Witty & Wise Ties, Trivia & Lies
Bow Tie o’ the Day is a beachy, pastel green thing, posing with a wee Chardonnay bottle. I got this wine in Monterey for Suzanne, and she thought it was too cute to not haul home — empty, of course. I guesstimate the bottle holds three swallows of wine — not even enough to get a beach buzz. So I got Suzanne four of them. The bottle is plastic, so it is allowed the beach. Wine is not a temptation for me, but I still miss tasty microbrew beers. 🍺 🍷
Tie o’ the Day and I feel batty. Cufflinks join us in their Batman capes. Added Bonus: The capes’ Bat Signs glow in the dark! We aren’t hangin’ in the Bat Cave, nor are there bats in my belfry. I have a tattoo on my left shoulder that says Mom’s version of a curse word: HELFRY! Yes, it rhymes with BELFRY. That word comes out of her mouth when she’s angry. For example, she might say, “Helfry! Why didn’t those cookies rise like I wanted? Darn flour!” 🍪
I’m cozied-up in my pajamas, and my cold ears are wearing a hat Suzanne crocheted. I get compliments on the hat, but its floppiness ain’t me. CAUTION: Although Suzanne crochets wondrous hats, DO NOT ALLOW HER TO PUT ANY HAT ON HER HEAD! Your eyes will never recover. Her noggin isn’t misshapen or anything, but here’s the math: Suzanne + hat = LOOK AWAY!!! We’re watching LIVE PD tonight. That’s our go-to, weekend Date Night activity. LIVE PD is also the reason for these Cufflinks o’ the Day: handcuffs!
When I bought Tie o’ the Day at the Salvador Dali exhibit in Monterey, I knew it would feel at home in our house when it saw our living room clock. I was correct. I often look up to check the time, and Tie is hangin’ and chattin’ with its clock pal. The Dali painting which inspired Tie is one of his most widely known. It’s called THE PERSISTENCE OF MEMORY, and its melting clocks sometimes remind me of how, over time, Mom’s memories are melting away. 😭
Tie/Bow Tie o’ the Day are evidence of a crime. It was committed on my behalf, by my better half. Apparently, my maniacal passion for ties has become a bad influence on the hallowed/haloed Suzanne. While she was in Southern Utah for work this week, she became a flat-out thief — just for me — when she stole these DO NOT DISTURB placards from her hotel room. Honestly, I’m glad she was bad. I’ll be hanging these on doorknobs of rooms I occupy wherever I go, especially My Tie Room!
Bigly, wood Bow Tie o’ the Evening was kind enough to accompany me to the Home Owners Association meeting. Bow Tie, Lapel Pin, Cufflinks, and Pocket Square ALL acted as my disguise. Mustaches will do that. A disguise is necessary cuz sometimes at these meetings, neighbors forget to love their neighbors. Especially regarding HOA budgets. Recently, some cars have been harassed. When I asked if the Board had discussed installing cameras, the guy next to me snapped, “Only if YOU pay for them!” Love you more, doofus! 💋
Tie o’ the Day clashes properly with Shirt, but I should’ve worn a bow tie. I’ve been climbing ladders to replace dead lightbulbs, and ties kinda get in the way. Cufflinks o’ the Day met their bigger, brighter counterparts. For them, seeing real lightbulbs must have seemed like seeing The Jolly Light Giant. I don’t change bulbs if Suzanne’s around. We have high ceilings, and she frets my tremors will toss me off the ladder. If I ever have to call her from the ER, I’m toast. 💡 🏥
Bow Tie o’ the Day is covered in superhero lightning bolts, while Cufflinks o’ the Day show a pop art interpretation of Batman’s sidekick, Robin. Suzanne will always be the superhero, and I will always be the sidekick. She went to St. George and Cedar City for work for a couple of days, and she will get home tonight. That’ll be good. A sidekick is kinda lost without their superhero. But how has she managed to get through her days without being surrounded by ties?
Tie o’ the Day presents the only kind of flowers I can make thrive. I am a serial plant killer. My black thumb has killed every plant — garden and indoor — I’ve ever had. And my skills at annihilation don’t stop with plants: I somehow managed to kill the pet rocks I owned in the 70’s. ⛰ 🥀 Be sure to check out my hairs’ side-mohawk. Soon, I’ll be able to comb it over to the longer side. While it grows out, I’m playing silly games with its heights. 🙀
Tie o’ the Day’s a cozy flannel, which– with a flannel shirt– is the only way to wear a flannel blanket outdoors. I’m very hatty these days, cuz my ears are cold. And they’ll probably stay frozen until June. I wanna say May, but we always get that late Spring freeze and snowstorm. And that will be right after the flora begins to bloom. When I lived in the D.C. area, I could wear shorts and no ear coverings from February to October. My legs miss that. 🏖