I don’t know if the dude on my ugly sweater is supposed to be Santa, an elf, or a gnome. It looks most like a gnome to me. It’s probably a gnome-elf. Gnomes celebrate Christmas too, I’m sure. Ugly sweaters Bow Tie o’ the Day pairs nicely with ugly sweaters Tie o’ the Day. This is not the ugliest Christmas sweater I’ve ever owned, but I readily admit it ain’t purty. I think I’m dressed perfectly for putting together an ugly sweaters puzzle with Suzanne. Puzzling has been the highlight of this under-adventurous pandemic weekend. Always dress the part, I say, even if there’s not a crowd there to see how garishly cool you look.🎄
I decided to honor Dad—master hunter o’ all critters—by displaying six of my reindeer Christmas Ties o’ the Day, but I chose to actually wear the tie showing Santa and a reindeer fishing for Santa-hatted green fish. I got to go deer hunting with Dad on opening day long before I was old enough to do the required trekking. For the first few years I accompanied him and my brothers on opening day, I tuckered out early and ended up riding on Dad’s shoulders for most of the day’s hunt. I can still see the view of various mountain ranges from atop Dad’s shoulders, and I distinctly recall once laying my head on his head and falling asleep on his shoulders while he walked to find a deer he had shot.
As for fishing with Dad, I have vivid memories of packing up the camper he built himself to house us on camping trips. I recall driving with Dad and his dad, Popo, to lakes to fish, always intending to stay overnight. I recall that I always asked Dad or Popo to put the worm on my hook. I recall catching the fish, cooking the fish, and eating the fish that we cooked over the campfire. But I do not recall ever leaving a lake or driving home after a fishing adventure. Magically, I always fell asleep in the camper at the end of a day o’ fishing, and opened the camper door the next morning to find the camper was parked on our own front lawn, right outside the picture window. I recall always fussing at Dad at the breakfast table for not letting us stay overnight at the lake. Dad had to be away so often to work his bees that he really, really, really liked to sleep in his own bed whenever he could. He always said he couldn’t sleep well without his personal mattress and his personal pillow. Honestly, I think it was Mom he couldn’t sleep well without. Miss you, Dad.
Five miscellaneous Ties o’ the Day, united by Christmas: A Santa-hatted dog adorned in holiday lights; gift-filled stockings; a Santa-hatted sock monkey bearing presents and candy canes; a bell-ringing Santa and bow-tied wreaths; and Santa playing a game of football against a team of penguins, with a reindeer as the referee. What a grouping!
According to the bins full o’ holiday neckwear I still haven’t shown you this season, I’ve gotta step it up if I’m going to reach my goal of displaying them all by the end of the year. Get ready for my daily numbers to skyrocket. I am determined to show y’all every piece in my entire Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/New Year’s neckwear collection during this 2020 season. And then I vow to never try to wear them all again. I’m having a blast, but it takes a ton o’ time to keep track of what’s been worn and what hasn’t. I feel like I’m juggling about 400 holiday season ties and bow ties all at once—because that’s exactly what I am doing.
[Enjoy this repeat of a “Christmas balls” post from 2017.]
Tie o’ the Day is covered in holiday greenery and classic ornaments: Christmas tree balls. I love these classic ornaments most of all. I mean—I like balls, in general. Sports balls, of course. And there’s Cinderella’s ball. And cotton balls. And cheese balls. And disco balls. When Mom reigned over the porch at my Delta house, her favorite balls belonged to our mini-dachsie, Vincent D’OGnofrio (R.I.P., Vin!). They amused her to no end. Whenever Vinnie sped across the lawn, she’d say, “His balls are so cute!” I should have painted them red and green one year for her for Christmas.
This post is sponsored by the colors red and green, and by the word “oh.” I wore this holiday Face Mask o’ the Day a few days ago, and I counted it in my Holiday Face Mask Tally. I decided I could count it as a different mask if I wore it upside-down—making the “HO”‘s into “OH”‘s. And who among us doesn’t say, “OH, OH, OH” here, there, and everywhere throughout the Christmas season? I say “OH” a lot during the jolly season—especially when I see nighttime light displays of exceptional beauty and/or masterful gaudiness.
Just Skitter this morning, adding to her Holiday Tie Tally with her upside-down penguin Tie o’ the Day. So far this season, she’s worn a total of 12 different festive neckties. I am wearing no ties this morning because I’m going back to bed. I had a restless night, for no reason whatsoever. Must catch up on my beauty sleep.
I’m wearing my banned book Face Mask o’ the Day, and Bow Tie o’ the Day is an homage to A CHRISTMAS STORY—with its bb guns and “You’ll shoot your eye out!” targets. I chose Bow Tie so it would resonate with the reindeer on our four Ties o’ the Day. You know, we do live in the Kingdom o’ Many Deer Hunts here in Utah. My sincere tip to Santa’s reindeer is for them to visit Temple Square to see the Christmas lights at their own peril.
A bigly holiday tie trend, according to these particular ties, seems to be fabric print designs of antler-decorated reindeer. Three of these ties show strings of Christmas lights as the proper primary antler decor. The fourth shows the deer’s antlers be-decked in Christmas tree balls. That reminds me—I haven’t yet written my annual X-mas BALLS post. As always, I will try very hard to keep it clean.
Check out my flannel Face Mask o’ the Day. It is toasty. Bow Ties o’ the Day are decked in Christmas trees and Christmas icons. Ties o’ the Day present holiday characters taking selfies. Here’s my advice for anyone who takes a lot of selfies (myself included): Never let your selfie-taking get in the way of you actually experiencing your adventures. If taking the selfie gets to be more important to you than being a participant in the moment you are experiencing, you are not even living a life. Step back, and just notice your surroundings. Look at the people who are around you. Put down the phone, and step into the frame of your own existence. Somebody else will take a picture—or maybe they won’t. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if you have photographic proof. You’re alive. Act like it.
Bow Tie o’ the Day is a jolly red and green plaid diamond point. Meanwhile, back at the Tie Ranch in the Tie Room, I found these four Ties o’ the Day to represent four things I want for Christmas, but I know I have zero chance of receiving. First, I know I’m not getting a trip to anywhere with palm trees for X-mas this year. I won’t be wearing any of my Hawaiian shirts. I will have to content myself with mere memories of my feet in sand and surf from vacations o’ the past. Maybe next year.
I also will not be attending any bigly parties where the guests are plenty and the music is louder than any ear should be subject to hearing. Maybe in a few months.
Also, the cats-in-Santa-hats Tie reminds Skitter and me that we aren’t going to receive a kitty—ever. Suzanne has let us know that she is forever done with litter boxes and dustings of cat fur in the house. Suzanne can barely deal with evidence a dog lives with us. When we had three dogs at one time, years ago, I thought Suzanne would have to go into therapy in order to deal with her dogs-in-the-house problem. Fortunately, she survived that herd. She knows I will probably always have a dog around, but one dog is about as far as Suzanne can bend without her skull imploding. She liked having cats until 15 years ago, when she suddenly didn’t like it anymore. She’s now declared herself to be done with felines for the rest of her life, which means I have to be done forever with felines in the house too—which means Skitter will never know the wondrous irritations and annoyances of having a kitty sibling.
Lastly, motorcycle Tie reminds me I will not be receiving a motorcycle for Christmas. Suzanne is adamant that I am not to be riding such a machine. She didn’t mind that I had a motorcycle in the 80’s when we met, but as we get older, she is more and more concerned that I don’t take risks I don’t have to. She is petrified that I might die before she does, so I try to be safe. Maybe I won’t buy her a material object for Christmas. I’ll just tell her I’m giving her the gift of not pestering her for a motorcycle anymore.
I meant to post on Thanksgiving Day, but the fooding surprise strategy I chose was biglier than I originally planned. Even though I was feeding only myself and Suzanne for the feast, I had decided to make T-giving dinner last the whole day. Every few hours, I made and served one component of the meal. Our first menu item was—of course—Mom’s famous cheese bread, which we ate with greasy paws until all that was left of it was the foil upon which it had been baked. About three hours later, I waddled over to the crockpot to dish up the T-giving bird, which was not turkey. Instead of roasting the traditional fowl, I marinated and slow-cooked each of us a Cornish game hen. The hens certainly look like Munchkin turkeys. They are so tiny that it takes a long time to eat the meat off the teensy bones. But the birds were yummy. And do you know what? They tasted like chicken! Even Skitter said so.
A couple of hours later, it was time to pillage some stuffing. And in a few hours more, it was time for candied yams. Soon, it was 7:00 PM—time for the Zoom gathering with all the families in Suzanne’s family. It was fab to see everyone, and I thought it was a fun way to handle our little Thanksgiving-during-a-pandemic. I hope we only have to do it once, though. (A friend’s father died from COVID-19 the day before Thanksgiving, which reinforced our decision to stay home and not get together with our loved ones in person. Too many people close to us here have the virus and are so sick right now. #wearthedangmask)
I planned to cook more dishes Thursday evening, but we were too full, so I pledged to cook the rest of our T-giving meal components on Friday, which I did. We began Friday by finishing the stuffing and yam leftovers. We began anew later, with some salty turkey bacon. After a few hours, I broke out a round of pickled beets. And later still, I served up tater tots in lieu of traditional mashed potatoes. We crowned our all-day Friday Thanksgiving dinner with a pumpkin pie stand-in of Pumpkin Spice Cheesecake flavor Red Button ice cream, as well as Red Button’s Cranberry White Chocolate flavor ice cream. No, I did not make green jello or funeral potatoes. Seriously, I don’t know how I ever thought I could cram the cornucopia o’ meal courses into just one official Thanksgiving day.
We still haven’t been hungry enough to open the cranberry sauce yet. We’ll get to that soon, I’m sure, cuz it just ain’t the feast holidays until you hear the suck of the jellied cranberry blob being expelled from the can.
