When Suzanne and I were waiting to get on our plane home from the Nashville airport, Bow Tie o’ the Day asked, “Did we bring Gary on our vacation?” I was pretty sure we hadn’t brought him, even though I knew Gary and my Sister Who Wishes To Remain Nameless would have enjoyed Nashville to no end.
I looked around our boarding gate area to see what Bow Tie was talking about, and I saw this flannel shirt guy apparently stretching his legs before boarding his next plane. He circled the terminal for about an hour, and every time he strolled close to us, he caught my eye. He dressed like Gary. Beard, glasses, hat—same. He even walked like Gary walks. Golly, he was Gary’s doppelgänger!
Whether airport guy was the good twin or the evil twin, I don’t know. Perhaps I should have asked him which twin he was. Gary’s always been a decent man to me and my family. Heck, he’s been a happy-to-fix-it hubby to me and Suzanne. I’m betting he’s the good twin. But now that I know for sure Gary has a doppelgänger, I’m keeping a sharper eye on him and his deeds—just in case he’s the bad seed.
Alert!!!!! Voter fraud was discovered yesterday in Davis County!!!!! Fake vote!!!!! Fake voter!!!!! Fortunately, TIE O’ THE DAY has made a citizen’s arrest, and Skitter is now on house arrest until the 2020 elections are over.
After I gifted away this morning’s flag-filled Tie o’ the Day, I was only temporarily without neckwear. Of course, y’all know by now that I have plenty o’ patriotic ties and bow ties to choose from, so it wasn’t a problem to find this Tie o’ the Rest o’ the Day. I wore the “I VOTED” sticker on my forehead until I took this selfie. I made my voting sticker into an eyepatch, so I could be a pirate. Here’s a secret: If I made the rules of life, we’d all have to wear an eyepatch and play pirate at least once a week.
While my “I VOTED” sticker was still on my forehead, this second Tie o’ the Day and I had to scurry to Bountiful for my hearing appointment. I’ve worn a hearing aid in my right ear for almost two years now, and it does its job adequately. But now, I have tinnitus in my left ear which never shuts off its droning. It always sounds like water is running or the AM radio is static-ing in my left ear. If I experience the sound of silence at all, it is when I’m asleep. But that doesn’t count, cuz I’m asleep and don’t know what I am or am not hearing.
Anyhoo… Today at my hearing appointment, Dr. Earlobe—which is what I’ll call him—tested my hearing thoroughly. The good news is that my right ear hasn’t gotten worse since I got my hearing aid. The verdict on the tinnitus is what I knew it would be: I’m stuck with that. Ain’t no cure for the tinnitus, but we can likely manage it a bit. The bad news is that my left ear’s hearing ability is now where my right ear’s hearing was two years ago—way back when I first needed the hearing aid. Yup, I am soon going to be nicknamed Four Ears. In two weeks, I will be wearing hearing aids in both ears.
Look, I’m not griping when I talk about my medical woes o’ aging. I am simply sharing stories with y’all about whatever decrepitude is crepitating on/in my body at any given time. It’s just life. You know as well as I do—if you’re old enough—you will wake up with some new bone creak or varicose vein tomorrow. And tomorrow, and tomorrow,/ Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,/ To the last syllable of recorded time;/ And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!/ Life is but a walking shadow, a poor player/ That struts and frets his hour upon the stage/ And then is heard no more. It is a tale/ Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury/ signifying nothing./
Sorry ’bout that. I guess I went all Macbeth, thinking about how our bodies fall apart on us and how we might as well be zombies with crumbling bodies in our old age. 🤡
BTW See how I managed to write some highfalutin’ Shakespeare into a story about the ringing in my left ear? That felt good. ✍️ 💻 🤓
Flag Tie o’ the Day didn’t know it was going to happen. I didn’t even know it was going to happen. Nevertheless, Tie got adopted! All we were trying to do was vote in the Primaries, and one of the women working in the polling place just completely fell in love with Tie. She thanked me for wearing Tie. The poll worker and I talked briefly about ties and patriotism and voting, and then I took my ballot and cast my vote. Mission completed, I drove home wearing my “I VOTED” sticker on my forehead—which I will wear until the polls close, just in case somebody in my path today needs a reminder to do their civic duty.
But I got to cogitating about the good conversation I had with the poll worker this morning. I got thinking about how we always want the best for our kids. We want them to have all the advantages we can provide. I’m like that with all the little beings in my neckwear collection too. Can you imagine the amazing, patriotic life flaggy Tie could live if it got to be front-and-center at a polling place each and every election? What kind of tie mom would I be if I didn’t make sure Tie could be its best tie self?
So I drove back to my polling place, found the person I had conversed with earlier, and asked her what Tie’s life would be like if I handed Tie over to her. As I suspected, Tie o’ the Day will be worn at any event its new owner finds the least bit patriotic—especially on days when the polls are open. Tie’s new owner was eagerly grateful for the opportunity to give Tie a more stars-and-stripes life than I can. It was difficult for me to say my farewell to Tie, but it is a sacrifice I felt I had to make for Tie’s benefit. I don’t like to admit it, but sometimes a tie o’ mine can have a larger life with someone else.
Bow Tie o’ the Day wonders if we’ll ever run out of long-forgotten snapshots. We’re glad we keep finding them. I am particularly amazed I still run onto old pictures since most of my pre-1999 photos were kidnapped and taken to Texas with an ex, where they have lived for the last 20 years. I am currently in hostage negotiations to get them back, if they still even exist. They will be a treasure trove, for sure.
This is a yearbook photo from Delta Jr. High. Apparently, this is the 7th and 8th Grade Student Council from 1977. Seated, from left to right: Karen Dafoe, Lisa Hardy, Georgia Grayson, ME. Standing, from left to right, Gordon Jeffery, Joel Finlinson, Kipp Oppenheimer, Chris Brown, Richard Jacobson, Susan Redd, Wayne Dafoe.
I don’t remember actually doing anything in Jr. High Student Council, except meeting once a month and pretending we ran the school. We did learn how to conduct meetings, make motions, and second the motions made by others. It made us feel like we were important. Mostly, we had a good time being out of class for an hour. It was like sluffing, with permission.
Here’s how Mom showed up at my former Delta house one morning a few March’s ago. Mom is one person who is allowed to show up on TIE O’ THE DAY posts whether or not there’s any sort of tie anywhere in the snapshot. I kneel in honor of Mom’s massive, over-the-top coolness.
We went to Nashville about 30 hours after we got home from Valentine’s dinner, so I put these photos aside until now. Rest assured, I will never NOT post about Valentine’s dinner. It’s what I do, so here it is.
Like last year, I chose to wear my candy, conversation hearts Bow Tie o’ the Day for the bigly event. It’s one of my jumbo-sized bow ties, which are especially fun to wear because no one can ignore them.
I was lucky to get Suzanne and I dinner reservations at CURRENT, in SLC. The minute we walked in the door, we were accosted by admirers of my cape and Bow Tie. I always like to give proper credit to Suzanne, as the cape maker of my smashing frocks, so I love for her to be around when I get cape compliments. It’s so much better than just telling her about the accolades I hear when I’m out alone in a cape. Sometimes when I relay a cape compliment I’ve received, I think she doesn’t believe me that her seamstress ability is as eye-catching and successful as I try to express. But she knows how to create a fine cape. If ya wanna cape made, Suzanne is definitely your man.
Once we were seated upstairs for our din-din, Suzanne promptly managed to order a bottle of wine that cost more than dinner. She’s always thoughtful enough to let me smell the adult beverages. I can vouch for the fact that expensive wine has an expensive smell. And the aroma will have to be enough for me.
I ordered an appetizer which was mostly a mystery to me—even after I ate it. I recognized most of the words on its menu description, and I knew from dining at CURRENT in the past that it would show up looking glorious on the plate in front of me. It would be pretty and safe—whatever it was. I can attest that my appetizer had pesto and butternut puree and grilled bread, among other things. It was yummy. Suzanne had the crab bisque, with puff pastry crackers.
You can guess Suzanne had the scallops, and I had the prime rib. Always guess that’s what we had for a fancy dinner, and you’ll be right more often than not.
We didn’t decline dessert, even though we were stuffed. Our desserts were extravagantly pretty too. Mine was called Persian Love Cake, and I can’t explain it except to say I know it was covered in pistachios and fig jam, and at some point I was eating rose petals as part of it. ‘Twas tasty. I was so focused on my own dessert that I didn’t really pay attention to what Suzanne had. It was some kind of chocolate torte. I think.
At some point during dinner, my cheeks got kissed. I’m telling you right now that I did not wash my cheeks that evening. I did not wash the kisses off my cheeks the entire next day either. I finally did wash the lipstick away before we went to the airport to fly to Nashville.
TIE O’ THE DAY recognizes the power of words. Yup, the pen is truly mightier than the sword. Sometimes people use language to attempt to defeat our efforts to create a happy life. You women, especially, know how that “b”-word can get thrown at you at key moments of your triumphs. We mostly hear it when we step out of line to stand up for ourselves. We mostly hear it when we are inconveniencing the status quo— when we say, “Nope, I was not put on earth to always take care of everyone else but me.”
And so we learn to take back the b-word. We begin to wear it with pride. We wear it in the way only tough broads can. We learn to take it as a compliment. It is in this spirit that I fell in love with these socks. I decided to get a pair for each of the crafty bitches in my life, starting with Suzanne—Queen of the Crafty Bitches. She can craft up food, quilts, capes, scarves, etc. But as I tallied up all the crafty women I know, I realized—to my delight—almost all of the women I am related to, or otherwise consider friends, are of the same tough breed. There is no way I could afford to buy that many pairs o’ socks. The store where I found this pair certainly did not have enough to fill my order. So the photo of this pair is for all of you ladies who know what I’m talking about. May the b-word be with you!
Bow Tie o’ the Day was witness to some bigly sights in Nashville. Even Bow Tie knows one of the best things about traveling to a place you don’t know much about is that you can be surprised by what you find there. This was our favorite thing-we-didn’t-know-was-in-Nashville-and-we’re-so-glad-it-exists.
As a younger soul, I was into Greek mythology, art, and architecture. I thought I’d have to go to Athens to catch what’s left of the Parthenon, and I hope I do someday. But this full-size replica of the complete Parthenon was breathtaking to behold. It houses an equally humongous statue of the goddess, Athena. Nashville considers itself the “Athens of the South”—a hotbed of learning, art, music, and literature. After visiting for a few days, I can see why.
I chose an ice cream bar Bow Tie o’ the Day for our first foray into downtown Nashville. We were touristing in the guts of the city, and I asked Suzanne if there was anything special she wanted to do while we were there. She wanted to go to the symphony.
There’s a plethora of music to be had in Nashville, as we all know. Leave it to Suzanne to have read something about the Nashville Symphony throwing Beethoven a birthday party when we were in town, by performing some of his works. So the first thing we did was score a couple of tickets for a symphonic performance later in the week. For the life of me, I don’t know what got into Suzanne because I can’t drag her to the symphony at home. But we set foot in Nashville for 15 seconds, and suddenly Suzanne was symphony-hungry.
For our evening at the Nashville Symphony, I donned a paw print Bow Tie o’ the Day. It seems I was missing Skitter beyond all reason that day. I knew darn well she was happy being spoiled with a week-long sleeping party at our house with Suzanne’s sister, Marjorie. Still, I missed her, and I knew she would have enjoyed the symphony. Skitter is a devoted listener to all kinds of music, and Beethoven is right up there on Skitter’s List O’ Astounding Composers—right up there with Philip Glass and Lawrence Welk.
