Witty & Wise Ties, Trivia & Lies
And she knows how to brandish Neckwear o’ the Day. I wanna put up some pix in The Tie Room, and I’m thinking I might go strictly Dietrich. I say that, but I’m sure the room won’t feel right if I don’t have at least one Katharine Hepburn print, too. And maybe a print of a colorful clown with an outlandish bow tie. Everything can’t be black and white.
This would be a knee-slappin’ story, but I can’t tell it right now. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell it on TIE O’ THE DAY. But if I could, you’d guffaw so hard you’d snort your drink right out your nose and onto whatever techno gadget you’re reading this post on. So I’m sorry to tease y’all, but you’ll just have to wonder about what I did. Let it suffice to say that my Tie o’ the Day is telling you I am currently residing in the proverbial doghouse. I did a thing. And it didn’t work out as planned. I miscalculated. It was a hilarious thing, but it turned into a mess. I’m laughing about it already, but I’m trying to play it down a bit around Suzanne. She’s not seeing the humor yet. I know she and I will laugh about it together someday. And I hope y’all will laugh about it too. But today is not that day. If I had a tail, it would be contritely between my legs. I will content myself with the non-comforts of the doghouse this weekend, I’m sure.
On a daily basis, there are lots of things being said and done out in the world which Skitter and I find disappointing, chaotic, and generally not nice. We have chosen to live by a few truths that assist us in making our way through life relatively unscathed by the malarkey being so proudly spat by destructive hooligans we occasionally encounter in our realm. Chief among our values is KINDNESS. And one of the bigly truths of how kindness works is that the only way to live kindness is to share it. It is impossible to be a kind soul if you’re only kind to yourself. It is also impossible to be a kind soul if you don’t put kindness into action. Feeling kind, or thinking kind thoughts, is completely ineffective. You must share kindness, in order to keep yourself kind.
Anyhoo… On today’s Pandemic Hairs Thursday, I decided to reinforce to Skitter the value of KINDNESS. I asked her if she would share one of her new Ties o’ the Day with me. She was glad to share it. And I asked her if she wanted me to share some of my Pandemic Hairs o’ the Day with her. I mean—I have an excess of hairs I’m not using right now. She relished the idea of temporarily having long hair. Despite how miserable she looks in these photos, she was giddy. Skitter and I just sat around in the loveseat for part of the afternoon, sharing her ties and my hairs with each other. We both agreed that even simple, near-effortless acts of kind can enrich us beyond measure. To perform acts of kindness is a revolutionary idea.
Be kind, y’all. Commit to kindness. Kindness goes with whatever you’re wearing.
When I talk to Mom on the phone, she always wants to know what Skitter is up to. I tell Mom Skitter is up to the same things she always is: She sleeps, potties, eats, runs around like crazy, naps, barks at the world, eats, potties, and sleeps again. She naps in as many different places as she she can, all day long. That’s when Mom tells me her daily routine at MCR is the very same as Skitter’s. That’s when I tell Mom that’s exactly why she and The Skit love and miss each other. You can surely tell Mom and Skitter apart in these photos. Mom is the one with the cup o’ Pepsi, and Skitter is the one wearing her Tie o’ the Day.
I wasn’t looking for a new shirt. I have plenty. I was buying Skitter’s dog food online, and I happened to see this shirt. I was speechless and felt lucky to have come upon it. I did not check my piggy bank. I did not check the balance on my debit card. I just ordered the shirt, as soon as I calmed down enough to do it. I had to have this shirt. It is, however, a bit roomy for me. To be precise, it is two pillows too big for me. I don’t care. It has to belong to me.
I know. You think I should exchange it for a smaller size. Nope. Not possible. Large is the only size which was still available, so I gladly took it. And even if there were other sizes, no matter which size I ordered, chances are that it would be wrong. I hate buying clothes online. You never know how the size is going to correspond to the size printed on the tag. I am tired of hearing that sizes are universal. To that, I say, “Fake news!” I have a whole closet of shirts that proves sizes are in no way uniform. According to the tags in the shirts hanging in my closet, I wear the size S, M, L, and XL. And they all fit me the very same. I know the laws of physics well enough to know that my one body is not 4 different sizes at once. Universal sizing does not exist.
Anyhoo… I’m keeping this bigly shirt, thank you very much. Scream Tie o’ the Day agrees I should. I probably won’t wear the shirt with the pillows added, however. Maybe I’ll wear it as a bathrobe.
Here are some past X-mas Neckwear o’ the Day photos. Guess what I want for Christmas this year? A hug from Mom. Yeah, I’m 56 and my needle is stuck on the “hug from Mom” record again.
I called Mom this afternoon, and she’s just as chipper as ever. Mom’s always upbeat. It makes me jealous. Almost every time I call her, she is in the middle of doing something or talking to someone. Today, she’s on the hunt for pine nuts from out west. I have no doubt she will wrangle someone in town into sneaking some in to her despite the lockdown. Mom’s got pull. She’s like her very own Mafia boss. She’s THE MOMFATHER. And what The Momfather wants, The Momfather gets!
I kinda feel like I’m interrupting Mom’s routine when I call, but calls from the family are also part of her routine at MCR—especially since we can’t visit her during the lovely COVID-19 era. She says she sleeps well there, and she feels safe. As her family, we couldn’t possibly ask for her to be in a better spot. She always reassures us that she’s content right where she is. She says she’s quite content even though she and the other MCR residents can’t sit by each other at meals or go on their field trips right now.
Mom’s gonna be 90 at the end of September. She deserves to relax, and so that’s what she does. She’s very busy relaxing, all the livelong day.
So, here it was a quiet Sunday afternoon, and “ding-dong.” I decided I would ignore whatever visitor was at the door, cuz I was enjoying my quiet Sabbath afternoon. I figured if it was important, whoever was out there would keep ding-donging. But there was nary another ding-dong, nor was there a knock-knock from outside.
A bit later, Suzanne happened to go outside. Sitting on the front step was a package for Skitter from prime. Apparently, the little mutt had found my amazon account and my debit card. She’s a crafty beast. As I opened up her package, I discovered she’s also a chip off the old tie block. She had ordered all 40 of these tiny ties. Skitter presents 40 Ties o’ the Day. She wins.
Self, buy a bling-y Tiara o’ the Day to match my bejeweled necklace Tie o’ the Day. ASAP!
When I went to Head Start, the bus picked me up right in front of my house and took me to the school in Hinckley. This slide shows me getting on the bus to go off to my first day in the public school system. I was not yet 4. Note that our dog, Dumb Dumb, escorted me to the bus—before reverting to dogness and sniffing the bus tire for evidence of other mutts.
Mr. Farnsworth, the Hinckley principal, does our Tie o’ the Day honors. Mrs. Flora Wood was my Head Start teacher, but I was convinced she was really Mae West. I was positive all that glamour and wit could not come out of some regular lady from Millard County. I slipped up a few times and called her Mrs. West. It didn’t faze Mrs. Wood one bit.
Class photo—Back row: Shelly Shields, Darren Hathaway (?), Kim Draper, Tom Ashby, Virginia Christensen, ??, Sherry Winkle (?), Mrs. Beverly Eliason. Front row: Mr. Gail Farnsworth, Donna Harris, Scott Larsen, Phyllis Christensen, Wee me, Preston Eliason, Ruben Lazaro, Vanda Dalton, Mrs. Flora Wood.
BTW I cannot convey to y’all how much I loved the jacket I was wearing in my class picture. I still want it.
If you’re from my hometown of Deltabama, UT, you probably know some of the folks in these slides. You won’t see Dad anywhere because he must have been the official photographer.
I can’t find any ties or bow ties on anybody, but Mom’s cat sunglasses at Hoover Dam certainly qualify as Sunglasses o’ the Day. Check out her wild pants too. From left to right: Helen Barney, Mom, Peggy and Grant Crane. There’s no date on the slide, but I’m guessing they visited Hoover Dam together in the early 60’s.
The other two pix were taken in our living room, long before I was born—probably the mid-50’s. Again, Dad was the official photographer. I imagine Mom catered the affair. The dinner party must have been a celebration, but I can’t tell exactly what that might have been. The fashion is snappy, eh? I can identify most of the guests: Mom is in the middle of the second slide, wearing red and her apron. Also at her table are Helen and Joe Barney. At the next table, you can see Peggy and Grant Crane, and—I think—Donna and Clark Cox. Glen Gardner is sitting in the chair under the lamp, and his first wife, Irma, is to Peggy’s right. I don’t remember the names of the other couple, but I do remember them.
My fave thing about the third slide is how Peggy Crane has thrown back her head, overcome with laughter.
I just realized something. Mom is the only one in the pix who is still alive. Our family is lucky. I might have to break in to the care center to see her soon.
