My shattered-look wood Bow Tie o’ the Day and I had a hardware store list. Suzanne had her own hardware store list. We always have all kinds of lists going, and whenever our lists get long enough that it’s worth the trip to go out into the pandemicky stores, we go. And so it was, for our hardware store lists. We headed down the road to our local Home Depot.
I needed screws for my new license plates. After 13 years of holding the old plates on my car, two of the screws’ heads popped clean off the screwy part when I tried to loosen them. Two others were rusted and stripped by the time I was able to wrest them out of their holes to replace my plates. Suzanne even had to come to my rescue with one of her drills. Now that’s a frightening sight. If Suzanne is wielding a drill, stand back and don’t talk. Just let her work. She successfully got the decapitated screws out of their holes, sure enough. After the old plates were off, I went directly to the garage closet, where we had every size o’ screw ever manufactured—except the one size I needed to properly secure my plates. That’s how screws got on my hardware store list.
While at the Home Depot, I noticed Suzanne had “bulbs” on her list. You have to understand that I am the Light Bulb Stocker. I make sure we always have plenty. They are on a shelf in the garage closet, right by the mountain of toilet paper and paper towels I keep well-stocked. As I asked Suzanne what bulbs she needed me to get, I myself yelled “OOPSIE!” inside my own brain. I had skipped breakfast and lunch, and my thinking was two beats behind. Suzanne needed bulbs for planting in the garden. Yeah, that kind of bulb. Duh!
Another item I needed was a pack of razor blades. Plain old razor blades. I’m scraping off my out-dated bumper stickers, so I can plaster my vehicles with new ones. For whatever reason, single-edge razor blades have never been a product I keep stockpiled. But as I walked my masked self down the aisles of Home Depot in search of the razor blade section, I realized I could be buying razor blades for the last time in my life. It occurred to me that I am “at that age” when I can start saying that about certain products, and never have to put them on a list again. It was a liberating and exciting moment for me when I saw the 100-pack of razor blades staring right at me. I cannot picture a scenario in which—even if I live forty more years—I could possibly need more than 100 single-edge razor blades. For $7, my utility razor blade needs are met for life and beyond. I crossed that item off my list for good, with a bigly fat grin on my face. What a weight off my overburdened shoulders that is. 🤡