Category: Ties

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We’ve All Done It

Tie o’ the Day invaded my office in the loft a few minutes ago. I was busily doing the hunt-and-peck thing at my keyboard–writing money-making poetry, which doesn’t really make much money. And then much to my amusement, the scoundrel hopped up on the printer/copier to do what we’ve all done during office parties where the holiday punch was purposely spiked. Like each of us once did, Tie o’ the Day made copies of its butt! Yup, I did that once. Oops! (At least I did it before the internet, so I probably don’t have to be afraid copies will show up anywhere in my future.)

Perhaps I haven’t always been the best example for my ties and bow ties. But heck, that was way back in the 80’s. I have repented many times since then, for many 80’s things. And for the 90’s things. And for the 2000’s and 2010’s stuff too. As evidence of my contrition, I can show you dozens of pairs of my jeans where the knees are completely worn out from my dropping to my knees to pray for forgiveness for my various missteps.

Gee, all that repenting makes me sound like a not-so-perfect person. I guess we are all in that same sailboat, huh? And I guess our imperfection is the reason we are supposed to help each other move through the choppy waves of life. That’s what people are for. I’m gonna repeat something I’ve preached often: Things are meant to be used. People are meant to be loved. We’re supposed to keep that straight.

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Grace Anne Is A Cougar. I Am Not.

I’m sporting UTE Bow Tie o’ the Day for the second time this week. BYU Tie o’ the Day is all for Gracie. It’s not her fault she’s a Cougar. Bishop Travis and Bishopette Collette are responsible for her Cougar-osity, as it should be. GO, UTES!

I am a Delta Rabbit. I’m also a Weber State Wildcat. I am even a University of Maryland (BC) Labrador. But I actually consider myself to be, first and foremost, a UTE. Back in the olden days, I studied and taught at the University of Utah for a few years while I was in Graduate School.

I never attended BYU, although when I was in high school, I did take a week-long BYU-sponsored writing workshop somewhere in some mountains near Provo, and it was taught by two BYU professors. Even though I was named Best Poet at the workshop, I did not turn into a Cougar. I generally root for the Cougars if they’re not playing against the U. It doesn’t kill me to switch sides. A rivalry does not mean you have to “hate” the other team, but it helps to do so at times. Fantastic pranks have been born of “rivalry hate.”

Certainly, if you’re betting actual money on any rivalry game, bet with your head. Bet on the best team, even if you’ll be betting against the team you love. You don’t have to tell everybody you bet against your heart’s team, and you can still wear your true team’s fan garb as you cheer your lungs out for them– losers though they might be, some years. With your secret winnings– from betting against your loser team– treat your pals from both sides of the rivalry to post-game ice cream and pizza. Nobody will care how you got the money.

GO, UTES!

FYI If you’re hanging onto your naive notion that Cougar fans don’t commit the sin of betting (money or otherwise), please take the opportunity right now to return to reality. It’ll be so nice to see you again when you get back.

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It Once Was Lost, But Now Is Found

I told you about Suzanne crocheting me two neckties, and one was a scary, neon tangle which I presented to you as a Tie o’ the Day yesterday. I didn’t even know where this second crocheted tie was hanging out, and then last night… VOILA! I found it in the urban ghetto area of The Tie Room, while I was looking for Skitter’s French fry hat. Is it a coincidence I found both ugly ties in the same day? Not to me. I have no doubt this Tie o’ the Day got jealous of the other crochet Tie o’ the Day’s new-found fame. Neckties are like that.

And now I’ll make sure none of us ever sees either crocheted tie again. They are officially retired from the active neckwear collection. They’ll spend the remainder of their existence in perpetual emeritus status.

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A Noble Attempt Was A Funky Failure

Tie o’ the Day is not only blinding, it’s found nowhere on the planet but in The Tie Room. This green and lavender tie is an original, one-of-a-kind crochet design by Suzanne. She did not come up with the idea to crochet me some ties: I begged her to do it for me, and she crocheted me two. I told her, however, to be done with the assignment, after she had crocheted the second– equally maladjusted– tie. The final products left everything to be desired, which was not Suzanne’s fault. Ties just should not be crocheted.

Suzanne told me right at the beginning of the endeavor that it wouldn’t really work, and I knew it wouldn’t. But Suzanne is so cute when her craft-for-Helen face comes over her. I make sure to convince her to craft for my purposes whenever I can think of a project I happen to want made. She’s a bigly sport about my whims. And I will love the two ugly, Suzanne-crocheted ties forever. But I don’t think even I could love a third one.

Speaking of my whims, Wednesday, August 28th, is National Bow Tie Day. I didn’t start it, but you can darn well bet I celebrate it. I wonder what Skitter is planning to wear for the occasion. Gather your bow ties, people.

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Utah v. BYU

It’s rivalry week, fans. The Utah v. BYU football game approaches this Thursday. I’m still a bit miffed about it not being an annual game anymore. As such, the game doesn’t pack the same rivalry punch it once did, but that didn’t stop me from wearing my Utah Utes Bow Tie o’ the Day to Provo yesterday to stir the pot at Bishop Travis’ house and ward. Truly, I felt I had an obligation to Miss Gracie to show her there are other schools and teams in the world beyond BYU. The world is bigly, Grace Anne!

Note: Bishopette Collette made sure Gracie was decked out in bow ties for my visit. A head bow. A tough to see bow on the front of her dress. And bows on her shoes. I have that much influence at least.

Go, Utes!

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My New Glasses

Tie o’ the Day classes up this post, which is probably why I always wear neckwear. I quite like to be classied up.

My broken glasses were not reading glasses like Mom’s were. They were a pair of my regular spectacles. I think of them as driving glasses because I only desperately need them when I drive. That is a highly important reason to wear them, and I didn’t think it was a good idea to rig them up with some forgotten item from the junk drawer in the kitchen. (Don’t deny it. You have a junk drawer too.) I have to be completely honest. I need to wear my glasses if I want a clear look at anything which is more than twenty feet away from me. I can’t read with my glasses on, however. Anyhoo… It was time for me to get a new pair of “driving” glasses to keep me from being a danger to anyone’s road safety, and so I did.

I love this new pair! It weighs about the same as a pair of earrings. The lenses are teeny, but just bigly enough to serve their purpose. It feels as if I’m wearing contacts outside of my eyes. I’m able to read below and around the lenses, so I don’t need to keep taking off my glasses to read labels at the grocery store. It really makes me happy to not have to go to the trouble of taking my glasses off and putting them back on, over and over again, while grocery shopping.

In reality, it’s pretty pathetic that to put on/take off glasses seems like a bigly chore, and is a factor in my choice of glasses frame. Oh, dear! Someone better fan me with a palm frond soon. I’m feeling faint. Feed me grapes by hand as I lie here resting on this lounger. And most importantly, who died and made me Cleopatra the Entitled? I really must have my assistant send them a sympathy, thank you note from me.

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But They Still Work: PART ONE

I have become like Mom in so many ways, the latest of which is what I shall call The Wearin’ o’ the Broken Glasses. I love this broken pair of glasses. The frames might be missing an arm, but the lenses aren’t completely scratched up. I can still see through them, mostly. Purple and gray Tie o’ the Day laughs at me every time I do something like Mom or Dad– something which I previously laughed at and said out loud to myself, “That’s ridiculous! I will never do that.” Famous last words.

I recall wounded and repaired reading glasses strewn all through my childhood house. From these glasses and the various home repairs that extended their usefulness, I learned a rudimentary lesson or two about engineering and mechanics.

The most common source of reading eyeglass disability seems to be the loss of the sliver-width screw for the hinge connecting the frame and the arms. My parents’ repairs for this problem were practical. Safety pins, paper clips, nails, toothpicks, and bobby pins– these were all used to fill in for the lost invisible screws. I have used some of those items to accomplish the same task myself, but I’ve also used twist ties, duct tape, thread, and Super Glue.

It takes a lot of vital creativity to be too lazy to go to the grocery store to buy a new pair of reading glasses for 12 bucks.

TO BE CONTINUED IN NEXT POST

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I Sorta Figured It Was Coming

It was inevitable. When I re-posted the infamous thong-attached-to-bow-tie photo yesterday, I should have realized I would get requests for the bow-tie-tuxedo-briefs photo. This snapshot was taken on New Year’s Eve 2018. So, with even more gratitude for TIE O’ THE DAY readers who remembered it, here it is.

For your complete viewing pleasure, take it all in. Do not miss a detail. Around my neck: 6 Ties o’ the Day, 2 Bow Ties o’ the Day. Bow tie beanie. Christmas lights jacket. Matching set of pajamas, for once. Bow tie/tuxedo socks. My clunky “funeral shoes,” which name I need to explain to y’all someday soon. And the star o’ the pic: my bow tie/tux Briefs o’ the Day, which I bought online for 0 cents and $2.99 shipping.

I have a feeling the thong and the briefs will show up again, having new adventures, this holiday season.

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It Never Gets Old

See, I really do shop at a grocery store called DICK’S. ‘Nuf said. Life is funny. And life is also plenty difficult to bear sometimes, so find the funny wherever you can. If you can’t find any funny, create some.

Tie o’ the Day is a style called a “bulldogger tie.” It’s named after the rodeo event called bulldogging. Bulldogging is also known as steer wrestling. Wearing a bulldogger tie has never yet made me want to wrestle a steer, and I doubt it ever will. But I can see this would be a good tie to wear while wrestling with a steer. It’s not long or poofy enough to get in the way of completing the bulldogging task at hand, and it has just the right amount of tie-ness to be a tie.

As I was working in The Tie Room today, I was thinking about the wide range of neckwear I have– from bow ties to bolos to ascots to cravats, and more. I am enthralled with bow ties above all other kinds of ties in my collection, but I still love a charming necktie. When I first contemplated doing a website tblog (tie blog), I settled on the domain name of TIE O’ THE DAY with the idea that the general term “tie” covers all types of neckwear.

The website traffic is healthy. Facebook traffic to the posts is steady. I’ve been unfriended only twice in the two-and-a-half years I’ve been posting the tblog there. One of the folks who unfriended me after a post says I’m the Antichrist. Apparently, I am everything that’s wrong with the world. I think if I really were the Antichrist my life would be a lot more dramatic, so I kinda think I’m not. Y’all are the judge.