Tie o’ the Day is also Bow Ties o’ the Day. They’re all being a little matchy with my raggedy cowboy Hat o’ the Day. I’ll survive the matchiness just fine cuz it does look snappy.
I dressed for going out today, although I never actually went anywhere. Instead, I did all kinds of house chores in my good duds. My efforts don’t show, however. My choring ended up being mostly tasks which must get done, even though no one else will notice them. My list was full of things like the following: de-squeaking the doors (which took longer than it should have cuz I had to find the WD-40); untangling the cords under my computer table; putting new light bulbs in the high ceiling fixtures; and dusting baseboards. I swear, the work is more interesting when you dress up to do it.
A day like this is not uncommon for me. And when I have one, I begin to feel really guilty about what I did, or didn’t do, all day. This happens to me right around the time Suzanne is on her way home from work. Today, I feel the need to apologize for doing only the “invisible” housework. I will most likely apologize to her when she walks into the house, before she’s even hung up her keys. And then she’ll tell me to quit apologizing for it. I know she doesn’t give a darn what I do with my days, but I still feel like I should apologize for EVERYTHING not getting done EVERY DAY. Apologies and excuses just fall out of my face. I know it annoys her sometimes. Heck, it annoys me too.
I’ve been mulling it over. Why do I apologize for being unable to do the impossible? I know you do it too. How is it that we can know that “x” can’t ever be perfect, but we still feel the desperate need to apologize for not making it perfect, 24/7?
Maybe part of it is because we know we really could do a little better at whatever it is we do. Maybe another reason is we appreciate what someone does for us, but we don’t feel like we are doing nearly as much. We feel inadequate, but instead of thanking that person for what they do, we apologize for the x, y, and z which we didn’t get perfect. We take it out on ourselves. Maybe we need to appreciate our own efforts a bit more. Mostly, I think we need to remind ourselves we’re as imperfectly human as anyone we apologize to.
Hey, I’m gonna try an experiment. For the next 24 hours, if I feel like I need to apologize to someone for something I didn’t get done (or something I did get done but not perfectly), I’m not going to apologize. Instead, I’m going to thank that person for something they do. This experiment will be disastrous or enlightening. I’ll report how it worked out. If you don’t ever hear from me again, you’ll know my behavioral experiment was a dangerous, failed undertaking which Suzanne didn’t appreciate. 😬🙀
