And Now It’s Time For This Iconic Selfie, Plus Another

This is the third year in a row I have posted the same pix of me wearing this onesie/thong holiday-wear which some reader sent me in 2020. So far, the first photo is perfect for showing off this revealing oddity o’ clothing someone so graciously gifted me, so I don’t yet feel the need to take new selfies. Note that I’m also wearing a Rudolph Bow Tie o’ the Day, as well as a Rudolph Necktie o’ the Day. The blue-and-gold paisley Face Mask o’ the Day is a crowning touch to my get-up. It looks lush, if I do say so myself. 🦌

Banned Books o’ the Day: Today, I’m re-reading a couple of once-banned books published in the early 70’s. The first, THE CONTEMPORARY AMERICAN POETS: AMERICAN POETRY SINCE 1940 (edited by Mark Strand), was once the target of banning by a group of really feeble university poetry professors who thought it would poison the minds of poetry readers, because most of the poems in the book don’t rhyme and don’t follow traditional poetic forms. I have a feeling those old goats all passed on long ago—so modern poetry is safe from further judgment by those ol’ relics of the Snooty Rhymes-and-Forms Poetry Club .

The second banned book is THE WORLD SPLIT OPEN: FOUR CENTURIES OF WOMEN POETS IN ENGLAND AND AMERICA, 1552-1950 (edited by Louise Bernikow). And what was the reason for trying to ban this collection? Some goober male wanna-be poet was offended that there were no male poets represented in the book. Hello! The title tells you way, way, way up front that the book’s purpose is to be a collection of poetry written by women. Oy, vey! I cannot make up this asinine reasoning.

Oddly enough, I bought both of these banned books at Deseret Book in the University Mall, in Orem, around 1978. At that time, that particular Deseret Book store’s poetry section—as far as I can recall—had only these two poetry anthologies; every Rod McKuen book known to the Library of Congress; a Carol Lynn Pearson book or two (but not her books with the poems about life sometimes being a messy business); and one very dusty copy of a book of Elizabeth Barrett Browning poems—in which Browning counts the ways. That was it—out of all the poetry written since recorded time, that was the entirety of Deseret Book’s poetry section back then. So I bought these two purportedly scandalous anthologies, and the Rod McKuen and Carol Lynn Pearson books. I already had Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s poetry tucked away at home, in my bedroom library. In those days, I bought whatever poetry I could find, wherever I could find it. I guess it’s kinda like what I still do, eh?

It’s That Time Again

Yup, it’s time once again for me to display the annual Balls ‘n’ Ho’s neckties and bow ties photo. It’s become a Christmas tradition for TIE O’ THE DAY. These photos don’t show all of my Balls ‘n’ Ho’s neckwear, but this is a bigly chunk of it. You can see I enlisted 2 of my Chuck Brown Christmas trees to aid me with the theme. Just as the Balls ‘n’ Ho’s post is a tradition, it is also a tradition for me to make few/zero comments about the theme, and to let you know you are free to make your own jokes about the display, among your own people. (Just don’t make ’em hateful.) Hey, a wee bit o’ irreverence is good for dealing with the inherent stresses of the holiday season. I promise. ☃️

Banned Books o’ Today: I am re-reading Harriet Beecher Stowe’s UNCLE TOM’S CABIN, and Richard Wright’s NATIVE SON. (Are you beginning to recognize a theme here, about what kind of books get banned?)

I Didn’t Mean To Write About Mom, But I Did

We here at TIE O’ THE DAY believe that you can never have enough leg lamps of any ilk. It’s just plain true that 2 real leg lamps and 1 leg lamp Tie o’ the Day make a jolly trio in the house. When I next drive down to Deltassippi to visit Mom at the care center, I will be wearing this same tie. I wear it for her at least once every Christmas season. In fact, she has one of my A CHRISTMAS STORY leg lamps in her room there. It is tiny and plugs into a regular electrical outlet. It is visible on one of her tables or in her window most of the time. Tie o’ the Day will make Mom laugh throughout the entire visit. Mom’s short-term memory is such that she will see and enjoy the leg lamp tie the minute we walk in her room, then she’ll forget it, then 10 minutes later she will notice it again, and so on—as if every time she notices the tie, it’s the first time she’s seen it that day. (Mom loves A CHRISTMAS STORY. I think it was BT/Mercedes’ family who introduced the movie to Mom.)

For a while now, Mom has had a tendency to repeat her stories, jokes, and questions. But she still knows who we are and remembers enough about us to have conversations about our lives. She has, however, begun to ask me how many kids she had, and which one am I. She seems to remember from the early-30’s up to the mid-80’s pretty well, for the most part. Sometimes now she mixes up who did what and where. But we never correct her. We heard the stories when her memory was great, so we know who did what and where. If you happen to run into her at the care center this holiday season, I suggest you let her know who you are and who your parents are. Chances are, she’ll be able to place you or at least your family, and you can enjoy a fun conversation with her. No matter what she remembers or doesn’t remember, she’s still got her spunk, her compassionate heart, and her humor. She is still a joy to be around.

I didn’t intend to write about Mom today. The words simply fell out of my fingertips. I miss Mom every day. Lately, I can’t think about her without crying, as I’m doing now. I miss her even when I’m with her. I am already in mourning for her, though she’s still here with us. She’s Mom, but she is not wholly Mom. Pieces of her are no longer part of her. I mourn those pieces—her wildly aware and knowing love; her full-of-stories memory; and her astute cognition. Her hugs are not whole anymore either. But they are precious to me beyond any riches or success I might ever have. 💎 💰 🏆

Today’s Banned Books: I’m re-reading OF MICE AND MEN, by John Steinbeck, and Anne Frank’s DIARY OF A YOUNG GIRL. Two literary classics.

We Interrupt Our Holiday Tie Posts For This Important Milestone

Our Tie o’ the Day in this photo belongs to my niece, the dapper Amanda Jo Tucker—which is a name she is generally not known by. She has always been called Mimi. Mimi belongs to my oldest sister, BT/Mercedes and Nuk. Like me, she is the baby of her family. Like me, she is the 5th of 5 siblings. Mimi and I have been tight since the Pre-existence, when were were often caught together laughing way too loudly and making the other spirits laugh louder than that. I refer to her as my Wee Doppelganger. We share interests, humor, and cultural knowledge of things before our time and beyond our years. I tell y’all these things because I am flat-out proud of Mimi’s latest accomplishment. As of a couple of days ago, Mimi achieved 6 years of sobriety. Clap now! And clap loudly! 👏🏻 And Mimi, I will tell you what I sometimes have to tell myself: “You can have a drink tomorrow.” Fortunately, it is always today. 🥛

I Can’t Not See The Words On My Arms

Tie o’ the Day displays a colorful gaggle of Santa-hatted hot peppers. I would be generous and give this tie to Gary of the Hot Condiments if I thought he would ever wear a tie, but he won’t. So I won’t. My Shirt o’ the Day is full of Christmas gnomes, although this photo doesn’t display them well. I will wear it again soon in a different pose, so you can see the gnome clan. Wearing gnomes makes me want to come up with a joke whose punchline is punny, like “gnomenclature.” I’ll get right on that assignment.

I’ve topped off today’s attire with my gingerbread people sun hat. My kindness and empathy tats go with every outfit, whether they are visible or not. They are never out of style, if you use them. This time of year, we always talk bigly about kindness, empathy, compassion, and peace. But there are people who are in need of these things every day of the year—not just on holidays. I think we should make it a habit to put these ideas to work every day, whenever we see the need. I know I’m blessed with what these words mean. Are you? I think it’s our responsibility to share our blessings with those who are deprived of the love and security we might have plenty of. We can offer friendship to the lonely and despondent. Just look around, and you will see need. We can make an impact on the suffering of others—one person or one family at a time. I guarantee you there is need in your own neighborhood right now, if you will pay attention.

Today’s Banned Book I’ve been re-reading: John Steinbeck’s EAST OF EDEN. This is what I consider to be the first intensely grown-up novel I had ever read, probably when I was in 6th grade. It was also the longest book I had read up to that point. I had heard of John Steinbeck’s OF MICE AND MEN (which has itself been banned at times from some school districts’ bookshelves) but I hadn’t read it yet. On a trip with Mom, to the University Mall in Orem, this was the only John Steinbeck book I managed to find in a bookstore. EAST OF EDEN is, in essence, a re-telling of the Old Testament stories of the Garden of Eden, and Cain and Abel. (Remember, this Steinbeck book is where I also got the name Abra for my Maverick.) In EAST OF EDEN, I learned a word that I have thought of almost every day of my life since I read the book: timshel. Timshel is a Hebrew word meaning the freedom to chose between good and evil. It loosely translates as “thou mayest choose.” The word has been a kind of North Star for me over the decades. No matter the situation—the problem, the failure, the disappointment, the success, the reward, the triumph, the whatever—it is always up to me to make the choice between acting for good (which I’ll call love) or acting for evil (which I’ll call hate). I alone determine what kind of person I am, what kind of actions and vibrations I add to the world. With each bigly or tiny choice I make, I make myself in my own image. I hope the image turns out to be a noble one.

Just The Facts, Ma’am

I am a lover of facts. Even if I don’t like the facts, I like knowing them because they are the truth. I am no denier of a public health crisis, the safety of vaccines, US election results, or of where a certain US president was born. One thing I have found myself to be denying recently is the season of the year in which we all find ourselves: Fall. I have caught myself denying that summer is gone. It doesn’t make it true, but I’ll be stubborn about staying in my denial for as long as I want. If I turn up the heater to its highest temperature, being warm in shorts is not a problem. I can easily spend time denying summer is truly gone—as long as I don’t look outside or go outside. But I am fully aware of the fact that my denial of Fall is my own fake denial. There’s reality, and then there’s the reality of my pretending. Reality and pretending: folks, they are two very different things. I’m still festively attired for Christmas, but my Tie o’ the Day tells you what I’d prefer to be shoveling. Please note my socks are labeled: Sock 1 and Sock 2. 🏖

Banned Books I’m re-reading today: Lorraine Hansberry’s play, A RAISIN IN THE SUN, and Maya Angelou’s novel, I KNOW WHY THE CAGED BIRD SINGS. I give ’em each a thumbs-up, just like I did when I first read them in the DHS library when I was in 7th grade. However, I do want to make one general statement about I KNOW WHY THE CAGED BIRD SINGS. I think we should worry less about banning this book, in which a child is raped—and has to deal with the awful aftermath of the rape. I think our time would be better spent educating our sons about how rape is always wrong, and about how rape not only causes physical damage to a girl’s/woman’s body, it can maim—and even kill—parts of a woman’s soul. We can make it clear to all the men in our lives that rape is unacceptable. Rape is what we should try to ban. If rape were not such a common atrocity for girls/women in real life, it wouldn’t be represented so often in the stories written about women—fact and fiction. And BTW, guys: there is no “joke” about rape that is funny. Personally, I grew tired of those jokes the first time I heard one.

Two More Things About This Past Weekend

Although my dad died 15 years ago on Dec. 4th, yesterday is also a happily significant date in our family because my grandnephew, Bosten, was born on this date a few years before Dad’s passing—so the two of them got to pal around with each other often. So Merry Birthday, Bos! I will not state Bosten’s age here, because it makes his mom, Kathi, feel too, too old. I will say that Bosten is still in high school, so that gives those of you outside the family a clue about how many trips he’s made around the sun. When Bosten’s sister, Ronni, was born a few months after Dad passed, her parents named her after Dad. When Ronni learned to talk, and the topic of Dad came up, she was adamant that she had spent time with him and knew exactly who he was. I don’t doubt it one bit.

Also, yesterday, I “decorated” the pantry for Christmas. It was easy. I simply put the green Folgers (decaffed) coffee right next to the red Folgers (caffed) coffee. Bite Me Tie o’ the Day was a bigly help to me in that never-did-it-before decorating job. 👔

Various Musings About My Weekend

I got bored with figuring out the nonsensical sets of instructions for the bookcase and the end table I needed to put together, so I simply scheduled a visit from a tasker on TaskRabbit. Someone named Leah showed up Sunday afternoon, and in less than an hour, Leah had assembled both pieces of furniture—while Suzanne and I sat on our butts and streamed the latest episode of Dateline. That’s Leah in the background of the photo, assembling my end table on the kitchen island. Notice I didn’t Christmas-up my Bow Tie o’ the Day or any of my other attire for her visit. I have found it is best to not weird-out visitors at our house on their first visit. If Leah comes back to task for us in the future, I will surely pull out all the clash fashion stops. I will dress as myself.

Sunday marked 15 years since my Dad’s death. I woke up thinking of Dad hunting coyotes every morning before showing up at the counter at Top’s Cafe for his morning cup o’ coffee. I quickly made a playlist of songs Dad liked and sent it to my siblings. The playlist was full of only country music, of course.

On a less serious side, Saturday I watched a vet show on Animal Planet. A pig was being treated for something-or-other. It was kinda cute, in a muddy-fat-pig sort of way, but I was dismayed that the poor critter had a forgettable name—which I have forgotten. But it got me to pondering about what name I would come up with as a more interesting name for a pig. I went right to Hamilton or Hamlet. Or Piggy Lee. But I also like Sir Francis Bacon for a pig name. Or maybe I’d go simple and just name my pig Kevin, as in Kevin Bacon.

It Flies, It Soars, And So Much Of It Is Already Gone

I chose a pine-cone-and-berry Bow Tie o’ the Day, and coupled it with my dogs-and-cats-in-Santa-hats Shirt o’ the Day. Don’t miss the peppermint stick stripes of the Pocket Square o’ the Day. And note the glittery, gold reindeer antlers head band I was able to set atop my Hat o’ the Day: my beloved fedora I’ve had since 1984, just before I graduated from WSU. That makes the hat 38 years old. The fedora is still in astoundingly dapper shape both for being that old, and for having been dragged across the country to live with me in Virginia, then Maryland, and then back to Utah again—where I and my fedora have lived now for 22 consecutive years.

Time does fly. I feel it fly more quickly now that I can see the end of my mortality coming closer. My death used to be statistically so far ahead of me that I rarely considered it. I think about it a little bit more often these days. In fact, I must admit the topic comes into my mind in some way or another almost daily now—especially since my Cranky Hanky Panky has had to have two major surgeries within 3 years. I don’t obsess over what I hope is my far-in-the-future passing, but there are legal and financial things that need to be put into place, so somebody else doesn’t have to figure out what I would have wanted done. And you know all the material things we spend decades of our lives accumulating? A great deal of that has got to go. I don’t want to leave all that stuff for anybody else to have to deal with when I die, so I am—for the most part—done accumulating. And while I am still walking the earth, I’m now working on passing on things I’ve acquired. It’ll probably take me years to accomplish this feat, but I intend to gift my eclectic and eccentric collections to various people who I think will be most likely to take care of my beloved objects with tenderness, just like I have done while I’ve owned them. I have always tried my best to be mindful of my various and sundry stewardships—stewardships of material stuff, of people and animals in my life, of the rights I have as a citizen of the USA, and of all that I’ve learned and know to be true. I have tried to tend to my beliefs and love my neighbors, always. I’m in a good place in my soul, and death, whenever it comes, is nothing I fear at all. 🎀 🎄