Month: September 2021

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And Now I Regret It

Things started out so well this morning. I had a Zoom doctor appointment, for which I chose to wear my Bow Tie o’ the Day of red and white polka dots. Skitter chose to wear her oranges Tie o’ the Day. After my appointment, I then cooked myself a nice breakfast of a few teensy pork chops. While they were cooking away, I wrote a little poem I immediately shredded because it was mean-spirited, and I don’t really do mean-spirited. I needed to write it and get it out of my system, but nobody needs to read it and get all offended by what amounted to a passing mood I simply needed to work through in my own mind.

I ate my well-seared chops, but had one left over. I’m sure you know who had been staring politely at my fork throughout every bite of breakfast I had put in my mouth. Now, we make it a point to never feed Skitter people food. Except for all the times when we do. She was eyeing that left over pork chop like it was a pot o’ doggie gold, which I guess—to her—it was. Her nose sniffed the air more dramatically than Elizabeth Montgomery’s in BEWITCHED. C’mon, folks! How could I not put a tiny pork chop in her bowl? I had to do it—after I cut off all the fat, of course. So Skitter ate her chop in no time. Just as quickly, she curled up in her bed for her mid-morning nap.

Fast forward about three hours. Skitter’s bed sat right beside me as I got some reading done. And then it happened. It happened once, then twice. Skitter let pork chop doggie farts. Silent, but deadly. I finally put on my first Mask o’ the Day to save myself from the stench. It wasn’t enough. I put a second Mask o’ the Day over the first one. Two masks at a time seemed to do an adequate job of keeping me from passing out, as Skitter’s gas kept wafting through the room in invisible waves o’ danger. She’s never been a particularly gassy dog, but it’s clear she is getting older, and so are her pipes. No more pork chops for The Skit, no matter how much she enjoys them. Even as I type this, she is sound asleep in her mid-afternoon nap—probably dreaming of bacon—and farting with gusto all the while. 🐶😷

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The Department Of Helenland Security

Apparently, my Facebook account was hacked last night or early today, as many FB friends already know. It seems some of my FB friends were sent a video from me, which really wasn’t from me at all. If you received the video link, DON’T OPEN IT! Nobody knows what it is, but it ain’t from me. Let’s be cyber safe, boys and girls! And that means not opening files of any sort when we aren’t sure where they came from or what they are. Trust me—if I ever send y’all a link to something, I will be clear about what it is. I will make sure it’s safe before I send it. Sorry for any inconvenience that the link I didn’t really send might have caused you. (www.tie-o-the-day.com was not harmed.)

Having said all of that, it won’t surprise you to know that keyboard Tie o’ the Day and I have spent most of the day investigating how this relatively minor mix-up happened. I don’t have any sensical answers yet, and I hate not having answers. I spent a couple of hours changing passwords and running overall security checks on the three computers I use. Everything checks out as A-OK. But seriously, what demented soul would want to hack a Facebook blog about ties? Could there possibly be another tie-obsessed, eccentric writer out there who is jealous enough of my neckwear posts that they feel the need to steal them? As far as I can tell, writing about ties is not a competitive sport. But I suppose I could be wrong. 💻🖥⌨️👔

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Mayhaps I Need A Bite To Eat

It’s true: I wear my heart on my sleeve, as they say. I always have and I always will. I am not shy of letting it be known what matters to me, and what doesn’t. And for dang sure nobody who knows me has to wonder how I feel about them. I wear it all on my sleeve, pant leg, and hat brim—24/7. My heart is out there for all to see. But what y’all probably don’t know is that I sometimes wear my food on my Bow Tie o’ the Day (which is something they don’t say). Today was just such a day, as I grocery shopped at Harmon’s while wearing this bigly bow tie. One look at Bow Tie and you can rest assured I filled my sanitized shopping cart with nothing but fixin’s to make pizza, cheeseburgers, hotdogs, and fries. I’ll be sure to set a paper plate for you.🍕🍔🌭🍟

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Summer, 1978

With Labor Day now behind us, summer 2021 is gone, too. As I was going through some files yesterday, I stumbled upon this photographic gem of me in the front yard of my family’s home. I was 14 that summer. I think the head in the corner of the pic belongs to my nephew, Ronnie, who would have been 2 at the time. I’ve never had to recognize him by just his head before, but I’m almost certain this shaded noggin belongs to him. The Bow Tie o’ the Day I’ve drawn on my neck here is further proof that every look is vastly improved with the right neckwear.

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The Debut O’ The Piglets

I’ve had some new earrings I’ve been wanting to try out on a Saturday night, and yesterday Suzanne sent me a text from upstairs that said we were going to SLC to dinner for the evening. Finally, I had a place to wear my piggie earrings out on the town for all to see. I took an up-close pic of the chubby earrings so y’all can see both the front and back of my tiny pink friends. Since we haven’t been out a lot lately, I decided to be as formal and black tie-y as I get—with my fave black shirt (the oldest shirt I own, from the 80’s) and my black-background flip-flop Bow Tie o’ the Evening. Likewise, I went black vinyl with my record album Face Mask o’ the Evening.

Suzanne had made reservations for us at PAGO, where we filled up on some of our favorite foods. I almost ordered the pork chop, just to maintain the piggie-theme of the night, but I ended up opting for the steak. Suzanne, of course, ordered the scallops. We are very predictable sometimes. Suzanne chose a sauvignon blanc to drink, which she said was tasterrific, and I can verify that her wine smelled nummy and made my mouth water. I sometimes wonder if Suzanne gets weary of my sniffing her wine selections, but it’s not like I’m going to quit doing it, so we both might as well get over it if it’s a problem. I think Suzanne will agree that probably our best discovery of the night was an appetizer made with beets, strawberries, goat cheese, and candied quinoa. The true gem within the appetizer was the pickled strawberries. We didn’t know pickled strawberries even existed, and now we will never forget they do. We will be ordering them at PAGO again, soon.

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The Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades

This is one of my fave wood Bow Ties o’ the Day. I tend to wear it when I’m on vacation. It helps me see the sights better. I have missed wearing it since the pandemic began, which is when we quit vacationing, of course. Today, I decided to dust Bow Tie off and make some plans. I’m looking into some far away escapades I’m sure I’ll tell y’all about in the near future.

Last evening, we had one HAIL of a late-summer thunderstorm! It was wet, and loud, and flashy, and the petrichor smell was as wonderful as it has ever been. The hail was itself a plunking wonder on the outdoor furniture. We paid a lot of attention to the stormy shebang because Skitter was not just skittish about the storm: Skitter was petrified into a ball in her bed. I covered her with her blanket and explained to her that any doggie blanket made by Suzanne is impenetrable by both bad weather and monsters, so she would be completely safe under it. I think her brain believed me, but her thunder-hearing, hail-hearing ears were skeptical. The storm didn’t cause any real damage, but it managed to cause our DirecTV to lose its signal even before the first raindrop fell. I am always mystified that the tv signal can travel all the way to and from satellites in space with no problem, but it can’t make it through raindrops and snowflakes. 📺⛈☔️

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Cuz 3 New Ties O’ The Day Are Better Than 1

My long-awaited surgery was supposed to be this morning, but—as I’ve explained over the last two days—there is currently no room at the Huntsman Inn for me and my Cranky Hanky Panky. I’m now scheduled to be cut open October 14. I hope they’ll have a hospital room for me by then. This drawn-out process has gotten to me, bigly. I told Suzanne to hide the X-Acto knife, because I’m about tempted to resort to self-help. I might just have to dig out that pancreatic stone on my own. I hate to whine, but the stoopid stone is painful.

So, what did I do with my no-surgery day? I went shopping for neckwear, of course, and I discovered something I had heretofore not known. I told you in a post a few weeks ago about how I found Halloween candy on the grocery store shelves at 12:01 AM on July 5th. Well, today I discovered that Christmas neckties are already in some stores in September. What a fantabulous thing to find out! For me, at least. Yes, I found 3 Christmas neckties to add to my enormous holiday collection. I’m guesstimating these 3 ties are getting me close to a total of 300 Christmas ties. I am not even going to try to wear all of them this upcoming season, so if you don’t see your favorites during the build-up to Christmas 2021, you’ll just have to stay tuned to TIE O’ THE DAY next year, and the next, and so on. I promise it will be worth your while.

BTW In this photo, I am dressed almost entirely in blue-and-white stripes: see my shorts, my shirt, and my hat. (I think I’m missing Dad and his striped overalls.) I chose super-long, neon green-striped socks and some animal print Sloggers for variation. You’ll also notice that it’s clear I didn’t learn to “strike a pose” in a traditional modeling school.

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Distracting Myself

For the most part, I have worked my way through yesterday’s anger at my surgery being postponed due to an influx of COVID-19 patients at Huntsman. I am now skulking my way through the deep puddles of merely disappointment and disillusion. It’s funny how much I don’t want to have surgery at all, yet I feel disheartened that I can’t have it as planned. Before I got the news about surgery being postponed, I was already in not-happy shape. A few days ago I had learned that Mom has entered a new phase of her life: she is now on oxygen 24/7 and will be doing most of her remaining earthly travel by wheelchair. She is generally well for being almost-91, and she is still generally her joyous, feisty, old broad self. But her new situation is yet another move closer toward her being reunited with Dad. We know it, and she knows it. Even I get tired of the phrase, “circle of life,” but that’s the truth of what it is. Yeah, I guess you could say this has not been my favorite week of my life.

It’s a good thing I have TIE O’ THE DAY to play around with. It’s the perfect distraction for me— a diversion from all things worrisome, painful, or downright boring. You’ve seen some of my wood bow ties which attach to collarless shirts by way of two magnets. They work brilliantly as bow ties for t-shirts. Today, I did some experimenting with what else I can attach with a magnet to create my own original Bow Ties o’ the Day. Here are a few bow ties I came up with, which I thought you might enjoy seeing.

  1. Tiny, pink coin purse Bow Tie o’ the Day, in case I find a penny on the ground.
  2. Paper clips Bow Tie o’ the Day, in case I need to organize some papers.
  3. Steak knife Bow Tie o’ the Day, in case I run into a thick steak during my travels.
  4. Cowboy-hat-and-red-bandana mini stapler Bow Tie o’ the Day, in case I want to put up a flyer on a cork board or electrical pole.
  5. Rotary cutter Bow Tie o’ the Day, in case I get literally wrapped-up in a bolt of aggressive fabric and need to escape.
  6. Disposable razor Bow Tie o’ the Day, in case I suddenly need to shave my white legs.
  7. EpiPen Bow Tie o’ the Day, in case I run into a bee’s stinger.
  8. Altoids Bow Tie o’ the Day, in case I am afraid of my own breath.