Here’s my dress! Vera Wang designed it, and argyle Bow Tie o’ the Day o’ The Oscars gave it the thumbs-up when I selected it for my walk along the Red Carpet tonight. I can see the constant, blinding camera flashes already. This “gown” guarantees me a spot on the Academy Awards’ Best Dressed lists on tomorrow’s morning news shows. It’s a powerful dress, with powerful tall shoes.
I feel a bit nostalgic about this dress. It reminds me of the dress I wore, one time only, when I received my baby blessing from Dad when I was two-months old. I remember how happy I felt when I wore that dress. (Har, har, har.)
This photo also shows you how I’m going to cup my hands to gently and safely hold the Oscar statuette I will win for Best Screenplay tonight. I must carry it– in order to brag– as I attend all the after-Oscars Hollywood parties.
I must cut this post short, in order to go upstairs now and dress myself for tonight’s bigly event. Look for me on the Red Carpet. There will be plenty of attendees wearing bow ties, so you can’t necessarily look for me based on that characteristic. Here’s how to spot me: I will be the only celebrity emerging– to step onto the Red Carpet– from an Uber limousine. Of course, the dress will stand out too. Finding me in the crowd will not be quite as difficult as finding Waldo.
I love how distortedly long “your” legs are. No one, I repeat, NO ONE has legs like that. And I’ve seen that dress before. I wasn’t born when you wore it, but I’ve seen it in person and for real!