Witty & Wise Ties, Trivia & Lies
I went to bed very late last night. I opened my eyes at 4 AM, wide awake. And promptly at 7, when Suzanne was leaving for work, I fell asleep on the love seat. Now it’s almost 10 AM, and I’m throwing this quickie post on TIE O’ THE DAY. Swimming suit Bow Tie o’ the Day expresses my feelings best: I’m ready for summer. And probably another nap today, to be honest.
I got out my going-to-Miss-Tiffany’s-to-get-my-hairs-cut Tie o’ the Day this morning. However, when I called to alert Miss Tiffany I’d be showing up if she had time for me and my head hairs today, I was informed that she had the day off. Oh, well. I was okay with having to re-arrange how I had planned my day to play out, but I didn’t want my hairs-cuttin’ scissors tie to feel disappointed it wouldn’t get to be in this afternoon’s post, so I dug through a box to find some old hairs photos for Tie to pose with.
Here are front and back pix of me and Rowan from 2009, inside the front door of our house in Ogden. We happened to both be growing out our hairs at about the same time then. When we finally had our head hairs chopped off later that year, we donated our locks to make wigs for cancer patients.
Rowan’s teacher in 2009, at Hillcrest Elementary, was Mrs. Cameron. Rowan wasn’t much of a school terror that year, so I only met Mrs. Cameron once, in passing, at a school event. She seemed pleasant enough, and she was a tremendous influence on Rowan at the time. We heard plenty of Mrs. Cameron stories from Rowan around the dinner table—none of which I can remember now. Flash forward to last year at about this time. My sister, BT/Mercedes, sent me a heartbroken text about one of her long-time friends dying suddenly of pancreatic cancer. BT said the woman was smart, and kind, and generous right down to her toes. According to BT, her friend was a genuinely good-hearted being. BT said she had been a teacher in Ogden schools, and her name was Jeanne Cameron.
I did some fact-checking with Suzanne and realized Rowan’s incredible 6th Grade teacher and my sister’s incredible friend were one and the same person. You know how I am about connections and coincidences—and what we are supposed to learn from them. This woman was important in my sister’s life for decades, and this woman was a significant player in Rowan’s life for only one key year. It wasn’t until ten years after Rowan was done with 6th Grade—and Mrs. Cameron had just passed away—that BT and I accidentally stumbled upon the coincidence. Does this tiny connection mean something bigly and specific about the universe? Probably not. On the other hand, I think it is—at the very least—a reminder that we are likely the constant beneficiaries of the work of “strangers” who are connected to us in ways we will likely never know. That is yet another reason we should be civil to people, whether we know them or not.
I posted last week that my very first brother-in-law, Kent, was turning the bigly 70-damn-5. Here are a few pix of our brief visit to give him our eternal regards for joining the family in 1967, and for staying in the family for the duration. From then, until now, Kent has always hit our funny bones with his up-beat brand of cleverosity. His wisdom shows up wrapped in humor, as well. And his heart is wide open.
On Kent’s birthday, we threw The Skit in the car and drove up to his and BT’s abode in Pleasant View, where a day-long drive-by of honking horns bleated their birthday wishes to our Kent. We actually stopped in to hang for a little while in their garage, which was set up with socializing at pandemically social distances in mind. The libation served to birthday revelers was sparkling cider in the grooviest teensy bottles. A bigly and tall heater spread the heat. The present we gave Kent was one of Mom’s old HELEN W license plates, in honor of him christening all of Mom’s cars with the same title of “the Helenmobile,” probably starting as far back as the 70’s. I will not lie: We stole a masked hug or two from Nuk and Mercedes before we left.
I wore my lighted turkey hat for the occasion, as well as a holiday Tie o’ the Day covered in portraits of polar bears, Santa, and snowmen. Skitter’s Tie o’ the Day is an authentic mystery, and we’re open to any guesses you might have as to what the “thing” on Skitter’s tie is supposed to be. It appears to have a sort of snowman head. It has what might be strings of lights wrapped around its Christmas tree-like “body.” I think it might be a dinosaur of some kind, or maybe Godzilla. It does have a tail. Is it holding a baby who’s wearing a black hat? Seriously, what is this creature? Is it an icon from some cult? Is it a mascot for an octuple-A baseball team nobody’s ever heard of? I feel like I’m missing the punchline to a joke. Whatever it is, I like it cuz Skitter likes it.
Suzanne and I had some Christmas presents to deliver to Bishop Travis and Bishopette Collette—and Gracie, too—so we drove to Provo a few days after Christmas, when the season had settled down for everyone. We and our Face Masks o’ the Day were treated to an hour of good—though mildly muffled—conversation with Gracie’s parents, and a live performance of The Gracie Show.
Skitter visited the Blackwelder’s with us. It was the first time Skitter and Grace had met, and their encounter was a success. Gracie was enamored with the mutt, and Skitter was willing to let Amazing Grace shower her with up-close, pokey, hands-on attention that only a kid can give. Skitter basked in it. In fact, I didn’t ever see Skitter vibrate around Grace. Well, I guess that’s not quite true. Gracie has a slide in her room, on which she performed amusing tricks for us. Skitter begged me to let her go down the slide a few times to impress The Divine Miss Grace. Of course, I helped Skitter be brave to accomplish the scary feat. Let me tell you, Skitter vibrated all the way down the slide three times, much to Gracie’s delight.
Bishopette Collette later texted that Grace talked about Skitter long after we had gone home. When Skitter heard that, she asked me to teach her to wink. She wanted me to snap a photo of her winking to send to Gracie, and said photo is included here.
BTW Holiday Tie o’ the Day was a hit with Grace. I showed Gracie how to turn on the reindeer’s flashing red nose and Christmas music by pushing the fire flames on the tie. She pushed it as many times as you’d expect a toddler to push a button that turned on a flashing red light and Christmas music. The battery was dead by the time we left. I loved every minute of the visit.
I sincerely meant to post the final Holiday Tie Tally today, but it’s a no-go. First, I slept until noon, which I never do—except today, apparently. And then, real life things (as opposed to TIE O’ THE DAY things) that needed to be dealt with kept coming up. I’m sure you know how that goes. So anyhoo… It was Judy O’ Clock before I was able to even start gathering all the holiday neckwear and props together for their bigly, annual tie-family photo. Currently, I’m still staging snapshots, taking roll, folding, preparing the off-season storage for my neckwear friends, and making all the necessary calculations for the tally announcement. I’m aiming to post the final numbers tomorrow.
For now, though, please enjoy a photo of the one Christmas Bow Tie o’ The Day and the 12 Christmas Ties o’ the Day that I hadn’t yet worn for y’all this year. Also, enjoy a few close-ups of some of these last ties. Don’t miss the Ralphie bobblehead beside Bow Tie.
BTW I can’t simply add these numbers to the current tally and come up with the total sum of all ties, because there are still photos of me wearing festive neckwear during the holidays, which you have not yet seen. And I must add those to the total too.
Almost-the-Total Holiday Tie Tally: 207 Neckties. 89 Bow Ties.
Bow Tie o’ the Day sports a simple message of “Merry Christmas.” The 6 Ties o’ the Day are a bit more divided in their expressions about the holiday season. I am a “Merry Christmas” sort, which is probably obvious by my expansive X-mas neckwear collection, but I am also a Grinch-lovin,’ “Bah Humbug” sort of gal when I’m particularly ironic. Especially around Christmas, I must admit I have an even lower-than-usual tolerance for people acting hateful and petty to each other. That kind of behavior really roils the true, thin slice o’ humbug in my soul, in any season. I hate when that happens. In this annual season of giving and striving for peace, I often worry less about the need to—as the saying goes—”put Christ back in Christmas,” and more about the need to put Christ back in Christians. Kindness changes the weather of every room it’s in. Let us be the good weather, folks. End of sermon.
Holiday Tie Tally: 190 Neckties. 74 Bow Ties.
Holiday Face Mask Tally still stands at 9, cuz I’ve worn this one before.
#wearthedangmaskalready
Everybody in our house got through Christmas Day, properly jolly and over-fed. And then, on December 26, I got my name written on Skitter’s Naughty List promptly at 8 AM, when I dropped her off for her vet appointment I made sure not to tell her about beforehand. I didn’t want to ruin her Christmas, you know.
At the vet’s, she had to spend four whole hours without me by her side. Apparently, the “black mold” has taken over Skitter’s inner ears again. The vet put some heavy duty anti-fungal meds in the poor beast’s ears, which will provide her ear-y depths with treatment over the next two weeks. I hope this medication will finally kill Skitter’s “black mold” problem once and for all. I’ve had to administer her ear drops off-and-on to treat her problem since Spring, and it has been sheer torture for me to put unwanted drops into the ear of the already-scared-of-everything-that-isn’t-a-blanket-Suzanne-made-her little mutt.
Anyhoo… After I picked up Skitter from the vet’s that afternoon, she kept her distance from me and cast her Evil Eyes at me from across the living room for the rest of the day—right up until the moment I sat down to eat some leftover Christmas roast for dinner. Suddenly, The Skit was right there by my side—my loyal friend forever and ever, once again. And so it goes, after every vet visit.
Skitter’s Holiday Tie Tally: 23 Neckties.
Our Christmas was low-key, but we managed to include all the usual important elements. We enjoyed gifts, and too much food, and a Zoom family-gathering. Suzanne gave us a gun safe for our recently acquired Beretta. She gave me two Echo Dots, so now I can say things like, “Alexa, create world peace,” to which Alexa replied, “Sorry, I’m not sure about that.” So then I asked Alexa to play Band of Horses songs, which she gladly did.
Suzanne wanted a lighted cutting mat for her sewing and crafting, so Santa gave her that. Santa also gave her a puzzle of Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s image and her famous dissents. The puzzle is entirely words. That oughta be difficult and time-consuming to put together, which will keep us both out of trouble. Oh, and I gave her the tiniest notebook I’ve ever seen: It’s smaller than a matchbook. I think it was her favorite gift. (Note to self: Next year for Christmas, save yourself some big bucks by giving Suzanne only a Munchkin notebook.)
I made a pork pot roast, Mom’s cheese bread, and Mom’s famous-in-Maryland green salad. We ate olives, and Suzanne-made cookies, and every chocolate we could find. We found a lot of chocolates. We didn’t even have room for the Red Button Eggnog ice cream, or the Dreyer’s Pumpkin Pie ice cream. The ice cream still waits in the freezer, for when our tummies have room for it. Trust me—the ice cream will not go to waste.
Later on Christmas Day, we joined Suzanne’s family’s Zoom get-together, for the most important part of our Christmas. It’s a family tradition that the family gathers in the afternoon, and Suzanne’s dad reads the story of Christ’s birth from the Bible, and then reads any story of his choosing which exemplifies the giving spirit of Christmas. This year, he read the O. Henry story, “The Gift of the Magi.” Hearing his voice as he read to us made it feel like a not-pandemic Christmas for a short while. And even on Zoom, excited kids were loudly playing and showing off in the very best way, further making it seem like a regular Christmas—if only for an hour or so. God bless us, every one.
Holiday Tie Tally: 184 Neckties. 73 Bow Ties.
Skitter’s Holiday Tie Tally: 22 Neckties.
I called Mom this morning to see how she’s doing at MCR. I ascertained from the shortest phone conversation I’ve ever had with her that she is swell and well and dandy. She didn’t have time to talk to her 56-year-old baby because she and the other residents were preparing to watch a movie together. I don’t know any of the specifics—like the title of the movie they would be viewing, or what the care center’s social distancing plan was. I trust MCR to have figured out all of the safety details. All I know is that while conversing ever so briefly with Mom, I could hear joyous chatting voices in the background. Helen Sr. sounded as happy as the proverbial lark. Mom sounded safe and comfortable and excited for her oncoming day. Although I felt kinda cheated out of the conversation we weren’t able to have because she was so busy living her life at 90, I must admit that I was thoroughly pleased with the situation to my core. What more could a 56-year-old baby girl ask for? Mom was comfortable and exuberant, so I guess you can say I already got my Christmas present for this year. If Mom is happy, I seriously do not need one other thing.
Holiday Tie Tally: 154 Neckties. 67 Bow Ties.
Here’s a 1-Bow Tie, 5-Tie o’ the Day salute to my dad’s mom, who we’ve always affectionately referred to as Momo. (The Santa-hatted Scottie dog bow tie is one of my all-time faves.) I have continually been in awe of Momo’s unending crafty creativity. She could make anything out of anything.
Here are what I believe to be her two most famous Christmas tree ornaments: milkweed pod renditions of the Nativity scene. The two white critters at the foot of the three-pod ornament are lambs. I particularly like the golden deer/dog at the bottom of the one-pod ornament. (You should see the dog she included in her diorama version of the Garden of Eden!) I do not know exactly when Momo created these ornaments, but I remember them hanging on her Christmas tree annually, in even my earliest memories—so they are at least 50 years old. They are so fragile that I rarely bring them out for public viewing. I cannot dust them for fear the glue that holds everything in its place will break. Occasionally, I find that a component of an ornament has fallen out of its pod place. I do my best to re-glue it to its authentic spot.
Anyhoo…Last week, Suzanne came home from work and said, “We’re having an office contest for Most Interesting Christmas Tree Ornament on our tree. Can I take those ornaments Momo made?” Momo made many X-mas tree ornaments, but few still exist. Of course, I knew precisely which ornaments she meant, and I knew their whereabouts. Despite the fact that I rarely say NO to Suzanne, I seriously ruminated over her request for hours before coming to a decision. Suzanne was allowed to take them to her office only after I issued a Special Dispensation, and made her sign a lengthy contract in which she promised to guard them with her life, as if she was a member of the Secret Service and they were POTUS. Guess which ornaments won the competition, hands-down? I knew they would be victorious in any ornament contest. Why? Because Momo made them. GAME OVER.
Holiday Tie Tally: 148 Neckties. 67 Bow Ties.