Category: Ties

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I Ain’t Just A Landlubber

From my earliest days as a beachgoer at Gunnison Bend Reservoir, a.k.a, the Rez, I have loved sand, water, and sun. When I was in my older kidhood, I rode my bike the 6 miles to the western-most shore of the Rez every day of summer when I had time, unless my Sister Who Wishes To Remain Nameless had a day off work. If she did, she drove us out to the water to bake under the desert sun on our bigly beach towels. Ah, the smell of Coppertone coconut oil lotion sizzling on our skin.

On the beach, we listened to static-y AM radio stations broadcasting out of Provo, on a clunky transistor radio fueled by D-size batteries. It weighed as much as a jackhammer. We read magazines and paperbacks we had bought at Service Drug or the Rexall, and we drank Tab and Diet Rite Cola—in glass bottles. We ate Clover Club potato chips with Nalley’s dill pickle dip. I had a one-person blow-up raft I lazily paddled across the Rez. I had a goal of crossing over and around the bend to the Sherwood Shores side of the Rez in my little raft, but I never did for some reason. I’m not crying about it, or anything. It was never a Bucket List kind of goal.

The wind at the Rez—as in Millard County, in general—seemed to breeze up almost every day around 5pm, if it hadn’t already been stirring sand up earlier. When the Rez began to get choppy, it was time to get home for a quick supper. I was always eating summer dinner in a perpetual hurry. I had places to be. I had to head uptown on my bike to Delta’s outdoor swimming pool for the evening swim session—to splash in yet another local body of water, and to walk-don’t-run-by-the-pool under what was left of the sunlight on perfect summer days. Even as a child, deep in my skin, I could feel the burn of vintage moments passing.

Holiday Tie Tally: 60 Neckties. 10 Bow Ties.

#amaskadaykeepsthecovidaway #wearthedangmask

That’s a yellow bow on my hat. There’s one on the other side of my hat too.
That’s not my cool, bigly beach towel, of which I wrote. It’s somewhere around there though, I promise.
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Penguins, And Cookies, And Bears! Oh, My!

Our 5 Ties o’ the Day give us—from left to right—penguins with long stocking caps, used as scarves; polar bears with Santa hats or blue scarves; polar bears carrying snowboards that say, “CHILL OUT”; red-scarved polar bears and wrapped gifts; and Christmas cookies.

I don’t have any stories to tell about penguins. They’re “cute.” You know how I hate to describe something with that over-used word, but penguins are, in fact, cute.

As far as bears go, I can tell you that Dad killed a bear in Alaska in 1974, but it wasn’t a polar bear. He had it taxidermied into the proverbial bearskin rug, and it was sometimes laid out on top of Mom and Dad’s bed as a fancy bedspread. I slept on it in the living room, in front of our fireplace when I was in 5th Grade. It had snowed in late May, and the power went out in all of Delta for a couple of days. We had to go to school on a Saturday that year to make up for the snow day. Thus, our school year ended on a weekend that year. Bishop Travis is now the keeper of the bear rug, which means Gracie gets to enjoy the bear spoils of Dad’s Great Alaskan Hunting Adventure. I’m sure Ms. Grace has made a pal out of the handsome bear pelt already, even though its mouth doesn’t look particularly friendly.

The Christmas cookie tie makes me think of Mom’s St. Nick cookies. She had a cookie cutter shaped like Santa’s face, and she made sumptuous sugar cookies with its shape. After the cookies baked, she would coat Santa’s hat, cheeks, and nose with a red food color concoction, then sprinkle sugar over the red parts of the cookie. She used raisins or chocolate chips for Santa’s eyes. She made a white frosting for his beard and his hat’s pom-pom. And then she added a layer of shredded coconut on top of the white frosting to give it a fuzzy, furry texture. She made these cookies by the millions, and there were still never enough. Back in prehistoric times, when I was in elementary school—no matter what teacher I had—the teacher assigned me to bring cookies for the X-mas party. Apparently, the teachers knew of Mom’s tasty Santa creations. Mom had a reputation, if you know what I mean. It was a sad day when the Santa cookie cutter broke after many decades of use. Mom got a new one, but it wasn’t quite the same. And she was getting older. She started to make fewer and fewer Santa cookies each year, until she finally didn’t make any at all. But I can still taste them.

Holiday Tie Tally: 57 Neckties. 9 Bow Ties.

Holiday Face Masks: 3

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And Now We’ll Hear From The “Peanuts” Gallery

Skitter was too tuckered out to fully participate in the takin’ o’ the post photos today, but that didn’t stop me from prodding her to open at least one eye for a quick pic. She ought to know by now that if she’s going to wear a tie in my vicinity, her picture is gonna be taken. It’s one of those facts o’ life you just have to accept in this family. You learn to roll with it.

These Ties/Bow Ties o’ the Day are my reminder that I must gather all of my pathetic Charlie Brown Christmas trees together for a thorough group dusting. It’s almost time to dot the house with the trees in their various sizes and ornament themes. It’s easy-peasy to maintain one theme per tree when you are allowed only one ornament per tree. To be an authentic Chuck Brown tree, everybody knows it can have only one ornament weighing down only one of its branches. 🌲

Holiday Tie Tally, thus far: 47 Neckties. 9 Bow ties. 1 tired Tie o’ the Day for Skitter.

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I Think I Heard Something Pop

I was putting away all the seasonal neckwear I’ve worn and shown y’all so far this week, when I heard an odd sound. It was an apocalyptic body sound, telling me I had probably slipped a disc due to the tremendous tie/bow tie weight I have worn this week. I think I sprained a neck muscle even. Anyhoo… This afternoon I decided it was best for me to lift and wear only one Christmas Tie o’ the Day for this post. I’m sure I’ll be okay. I just need to rest a spell, unadorned around my neck—so I’ll be ready to tie-up bigly again tomorrow.

Two things, folks: First, I didn’t create TIE O’ THE DAY for the purpose of arguing about politics, but this post-election has been so ungainly I plan to put in my 2 cents when I finally condense it into something I hope will make more sense than the post-election itself. Read it at your own peril when I post it. Brace yourself for that. Second, a few longtime readers have asked if I will be kind enough to once again do a running tie count of my Christmas neckwear collection with each post, as I did two years ago when I last wore every festive piece I owned at the time. Yes, I am happy to begin providing that bit of info.

As of this post, here’s the tie tally: 44 Neckties. 7 Bow Ties. If you’re a newbie to TIE O’ THE DAY, please rest assured that I will not run out of holiday neckwear to wear during the whole gleeful season. And also, you get the TIE O’ THE DAY guarantee that you will never see a holiday tie/bow tie worn more than once during the season.

#wearthedangmask #dontstandsoclosetome #wearingamaskismorecomfortablethanwearingabra #iwearmymaskbecauseicareaboutyouandyourfamily #wearingamaskworksbetterthannotwearingamask #wearingamaskmakesitlikeeverydayishalloween #didyoureallyneedapandemictomakeyouremembertowashyourhands

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It’s Cape Weather!

I got my Suzanne-sewn wintry cape out of the closet this morning. It will be my go-to cape through the Thanksgiving/Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa Season. At night, under the lights of the city, it sparkles and shimmers like a fabric gem—no matter which of its sides is showing. The snowy cape is a charming background to this morning’s seven seasonal Ties o’ the Day, with one Bow Tie o’ the Day on top. And thus, in my wintry cape and neckwear, I shall now harness Skitter for our walk to the mailboxes. What would our neighbors do without our daily spectacle?

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Felines And Canines, All Tied Up

When it’s raining, Suzanne and I don’t say, “It’s raining cats and dogs out there.” We usually declare it to be raining “bow ties and fabric.” Those worldly possessions are our True North directions. Even when we’re on vacation, if I get separated from Suzanne, I know to seek out the nearest fabric store. She will surely be there. When she sees me come through the fabric store door, she asks me what I think about each and every piece of fabric she’s dragging around the place. My answer is always the same, if not in the same words, “As long as it’s not hideous, it’s fine with me.” And when Suzanne loses me, she locates the nearest rack o’ bow ties—and there I am. She’ll ask if I found any bow ties for her to buy me. She is no fool. She knows better than to try to pick out a bow tie for me on her own. She might live in the same house as the Tie Room, but she can’t keep track of the neckwear inventory I already have. She generously buys and gives me neckwear on occasion, but only after I have picked it out.

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It’s Like Wearing A Vest Made O’ Ties

Bow Tie o’ the Day has some fancy gold shimmer going on, as does the holly Tie o’ the Day. Other than that, we have some snowmen, some Santa’s, and some festively dressed Scottie dogs adorning our Ties o’ the Day. Lastly, our centerpiece Tie o’ the Day is a rendition of what might be happening this very second up at the North Pole: reindeer auditions. The tie’s falling, failing reindeer looks like it could be our very own Skitter. However, I know for a fact Skitter’s not out of town, trying out for anything. Why? She just received a bigly package of X-mas ties for herself to wear during the upcoming holidays, and she has an unusually close relationship with her ties—much like I do. We don’t just up and leave our neckwear to fend for itself on a seasonal whim. I have the heavily populated Tie Room to oversee, and Skitter has the Tie Crate to care for. Yes, one of her crates is dedicated to her ties and bow ties. I’m so proud of her. She’s a chip off the old neckwear knot.