Category: Ties

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Just Can’t Wait For Tomorrow’s Feast

My holiday Tie o’ the Day displays green forks galore. When I bought it, I immediately designated it to be a Thanksgiving celebration tie. I think I really do eat more on T-giving than any other day of the year. For the last couple of years, we have gotten farctated (look it up) at Bambara’s T-giving brunch in SLC, but we’re forgoing that this year—due to everybody’s lurking pandemic, COVID-19. Instead, I’m cooking a surprise dinner for me and Suzanne. I already alerted her that I’m cooking the meal. The surprise part of dinner will be what I’m cooking. She knows me, so she knows I will likely cook up a non-traditional menu sprinkled with metaphors. Skitter might get steak. And after we are stuffed beyond our gills tomorrow, we will be doing a Zoom get-together with all the families in Suzanne’s family.

I had a swell pre-Thanksgiving talk with Mom on the phone today, and I told her I was especially thankful to her for putting up with me for nearly six decades now. She told me she was the real pain everyone has to put up with, but she also said she is thankful she is not in pain. “I’m not in pain, but I am a pain,” is exactly what she said. I told her I will miss her Thanksgiving spread, but mostly I will miss her dashing in and out of her kitchen to make sure everyone got enough of each dish, while we all tell her to sit down and eat. I will forever miss Dad saying the same thing to Mom almost every year, as he looked out over the entire family, “Helen, did we create this herd?” Yes, Dad, you fell in love with each other, and the begatting began.

Holiday Tie Tally: 74 Neckties. 15 Bow Ties.

Skitter’s Holiday Tie Tally: 8 Neckties.

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WTFudge?! Again.

[This is the 3rd year for this repeat post. I just want y’all to know that this box still hasn’t been moved or opened. Suzanne—hint, hint.]

Bow Tie o’ the Day and Ties o’ the Day were out in the garage with me this afternoon, helping me search for a certain piece of Christmas decor I can’t locate. Suzanne and I recently got some heavy-duty shelving—which Suzanne assembled—to finally organize the garage, which has been a dizzyingly complicated maze ever since we moved the contents of the Delta house to our place here in Centerville. Suzanne did a dandy job of clearing the garage floor of storage bins and boxes. Brownie points to Suzanne!

If Suzanne hadn’t fit everything neatly on the shelves, I would have known exactly where to find the item I’m looking for. I know all the maps of disorganization that surround me. It’s the cleaned up, neatness I can’t wade through. In our house, there has always been an understanding that if you can’t find something, you ask me. I know where everything is—except, apparently, the one Christmas decoration I’m seeking.

Anyhoo… As I was ferreting around through storage bins in the garage, what to my wondering eyes did appear?! Not what I was tracking down, that’s for sure. But I did see the box that lurks behind me in the photo. Suzanne had so eloquently labeled it with her fluorescent green Sharpie. Even my holiday neckwear was amused at what she wrote.

Suzanne is the most even-tempered person I know, so this piece of exclamatory labeling is certainly a cry for help. I can imagine the face she wore as she wrote the words. It is Suzanne’s “I-can’t-believe-we-still-have-this-box-of-crap-and-I-haven’t-sorted-it-out-yet-although-we-must-not-need-it-cuz-we-haven’t-used-any-of-whatever-it-is-in-years-but-I-don’t-dare-throw-it-away-and-I-don’t-trust-Helen-to-cull-it-correctly-so-I-won’t-let-her-decide-the-fate-of-each-item-but-I-don’t-know-when-I’ll-ever-have-time-to-go-through-the-box-so-I’ll-express-my-frustration-by-writing-this-snitty-label-on-the-side-of-the-box-and-I’ll-put-the-task-on-my-chore-list-which-I’ll-promptly-lose-and-then-I’ll-forget-this-box-of-Christmas-shit-even-exists-until-I-try-to-find-something-in-the-garage-and-I-run-across-this-box-once-again” face.

Yup, that Suzanne face.

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Speaking Of This Morning’s Gingerbread Cookie Post…

Check out my new t-shirt. In case you haven’t already guessed, the cookie’s own Bow Tie o’ the Day was the ultimate selling point. (No, I won’t be counting it in my Holiday Tie Tally though.) I’m being matchy with my own gingerbread man Bow Tie o’ the Day.

Although Mom’s excellent goodies were wide-ranging, I don’t recall Mom ever making gingerbread cookies when I was a kid. I don’t recall ever in my life making a gingerbread house of any kind. And I must admit that on the few occasions when I have sampled gingerbread cookies made by other people, I have not found them to be yummy. Smell tasty? Yes. Look cute? Sometimes. Scrumptious? Never. When I was in my late teens, Mom did start to make a triumphant, chewy gingersnap cookie rolled in sugar. Her gingersnaps did not taste anything like what I have known as gingerbread, thank the heavens.

When I was in Graduate School at the University of Utah in the late-80’s, a box full of Mom’s homemade cookies would occasionally show up in my mailbox. Mom always sent far more cookies than I could safely consume on my own, so I often took them to share with my classes. Once, I took a box of Mom’s homemade gingersnaps to a poetry workshop to share with my colleagues and my professor. After the initial ravenous chewing had calmed down in the classroom, one colleague said to me, “Your mother must really love you.” And another swiftly chimed in, “I wish my mother loved me as much as your mom loves you.” It was meant to be funny, I know, and it was. But I had also already begun to recognize that not all parents actively do things to demonstrate their love for their kids as freely as mine always did. I knew my parents thought of me, always—even when I lived 2,000 miles away from their house in Delta, Utah.

I was born into a tribe of huggers and kissers. And in our family, the three magic words of “I love you” were (and still are) spoken regularly among my parents and siblings, as easily as breathing. As I grew up and ventured hither and yon into the bigly world, I very quickly realized what a rare blessing that kind of familial affection and stability truly is. For being born into this solid gift, I give my thanks.

#givethanks #loveyourneighbor #yourfamilywasandisyourfirstneighbor #imisshuggingmymom #ithasbeeneightmonthssinceihavebeenabletokissmymotherandimnothappyaboutit #wearthedangmask

HolidayTie Tally: 73 Neckties. 15 Bow Ties.

Skitter’s Holiday Tie Tally: 7 Neckties.

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Penguins Are Always Dressed For Formal Events

After I graduated from Weber State in 1984, I moved to Salt Lake City, and I bought myself a white tuxedo jacket for $5 from Deseret Industries in Sugarhouse. The tux jacket went with me when I moved to Virginia, but I have no idea where it finally ended up. I no longer own a tux jacket, but I do have this near-tux, midnight blue formal jacket. I felt it was only right to wear it in this photo, while wearing the dapper penguin Ties/Bow Tie o’ the Day. How nifty would it be, if—like the penguins—our human “birthday suits” looked like tuxes? It would certainly make my constant bow tie habit make more sense to us all. Those penguins are lucky in the fashion department, I tell ya. They’re dressed to party—at the drop of a top-hat. Ooooh, I should get a top-hat next. Ooooh, and maybe some tap shoes.

Holiday Tie Tally: 70 Neckties. 14 Bow Ties.

Skitter’s Holiday Tie Tally: 3 Neckties.

A close-up of my Bow Tie o’ the Day. Check out the penguins wearing antlers.
Skitter looks fetching in her polar bears Tie o’ the Day.
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I Should Have Made A Snowman Note To Myself

Snowman Ties o’ the Day are showing up due to an off-kilter dream I had last night which was full of snow people terrorizing the neighborhood. When I managed to wake myself from my dream, all I could think about was how memorable the post I would write about all the details of my dream would be to y’all. And then I went back to sleep, pleased with myself. When I woke up this morning, however, I couldn’t remember anything about my dream except that it was full of snowmen who were bent on scaring my neighborhood. I couldn’t remember any interesting specifics. Sorry. I’ll make detailed notes in the middle of the night, next time I have a post-worthy dream.

Holiday Tie Tally: 67 Neckties. 13 Bow Ties.

Holiday Face Mask Tally: 4

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Me And My Santa Beard Mask

This Tie o’ the Day is titled by its seller, “Feliz Navidog.” The dog’s snowflake sweater reminds me of a trio of winter outfits Suzanne created many years ago for the three mutts we lived with at that time. She cut the sleeves off an old sweatshirt. She cut 4 leg holes in each of the sleeves, and also in the body of the sweatshirt. She did some clean-up sewing on the dogs’ new attire. Voila! Araby, our yellow lab, wore the body of the sweatshirt. Vinnie and Roxy, our mini-dachshunds, each wore a sleeve. They were warm and stylin’ in the snowy outdoors of Delta, while wearing their Suzanne-made doggie sweatshirts. I, on the other hand, was chilly and missing a sweatshirt.

Holiday Tie Tally: 64 Neckties. 12 Bow Ties.

Skitter’s Holiday Tie Tally: 2 Neckties.

Holiday Face Mask Tally: 3.

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Holy Sweet Christmas Neckwear!

Candy cane Ties/Bow Ties o’ the Day add their coolness to the flip-side of my wintry cape from last week. This glittery winter wonderland scene is amazingly warm when I’m outside in the b-r-r-r-r-. I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before, but the thing I like most about wearing a cape in the winter is that it feels like I’m wearing a blanket wherever I go. And who wouldn’t want to stay wrapped in their blanket all day, when it’s cold and people-y outside?

Holiday Tie Tally: 63 Neckties. 12 Bow Ties.