Day: June 4, 2020

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Skitter Is Askeered, Yet Again

I thought I was lookin’ pretty hip in my geometric-pattern Face Mask o’ the Day and my wood Bow Tie o’ the Day. But after I examined the selfies I took, I realized no one can see the bow tie cuz it’s camo-patterned. On top of that, my total look apparently scared Skitter into a brow scowl rivaling my own when I’m not happy. She looks like she’s ready to jump ship and hie to Kolob in the twinkling of an eye. (Excuse the Mormon hymn reference)

Skitter is as patient with me and my clothing whims as Suzanne is, but Suzanne never gets scared of how I look—because her brain is bigly-er than a walnut and she understands I’m just weird. But I promise—here and now—that from now on, when I get dressed for the day, I will try harder to be more sensitive to Skitter’s easily-afeared canine feelings.

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Redneck Is, As Redneck Does

Rosy Bow Tie o’ the Day is a velvety wonder. Trust me—velvet works with redneck style. Think: Bright paintings of Elvis on black velvet. Personally, I’ve never owned a black velvet painting of any kind. However, I did once own a sculpted portrait of The Three Wise Men, constructed out of macaroni glued to an empty cardboard fabric bolt, then completely spray-painted gold. (My grandma, Zola, created it.)

Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to be a redneck. I am a highly educated redneck, it’s true. But I have never allowed my advanced education to lessen my redneck IQ. I have proudly had an old couch on my front porch at times—to provide plenty of cushioned room for any stray guests who might redneckly drop by without invitation or warning. (Yes, on the infamous Delta porch.) I have also had an old mattress on my front porch, reserved for my passel of mutts and any cats, goats, toads, or wandering fowl in the neighborhood. And as a redneck bonus, I can fix anything mechanical with duct tape and/or baling wire. My redneck dad taught me well.