’m hatching a plan to commit mayhem and slay zombies. With my mesmerEYEzing eyes, I could sell used cars, or hypnotize people to write-in my name for President on their ballots. Hey, I’m always in search of a new experience. Your eyelids are getting very heavy….You are getting sleeeeepy…..sleeeeepy…..

BTW When I started TIE O’ THE DAY, my Sister Who Wishes To Remain Nameless was hesitant to have her real name mentioned on it, even though most of y’all know her name anyway. Someone asked me recently if I think she will ever let me refer to her by her actual name, and my answer to that question is this: Even if SWWTRN says it’s okay to use her name, I won’t refer to her in any way other than SWWTRN—because after all these years, SWWTRN is now a real character on the tblog. It makes me chuckle every time I type those capital letters.

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It’s Frightful

This photo is from a December 2018 visit we had with Mom at MCR. Leg lamp Tie o’ the Day is, of course, from my Christmas neckwear collection. Don’t be afraid! I’m not rolling out the X-mas ties quite yet. But I thought this would be an appropriate post picture for the Halloween season because it shows me with a truly creepy look on my face. Mom is happy, though, so what else matters?

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Don’t Spill On This Tie

This Tie o’ the Day is a keeper, no matter what. If Suzanne ever orders me to get rid of all but 10 ties, this would be one of the lucky 10 I would never let go. It’s a treat for the eyes, and it has a gleeful vibe to it. I feel like skipping when I wear it, and there aren’t a whole lot of things that inspire skipping in me anymore—which is probably a good thing because people who don’t already know me seem to be a tad bit disturbed about a 56-year-old woman skipping down the sidewalk in a stunning Tie o’ the Day. On the other hand, my friends and neighbors wave at me exuberantly—egging me on in my skippy neckwear antics. Ah, my people!

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Paisley Boo

There’s nothing better than a paisley Tie o’ the Day, unless you can find one with a skull-and-crossbones inside each paisle. I’m on my way to the grocery store this morning, with my shopping list which once again says I need to get Halloween candy. I’m not ashamed to say that this happens to me every October. It doesn’t matter how often I go grocery shopping in October, my shopping list always says, “Halloween candy.” I’m always buying it, and I’m always out of it long before the holiday comes around. I just sample a couple of pieces of whatever treats I hide in the pantry, and suddenly, it’s all gone. At some point in each Halloween season, I break down and buy the “bad” candy that even the kids sneer at: the fake Smarties, the no-name chocolate coins. But I end up sampling those specimens, only to find I have the uncanny ability to acquire a taste for the cheap stuff.

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Yes, There Is A Coloring Book For Everything

Skitter’s showing off her ghost-and-owl Halloween Tie o’ the Day, while I am pleased to wrap a Day of the Dead-themed Bow Tie o’ the Day around my neck. I’m most proud to wear my “SPREAD EMPATHY” Face Mask o’ the Day. It’s a sentiment I completely believe in. I wholeheartedly recommend it to others.

During the pandemic, we have been good citizens about staying home whenever possible. I putter around in the piles of my poetry manuscripts, and through stacks of half-read books. Suzanne has spent most of her down-time with her coloring books. She hasn’t been as crochet-y or sew-y as in the past. She says nothing’s wrong: she just happens to be in a coloring phase—every pandemic evening after work. She swears coloring relaxes her, and I can tell that it truly does.

I do my best to make sure that she has every Sharpie marker color ever made, and I occasionally go online to hunt for interesting coloring books for her. I ordered QUARANTINE QUEENS for her a couple of months ago. It’s not as funny as it could have been, and a more accurate title would be PANDEMIC QUEENS. However, the coloring book does have a few clever gems, like this Suzanne-completed page showing a fitness tracker which has counted the wearer’s movement through the whole 23 steps traveled in a pandemic day. I realize that I myself probably haven’t taken a total of 23 steps in the entire time since mid-March, and I don’t feel a bit guilty about it. Every inch of my skin feels a little flaccid these days, but not a bit guilty.

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Candy Corn Is Yummy, Once A Year

Skitter wanted to show off her new candy corn Tie o’ the Day, so I dug around in the Tie Room’s closet o’ props to find my bigly candy corn Bow Tie o’ the Day. I don’t mind posing with Skitter for photos, but I don’t know why she thinks she has to lick my face every time I’m that close to her. She always has stinky breath, no matter how often I get the tartar chiseled off her aging teeth. Maybe I’ll commission Suzanne to make Skitter a teeny canine mask to wear when we’re doing bigly photo shoots—to help Skitter keep her icky breath to herself.

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Any Excuse For A Political Party

When we received our ballots in the mail, it was cause for celebration. We love to exercise our citizenship muscle by voting. Suzanne and I donned our patriotic Bow Ties o’ the Day. (Skitter wore her starry, starry Tie o’ the Day.) We placed our party hats atop our heads, and Suzanne went online to find the voter information to help us figure out whether the judges were worth keeping, as well as what all those Utah amendments were about. At one point, Suzanne’s face got a bit overwhelmed with trying to decipher the voter information.

I had promised Suzanne that our ballot-filling-out would be accompanied by only red, white, and blue food. I didn’t want to go grocery shopping yesterday, so I made do with what we had in the house already: RED cherry Twizzler pull ‘n’ peel licorice; BLUEberry muffins; and pork chops—”the other WHITE meat.”