Day: January 11, 2019

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Don’t Ya Feel Better Just By Looking at It?

Bow Tie o’ the Day is helping me out on this gray January day. It brandishes colors galore, which even seem to be perking up our little Skitter. Skitter’s still hibernating most hours of the day, but when she’s awake her eyes are brighter and she is more playful than she was last week.

Skitter’s version of “play” means she lifts each front paw to the height of her head, usually one at a time, and then does KARATE KID “wax on, wax off” motions. I do the same back to her with my arms and hands. We can do that back and forth for quite a while. Skitter always starts our play session. I always end it when I decide we’re both tired of it. Seriously, that is the extent of how Skitter wants to play. We can play it when we’re right by each other or when we’re across the room from each other. I’ve tried to teach her other tricks and games, but she’s shown no interest whatsoever. Hey, whatever works for Skitter.

I’ve had plenty of dogs throughout my life, and they’ve all been like little kids. They’ve romped; they’ve carried on; they’ve gotten into things they shouldn’t have; they’ve wandered off; they’ve followed me around; they’ve ridden in the back of my truck. Skitter, however, is more of an infant. She doesn’t do much, but she’s really cute. I had no idea what we were getting into when we got her. I had no idea how needy she would be, and how weird her idiosyncrasies are. I’m still completely overjoyed we rescued her. But after five years loving her, it is still difficult for me to leave her at home alone. I worry she’ll be frightened. I leave the television on for her when I leave. If the television is on, she knows I’ll come home. Smart mutt.

I wrote a few days ago about how it seems to happen a lot that you’ll have no appointments on your schedule for days or weeks at a time, and then you schedule one thing, and suddenly more things come up that must be done on that same day. Crazy. That sort of happened when we got Skitter.

Within 24 hours of getting Skitter, my SWWTRN broke her hip which meant I had to go from Centerville to Provo to the hospital a few times to be with her. Then I went back to Centerville to get packed up to go to Delta for the Christmas break, which we did. That would have been plenty to fit into those hours.

And then suddenly all the legal machinations deciding the fate of gay marriage began happening, and we had to hurriedly drive from Delta through five counties to finally find a courthouse willing to marry us before a scheduled court hearing decision that might have put the kibosh on that idea. (Thanks, Davis County.)

Of course, we had to take Skitter in the car with us on these journeys because we had just gotten her, so she was discombobulated and scared and not one bit used to us or either of our houses yet. Centerville to Provo, to Centerville, to Provo, to Delta, then north through five counties, to Farmington, to Centerville, to Delta again. Talk about an overloaded itinerary in a smidgen of time. Whew!

If Skitter hadn’t been weird before she rescued us, all that traveling and excitement in that short a time period would have made her that way.

And I swear I had not one thing scheduled on my calendar for the next month.

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Wrestling With A Dilemma

Bow Tie o’ the Day adorns Mom as she poses in front of THE PORCH, in 1948. Momo and Popo’s porch was a huge part of my life as a kid, as well as Mom’s and my life after they were gone and I bought their house. After Dad died, Mom spent time on my porch two or three times a day, when weather permitted. She occupied the porch alone, or with me when I was in town. During the last year of Peggy’s life, Peggy joined us at least once almost every day. We watched the comings and goings of the neighborhood, and we solved all the problems of the world. If only the world listened to our brilliant ideas.

I mentioned in my last post that I have decided to post fewer (and maybe zero) new photos of Mom doing TIE O’ THE DAY. It’s recently become a concern I’ve been cogitating about.

Although I began TIE O’ THE DAY around four years ago, I’ve posted interesting pictures of Mom on Facebook for at least a decade. I started after Dad died. After some of the humorous photo posts starring Mom, my brother, Ron, left a message on my phone. He had seen one of the silly photos of Mom and he asked me if Mom knew I was posting them. He wondered if I might be being disrespectful to her by doing it.

When I called him back, I assured him that I okayed every post with Mom before posting it. In fact, I told him, the reason I didn’t answer his call– the reason he had to leave me a voicemail– was because Mom and I were sitting on the porch when he called, busy reading the funny and loving comments left below one of her posted photos by friends and family. Mom had been laughing so hard at some of the responses that she began laugh-crying. Mom loved the comments, and she loved reading the names of those who LIKEd the post. Some people who responded were people she hadn’t seen or thought about in years. When I told Ron the whole thing, I think he understood.

But here I am now, finally having my own reservations, based on Mom’s current situation. Let me be clear: I am so pleased with the photos taken by the staff at MCR, which are then posted to their Facebook page. I like being able to see Mom and knowing what activities she’s participating in. I’m glad MCR does it. Following their Facebook page lets me check in on Mom from 145 miles away.

But what I do is different. I usually use the photos I take of Mom as part of posting sarcastic, snarky, sometimes irreverent things here on TIE O’ THE DAY. Before taking the photos, I sometimes give Mom a bow tie or silly hat to wear, and she’s always been a sport about it. In fact, there have been times when I’ve visited her or she’s stayed with us when she’s excitedly said things like “When do I get my tie? When are we going to take our picture?” or “Are you going to take our tie picture? Do I need a hat?” And, of course, after I’d post a “tie picture,” I made sure to read her the Facebook responses and the list of folks who sent their LIKE’s. She has always found the whole process quite joyous.

Here’s my quandary. At this point, Mom sometimes doesn’t quite have her bearings. Her mind is sometimes confused. She forgets. Recently, I pulled out a tie for her to wear for our “tie picture” and she asked me, “Now what am I doing with this tie? Why are we doing this?” Mom is not a prop. I know you all like seeing photos of her. Posts with her photos always get the most Facebook LIKE’s. But I refuse to take or post a picture of Mom if she doesn’t know why I’m doing it, and hasn’t okayed it– in her all-there mind. I won’t do it without her permission. And I know y’all wouldn’t want me to.

On the other hand, what do I do if Mom brings it up, and asks to do it? Can I trust her “permission” now, even in those moments when she seems completely in charge of her faculties. I suppose I will have to decide on a case-by-case basis.

What I do still feel entirely comfortable doing is posting old pictures of Mom, taken throughout her life. I can write posts that reflect them. I am equally sure Mom is/would be amused with how I put ties and bow ties on the photos. She would not find that disrespectful. Mom had and still has her sense of humor.

Most of you are Mom’s friends. Some of you have been friends with Mom before you became friends with me. I’m sure some of you have recently had my same concerns. Just know that if I do post a more current picture or two of Mom, be assured that I spent time thinking about whether it would truly be ok with her for me to do so. Ultimately, that judgment falls on me, and I don’t take that responsibility lightly.