Day: August 5, 2020

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My Dream Shirt O’ The Day

I wasn’t looking for a new shirt. I have plenty. I was buying Skitter’s dog food online, and I happened to see this shirt. I was speechless and felt lucky to have come upon it. I did not check my piggy bank. I did not check the balance on my debit card. I just ordered the shirt, as soon as I calmed down enough to do it. I had to have this shirt. It is, however, a bit roomy for me. To be precise, it is two pillows too big for me. I don’t care. It has to belong to me.

I know. You think I should exchange it for a smaller size. Nope. Not possible. Large is the only size which was still available, so I gladly took it. And even if there were other sizes, no matter which size I ordered, chances are that it would be wrong. I hate buying clothes online. You never know how the size is going to correspond to the size printed on the tag. I am tired of hearing that sizes are universal. To that, I say, “Fake news!” I have a whole closet of shirts that proves sizes are in no way uniform. According to the tags in the shirts hanging in my closet, I wear the size S, M, L, and XL. And they all fit me the very same. I know the laws of physics well enough to know that my one body is not 4 different sizes at once. Universal sizing does not exist.

Anyhoo… I’m keeping this bigly shirt, thank you very much. Scream Tie o’ the Day agrees I should. I probably won’t wear the shirt with the pillows added, however. Maybe I’ll wear it as a bathrobe.

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My Wordly Possessions Are Sometimes Odd

If you’re a regular reader of TIE O’ THE DAY, you know that I often use this forum to thank Suzanne for her patience with my off-beat whims. She comes home from slaving at her office to find things like bow ties hanging from the chandelier-y light fixture, or a tie “stripping” on the lamp pole. I could go on and on. She comes upon little neckwear scenes all through the house. I tell her to ignore what she sees. “It’s a TIE O’ THE DAY thing,” I tell her, before she even mentions anything about whatever it is. But, by now, she already knows that’s the case.

Once again, Suzanne deserves my gratitude. Why? Because yesterday, under the stairs, I found my 2012 Presidential Candidates Chia pets. I gleefully dragged Romney and Obama out onto the dining table, where they will likely sit, unboxed, in all their Chia glory until after the upcoming election. I fully intend to grow their plant-y “hairs.” I will be seeding and watering their Chia heads as per the instructions. I hope the Chia seeds will still work. They are at least 8 years old, of course.

Suzanne won’t complain about the non-talking heads on the table. She will simply work around the Chia heads’ presence in the house where they will be visible to anyone who is here. Obviously, I will post TIE O’ THE DAY updates on Romney’s and Obama’s Chia growth. Perhaps the plant hairs’ growth will somehow predict the outcome of the 2020 Presidential Election. To be fair, I made sure my Bow Tie o’ the Day is covered in red-white-and-blue donkeys and elephants. Stay tuned.