Witty & Wise Ties, Trivia & Lies
Can’t get my ears warm. Shirt o’ the Day is a late X-mas gift from Suzanne the Educator. Tie o’ the Day is right on target. I played darts in Ireland. One time. It took only one dart drawing blood from my noggin to make it clear I was a threat to myself and others. I think it’s as important to find out what our limits are as to find and develop our talents. I’ve learned that not all weaknesses can/need be turned into strengths. 🎯
Hey! I dared make a real candy Bow Tie o’ the Day. It’s the craftiest craft I’ve crafted in my loooooong life. It actually resembles a bow tie! The best thing about homemade Bow Tie is I can eat the pb M&M’s when I’m done wearing it. Having to then make a replacement bow tie is a dandy excuse for buying more candy, which I’ll likewise munch. And thus, the Circle o’ Candy Bow Tie Life continues on— until I’m fat, hyperglycemic, and candy bow tie-less.
I’ve told you I eat weird things for breakfast. This morning I can’t decide what to eat. Tie and Bow Tie o’ the Day tout two possibilities. Do I build the tossed salad? Or open the peanut M&M’s? I hate to favor one food over the other, or one piece o’ neckwear over the other. You know, of course, what I’m obligated to feast on right now. In order to keep the peace, and to not hurt any feelings, I must eat both. 🥗 🍫
So it’s a Monday, and you’re kinda crabby, so you’re grumbling at the dog and at your own reflection in the window. You’re also hungry, but you don’t wanna cook, and you don’t wanna order a pizza or drive to a restaurant. You are about to give up on being jolly for even one minute today. And then… while you’re folding the laundry, two blessings stare up into your blue eyes: the Ties/Bow Ties o’ the Day boxers you sleep in. Where’s your grumpy now?! 🤗 👔 🎀
My pencils dress in Bow Ties o’ the Day to help me write. I planned to do a bunch of writing today, but the legal pad doesn’t lie. Me and Bow Ties are experiencing a severe bout of writer’s block. Sometimes it passes quickly. Sometimes I have to swear at my own congested head before the words start percolating into something sensical. I am not a cursin’ gal. But swearing can be kinda like praying: I do it in private, and I focus intensely on inspiration.
Skitter’s been going through boxes o’ papers, and she latched onto Bow Tie o’ the Day, which decorates the most perfect-for-me birthday card I’ve ever received— right down to its shirt and vest. Suzanne gave the card to me years ago. I think she knows me well. In fact, she probably knows me too well for my own good. In the final analysis, I’m quite easy to please. My needs are simple: books and ties take care of me. Steak is also necessary. 🐄 🍽
I went to grab the mail, and one of my neighbors drove by. (She’s Rocko the Toddler’s mom. I know the names of neighbor-kids and neighbor-pets, but not their parents’ names. That’s how I roll.) I waved to Rocko’s mom, but she was clutching her throat. I thought the poor woman was choking. Nope. That was her way of saying YOU FORGOT TO WEAR A TIE! How embarrassing! It’s cool that my neighbors know my tie ways. Yet Rocko’s mom probably doesn’t know my name either.
Bow Tie o’ the Day is a set of beauti-luscious cufflinks Suzanne won’t buy me for my birthday. My birthday isn’t until March, and she’s claiming she can’t save enough $$ for them. Blah, blah, blah. Really, though, if she cared about what I want, she’d sell her car or mortgage the house to buy ’em for me. The ad says the shipping is even free, so that keeps the cost down. What I don’t understand? You purchase a teeny, $18,800. item, and they don’t gift-wrap? 🎁 💸
Bow Ties o’ the Day agreed to do me a favor by covering my “wounds.” You know how it is: you did something that your spouse isn’t gonna like—like maybe you over-spent your monthly tie budget. You have plenty o’ ‘splainin’ to do. That’s when you’ve gotta distract your person from your crime. Sympathy is a good go-to. If you already have a boo-boo, make a big deal out of your pain. If not, wear Bow Bandages anyway. Pretend. And milk it. 🤕 🤥 🥛
Love me my Bow Tie o’ the Day! The solid purple of the back bow frames the front bow perfectly. My rubber ducky cufflinks are enamored of Bow Tie as well. If it weren’t for y’all, I wouldn’t even have gotten dressed today. I haven’t had to set foot outside the house. The weather’s gucky. The cupboards are full. I might as well have declared a Pajama Day for myself. But then you wouldn’t have gotten to see Bow Tie and Rubber Duckies o’ the Day. 👻