Shotgun shells Tie o’ the Day is one of those ties your face has to be no more than an inch away from, in order for you to decipher what it is. Tie is named by its maker “The Buck Starts Here.” As in buckshot. Clever, eh? My neckwear collection is overflowing at this point, so a tie/bow tie has to have a little extra sumpin’ sumpin’ about it, to be worthy of me adding it to the population of The Tie Room. Clearly, I like Tie. It’s a surprise to have any kind of weaponry on a tie– let alone bullets.
Tonight, Tie and I have made ourselves a pot roast. I haven’t made a pot roast for two or three years, at least. Suzanne started eating a specific diet a few years ago, and pot roast is not on its list of approved menu items. Actually, she can eat the roast if it’s a beef roast, but she’s not allowed to consume the potatoes or carrots. And if you can’t eat the potatoes and carrots with your roast, you ain’t eatin’ an official pot roast.
I’m supportive of Suzanne’s new eating habits. She’s lost 65 pounds. I feel guilty if I eat certain things in front of her, so I try not to do that. And because I don’t want to tempt her into eating her forbidden foods, I wait until she’s not around before I cook the not-good-for-Suzanne recipes. Like pot roast. Suzanne is out at a work dinner tonight, so I am free. Free, I tell you. I’ve thrown food caution to the food wind, and built myself a feast. I’d invite y’all over, but I’m so over-hungry for what I’ve cooked that I don’t want to share it this time. Next time, maybe.
And after I eat, I have to make certain I get rid of all the evidence. There can be no leftovers in the fridge, and I will definitely have to air out the house. There must be no trace of an old-fashioned, meat-and-‘tatoes dinner.
I like carbs and fat. So sue me.
