Witty & Wise Ties, Trivia & Lies
This is what transpires every time Bow Tie o’ the Day and I go shopping at JoAnn’s with Suzanne: She says she just needs one thing, so I go inside with her and look around. And then her cart keeps filling up, and I can see it’s gonna take some bigly time. I go wait in the car, where I listen to Wilco or The National or P!nk, while eating licorice, and snapping pix for TIE O’ THE DAY. She takes even longer at Mom’s Crafts. 🛒 🙄
It’s the green neckwear’s fave time of year. Tie o’ the Day begins our meandering to St. Paddy’s Day, and my Hat o’ the Day lends a hand. Feel the verdant clash happen! If you haven’t driven across Ireland, you must go. If you like tasting a multitude of beers, you REALLY must go. Irish cuisine is horrible, but I don’t recommend you fast for your entire vacation. Instead, I recommend you eat Banoffee Pie every meal. It’s basically layers of bananas, chocolate, and toffee. Yummerful! 🍌 🍫 🍽
Tie o’ the Day is a clever masterpiece: a plywood tie. I call it my white trash/redneck tie. When I lived back East, I noticed a certain snootiness some people had towards the West. It was, like all prejudice, a bias formed out of ignorance. They hadn’t been there, and they didn’t know any Westerners. I learned to embrace my “redneck-ness” and my small-town-ness. I set them straight. And the first thing I did when I moved back to Delta? Threw a mattress on my front porch. 🛏 🤠
Bow Tie o’ the Day and I discovered we need to make a grocery list. I don’t go grocery shopping until I absolutely have to, and the fridge and pantry are bare. Almost. In the fridge’s bottom compartment, sits one lonely, perfect package of Johnsonville Stadium Brats. In honor of Cufflinks o’ the Day, we’re ecstatic the brats are truly the only food left. See, now we can each eat two or three of them without guilt. Healthy food is for tomorrow. And tomorrow never really exists. 🌭
Cufflinks o’ the Day are whistling away at the pin-up girls gracing Shirt. Bow Tie o’ the Day is leather. It can’t create clash fashion, but ain’t it snazzy? The smallest things make me happy. I’ve been open about my bipolarity in these posts, so I can’t deny that TIE O’ THE DAY is sometimes the only reason I can crawl out of bed. I have no clue how my offbeat mind came up with the idea. But it works for me. It gives me purpose. 😉
Here’s a two-fer! Tie o’ the Day and Lapel Pin o’ the Day are the same. Classic split personality, aka Dissociative Identity Disorder. When cleaning toilets and baseboards, wear as short a tie as possible. You don’t want the tail end of your tie swimming in the potty, and you don’t want it skating across grimy baseboards. If a long tie is underfoot when changing ceiling air filters, you’re in bigly danger. Wearing bow ties is safe for doing housework. Tie/Pin is even less treacherous. And sillier. 🚽 😜
I grabbed my trusty, heavy iron skillet Cufflinks o’ the Day so we can cook up a steak. There are rules about eating steak, and the numero uno rule is that you must drink Diet Coke when you’re eating one. Yes, it is too a rule! Lo and behold, Tie o’ the Day discovered we’re soooo out of Diet Coke. We must hie to Dick’s Market to buy a bunch. Some rules are breakable without throwing the world into chaos. But the Diet-Coke-with-steak rule isn’t one of them. 🐄
Bow Tie o’ the Day– with matching ‘Links– is why wood exists. What a happy use for trees! We should plant trees to honor dead trees’ neckwear sacrifices, so future generations can create more wooden bow ties. Today, I was so mesmerized by Bow Tie’s hypnotic waves that it compelled me to become a dues-paying member of Bow SelecTie’s WOODEN-BOW-TIE-OF-THE-MONTH CLUB! I said to myself, “Self, why didn’t I think of joining the club myself?”. My self said, “Because you were lost, but now you are found.” 📪 🤡
Long Bow Tie o’ the Day is exhausted and exasperated. Look at its little cogs turning for relief. And I feel the same way, as do my own cogs. Why? We are sick of FEAR and PARANOIA. Even our Cufflinks think they should become extinct. We are sick of the shouting of internet memes that rant, “My politics are right. Yours will doom us all!” Spouting paranoia is not a factual, well reasoned argument that presents possible solutions to problems. Everything is not out to get us! Everything is not a conspiracy!
Tie o’ the Day’s snazzy clash with Shirt is serendipitous, cuz I didn’t purposely match colors. I grabbed the first tie and the first shirt I touched in the closet. Cufflinks were definitely a conscious choice. In Baltimore, I often talked with law-breaking students about making better choices. I’d tell them, “If you don’t start making positive choices, when we see each other in the future, it’ll be at The Windows of Life. And you’re gonna be asking me, ‘Do you want fries with that’?” 🍔 🍟 Education matters. 🎓