Author: wetleatherdog@gmail.com

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The Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades

This is one of my fave wood Bow Ties o’ the Day. I tend to wear it when I’m on vacation. It helps me see the sights better. I have missed wearing it since the pandemic began, which is when we quit vacationing, of course. Today, I decided to dust Bow Tie off and make some plans. I’m looking into some far away escapades I’m sure I’ll tell y’all about in the near future.

Last evening, we had one HAIL of a late-summer thunderstorm! It was wet, and loud, and flashy, and the petrichor smell was as wonderful as it has ever been. The hail was itself a plunking wonder on the outdoor furniture. We paid a lot of attention to the stormy shebang because Skitter was not just skittish about the storm: Skitter was petrified into a ball in her bed. I covered her with her blanket and explained to her that any doggie blanket made by Suzanne is impenetrable by both bad weather and monsters, so she would be completely safe under it. I think her brain believed me, but her thunder-hearing, hail-hearing ears were skeptical. The storm didn’t cause any real damage, but it managed to cause our DirecTV to lose its signal even before the first raindrop fell. I am always mystified that the tv signal can travel all the way to and from satellites in space with no problem, but it can’t make it through raindrops and snowflakes. 📺⛈☔️

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Cuz 3 New Ties O’ The Day Are Better Than 1

My long-awaited surgery was supposed to be this morning, but—as I’ve explained over the last two days—there is currently no room at the Huntsman Inn for me and my Cranky Hanky Panky. I’m now scheduled to be cut open October 14. I hope they’ll have a hospital room for me by then. This drawn-out process has gotten to me, bigly. I told Suzanne to hide the X-Acto knife, because I’m about tempted to resort to self-help. I might just have to dig out that pancreatic stone on my own. I hate to whine, but the stoopid stone is painful.

So, what did I do with my no-surgery day? I went shopping for neckwear, of course, and I discovered something I had heretofore not known. I told you in a post a few weeks ago about how I found Halloween candy on the grocery store shelves at 12:01 AM on July 5th. Well, today I discovered that Christmas neckties are already in some stores in September. What a fantabulous thing to find out! For me, at least. Yes, I found 3 Christmas neckties to add to my enormous holiday collection. I’m guesstimating these 3 ties are getting me close to a total of 300 Christmas ties. I am not even going to try to wear all of them this upcoming season, so if you don’t see your favorites during the build-up to Christmas 2021, you’ll just have to stay tuned to TIE O’ THE DAY next year, and the next, and so on. I promise it will be worth your while.

BTW In this photo, I am dressed almost entirely in blue-and-white stripes: see my shorts, my shirt, and my hat. (I think I’m missing Dad and his striped overalls.) I chose super-long, neon green-striped socks and some animal print Sloggers for variation. You’ll also notice that it’s clear I didn’t learn to “strike a pose” in a traditional modeling school.

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Distracting Myself

For the most part, I have worked my way through yesterday’s anger at my surgery being postponed due to an influx of COVID-19 patients at Huntsman. I am now skulking my way through the deep puddles of merely disappointment and disillusion. It’s funny how much I don’t want to have surgery at all, yet I feel disheartened that I can’t have it as planned. Before I got the news about surgery being postponed, I was already in not-happy shape. A few days ago I had learned that Mom has entered a new phase of her life: she is now on oxygen 24/7 and will be doing most of her remaining earthly travel by wheelchair. She is generally well for being almost-91, and she is still generally her joyous, feisty, old broad self. But her new situation is yet another move closer toward her being reunited with Dad. We know it, and she knows it. Even I get tired of the phrase, “circle of life,” but that’s the truth of what it is. Yeah, I guess you could say this has not been my favorite week of my life.

It’s a good thing I have TIE O’ THE DAY to play around with. It’s the perfect distraction for me— a diversion from all things worrisome, painful, or downright boring. You’ve seen some of my wood bow ties which attach to collarless shirts by way of two magnets. They work brilliantly as bow ties for t-shirts. Today, I did some experimenting with what else I can attach with a magnet to create my own original Bow Ties o’ the Day. Here are a few bow ties I came up with, which I thought you might enjoy seeing.

  1. Tiny, pink coin purse Bow Tie o’ the Day, in case I find a penny on the ground.
  2. Paper clips Bow Tie o’ the Day, in case I need to organize some papers.
  3. Steak knife Bow Tie o’ the Day, in case I run into a thick steak during my travels.
  4. Cowboy-hat-and-red-bandana mini stapler Bow Tie o’ the Day, in case I want to put up a flyer on a cork board or electrical pole.
  5. Rotary cutter Bow Tie o’ the Day, in case I get literally wrapped-up in a bolt of aggressive fabric and need to escape.
  6. Disposable razor Bow Tie o’ the Day, in case I suddenly need to shave my white legs.
  7. EpiPen Bow Tie o’ the Day, in case I run into a bee’s stinger.
  8. Altoids Bow Tie o’ the Day, in case I am afraid of my own breath.
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I’m Bigly Ticked Off

This is my angry face, which I rarely wear. As I dressed for this selfie, I picked out the aggressive-est, angriest-looking Face Mask o’ the Day I could find, because I wanted you to know I’m steaming. I also wore a mask because didn’t want to take a chance you’d see me mouthing any vulgarities while I’m in this mood. I chose to wear my deviled egg Tie o’ the Day because I wanted to put the words “devil,” “pitchfork,” and “Hell” into your mind so you wouldn’t miss my point: I’m angry. Anger is not a mode I’ve ever chosen to spend much time in, so it’s decidedly foreign to me. In fact, I don’t like visiting it one bit. Anger is my least favorite country, although I’m comfortable in righteous anger when it is called for.

Anyhoo… I got a call from my surgeon this morning, telling me my surgery has to be postponed for 4-6 weeks. It seems there are no empty hospital beds available at Huntsman Cancer Hospital right now, because of the added COVID-19 patients who currently occupy them. I say this in hashtag lingo with all respect and humility, folks, on behalf of everyone who has had to postpone their necessary medical procedures this past year: #getvaxxedandwearyourmaskspeoplesoyouandothersdonthavetosufferneedlessly #ifeverypersonhaddonetheirpartatthebeginningofthepandemicthiscouldhavebeenovermonthsago

To put it less nicely—and more in line with the depth of my truly angry feelings about having to postpone my much-needed, long-awaited surgery, let me just say this about how I feel: @#%&#%!*+ !#E@$*^*!!# @$@$##$*$% ^&*^@$^ *^@ ^*&^$ @#*#%@# @$$*%^!#. (I apologize if I hurt your ears with that rant.)

Ah! I feel much less angry after getting that off my chest. Now, I’m merely discouraged as 💩. 😷💉

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Merry Birthday To My Brother, Rob

TIE O’ THE DAY presents my fave picture of my bro, Rob, and me together. This was likely taken one Easter, near my grandparents’ fence. Dad’s bee warehouse is visible in the top corner of the photo. Neither of us is wearing anything close to any kind of tie, but Rob is wearing a bright reddish-orange turtleneck dickey. That qualifies as neckwear, I suppose. The inherent beauty of a dickey remains mysterious to me. Is it considered a piece of clothing? Or is it considered an accessory? I have no clue what message a dickey means to say either. Dickeys aren’t sexy or sophisticated or playful or intriguing. I think a dickey is simply “there.” But I have no earthly clue why they exist, or why anyone ever thought they needed to. A neck and chest warmer, perhaps? 🎂🍰🎈

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While I Sleep During My Operation

My appointment at Huntsman today was with the folks who will be administering anesthesia to me during my surgery. I want to keep anyone who has anything to do with my surgery happy—especially the anesthesia team. I want to keep them very, very happy. I figured the best way to keep them amused was to wear one of my most prized creative Bow Ties o’ the Day: my Star Wars-y Legos bow tie. I did my best to make a good first impression on them. I met with three different medical professionals during my single appointment, and I can verify that they all snickered and guffawed at Bow Tie. They each quizzed me about my neckwear collection, and seemed to understand most of my humor. I’m sure they will remember me and do their best to keep me conked out through the whole operation. And that was my goal when I got dressed this morning.

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Skitter Is A Lady

I’m off to Huntsman again, for another pre-surgery appointment, and to take care of a ream of paperwork. Here’s a bigly photo gallery of Skitter crossing her front legs/paws. She is so proper and stately. I’ve had a gaggle o’ dogs over the years, but Skitter is the only dog I’ve had who makes it a near-obsession to cross her paws in gentility when she sits or sleeps. She is civilized, and she wants everyone to see it. And before you even ask, the answer is, “Yes, she does stick out her pinky-pad when she drinks her tea.”

BTW In one of these photos, Skitter somehow manages to get one of her hind legs into the front leg/paw crossing. She’s remarkable.

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Another Test Is Done

Since TIE O’ THE DAY will be without my full services for a couple of weeks after my surgery this coming Thursday, I’ve asked Suzanne and Skitter to assist me temporarily. I’ve been training them about the in’s and outs’s of doing my posting job on the tblog—so y’all won’t miss my adventures at Huntsman and whatever my first few days of recovery are like. (If you have surmised that I have already selected and packed the neckwear I’m taking to the hospital for my week-or-so-long stay, you are correct.)

Skitter will likely do most of the writing for the posts, while Suzanne will take over the photography duties. Suzanne is a fine taker o’ pictures. We’ve had a couple of her “Spain” photographs framed and hung on the walls for decades. I’m currently schooling her about how to properly take TIE O’ THE DAY photographs. She got the shot right in only one of these two pix of me getting ready to enter the bigly doughnut for my CT scan yesterday. You see, the number one rule of shooting TO’TD photos is to make sure the tie/bow tie is visible in each shot for readers to see. The neckwear must always be a star. The first picture you see here follows this rule, while the second one doesn’t cut the TIE O’ THE DAY mustard. However, Suzanne’s a super-smart gal, so I’m confident she’ll figure out how to follow the main TO’TD snapshot rule.

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Busy Days

With only a week until my surgery, I find myself being busier than ever with tidying up and doing errands—so I won’t have to worry about life around the house running smoothly while I’m out of commission for a few weeks.

Today, Bow Tie o’ the Day and I had to drive to Farmington Health Center to pick up the contrast goop I must drink tomorrow morning before my pre-surgery CT Scan at 10:30 AM. Tomorrow, after my scan, I drive to Huntsman Cancer Hospital to meet with my Cranky Hanky Panky surgeon. After that appointment, I will head to the lab, where I will have to give a river of blood to the lab personnel so they can assess whatever it is they have to assess before I can get cut open properly next week. And when I finally get back home from SLC tomorrow afternoon, my doctor-y day still won’t be done. I will have to flip open my laptop in order to have a virtual appointment with my ERCP doctor, so I can get his pre-surgery input. It’s gonna be a long medical Friday for me. Fortunately, my better half is taking off work tomorrow to be by my side while I do all these have-to-do’s I don’t want to do at all. Having Suzanne with me guarantees that we will both be just fine.

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Virtual Visits

I’m sure you’ve all experienced how small tasks sometimes become much more complicated and time-consuming than they should be. This morning, for example, I had to set up a new app on my laptop, in order to have a virtual appointment with with my longtime pain doctor at the U of U, Dr. Bow (not her real name, but she’s loved my bow ties for years). The U has re-vamped how they are conducting virtual doctor appointments, which requires me to use this new app. Installing an app can take only seconds, but for technical reasons I don’t care to fully understand, my laptop was having none of it. It would not download the new app, no matter what swear word I thought in my head.

I tried everything I could think of. I called tech support to aid my efforts. After I followed a few of his suggestions with no success, the tech finally gave up. I did not. I kept troubleshooting. Finally, after more than an hour, I tried the thing that rarely makes any sense, but often works: I turned off my laptop and let it just sit there for about ten minutes. I did the equivalent of unplugging it. And sure enough, after powering it up again, the very first time I re-tried downloading the app I needed, it worked. I don’t know why I resist unplugging a device as the very first fix of whatever problem it has, but I do. I could save myself plenty of time by just unplugging the offending gadget first, but it somehow feels like unplugging is admitting intellectual defeat. It’s like saying, “I’m too stoopid to figure out the actual problem and its accompanying solution.” I think that from now on I’m going to make a conscious effort to be stoopid about my technology problems: I’m going to unplug first, and ask questions later.

Anyhoo… I wore a black and silver, paisley Bow Tie o’ the Day for my virtual appointment. It popped out nicely from my multi-colored paisley-covered Shirt o’ the Day. Dr. Bow and her assistant both commented on how “alive” my shirt and bow tie looked together. When you’re dealing with doctors, hearing the word “alive” is always better than hearing its opposite.