Witty & Wise Ties, Trivia & Lies
Admit it. It’s happened to you too. Sometimes you just roll out of bed looking like this, and you and your Ties o’ the Day have no earthly idea what you did last night. My advice is to just start apologizing to anyone and everyone who might have been a witness, right from the get-go.
Dad went to the bigly coyote hunt in the sky on December 4, 2007. We laid him deep in his Delta dirt four days later, on December 8. And a week after that, on the evening of December 15, a bunch of our family donned our pajamas for a ride on the Polar Express, in Heber. My oldest sister, Betty (Mercedes, to me), and her eternal hubby, Kent, had planned the family Polar Express ride long before Dad’s death. It was to be a humongous family celebration of their 40th wedding anniversary. And so it was. Our grieving family was very much in need of something to celebrate. Train Bow Tie o’ the Day honors that healing outing.
This is one of the dearest photos I snapped on our Polar Express adventure. In the photo, Betty is clearly listening to Mom’s deep sorrow about Dad’s passing. Mom was now alone in a way not even a large, loud family could completely fill. Betty comforted Mom. And I have no doubt Mom comforted Betty. Grief is an awkward, homely thing. But it provides an opportunity for us to create beautiful responses to those who ache. In this way, sorrow can be transformed into beauty. I see such beauty here.
It happened: Suzanne left me. And I’m buying alcohol. It’s all true. But it’s only true in the sense that Suzanne left me to spend the weekend in Mesquite with her Champagne Garden Club Girls, for their annual Christmas bash. Spouses were invited, but my stoopid bipolar brain needed a quiet weekend at home. Sometimes it’s too people-y out in the world— even when they’re my fave people. Suzanne will be back home tomorrow.
And it’s also true I’m buying alcohol, but I have not tumbled off the proverbial wagon. I’m stocking up for Suzanne. I noticed her wine stash is depleted, and replenishing the wine inventory is part of my housewifery jobs. She’s not a bigly drinker, so I only have to make a liquor store run 3-4 times a year. I figured I should stock up ASAP since it’s so close to Christmas, which means exponentially growing herds, gaggles, bands, covens, and crowds at the liquor store with each passing day. I can now cross the “intoxicating spirits” errand off my list until probably February.
The photos show— among other things— how the weather changed on me while I was in the liquor store. It wasn’t snowing when I arrived, but it was dropping snow pellets on me and pine-cone-and-holly Bow Tie o’ the Day a few minutes later when I got back into Vonnegut Grace Vibe. The snow “storm” lasted exactly 45 seconds and caused 1 wreck in the parking lot. This is Utah, people! Snow happens. It is not a sign of the apocalypse. Just slow down. Pay attention. Panic is not required.
In the liquor store, I also snapped pix of some amusing beverages I ran across but had no reason to buy. We here at TIE O’ THE DAY thought you’d be amused too.
It’s that time of year when I grow out my Christmas beard. In my opinion, my beard is coming along dandily. Unfortunately, snowman Bow Tie o’ the Day is lost ‘neath my face’s plastic, furry locks. I don’t want to have to lift my beard for every person I see in order to show off a bow tie, so from now on I’ll be a strictly necktie person whenever I am with beard.
I don’t know if my beard makes me look like Santa, an elf, a gnome, or my dad. But I’m groovy with any and/or all of the above.
You might remember that last year some anonymous soul sent me a couple of pairs of tuxedo/bow tie-themed novelty underwear. Well, that twisted soul is apparently at it again, since this Rudolph the Reindeer thong showed up in my mailbox. Unfortunately, this funny underwear was not outfitted with a tie, as last year’s gifts were. A tie is kinda the point, you know. To ready the thong for a TIE O’ THE DAY appearance, I had to choose a tie myself. Of course, the Christmas balls, er, ornaments Tie o’ the Day was the only correct choice.
When I chose a CHRISTMAS VACATION Tie o’ the Day this afternoon, I had no idea how appropriate my choice would end up being. You see, my “sleigh”— Vonnegut Grace Vibe— needed a basic physical, to make sure it’s all set for dashing through the winter snow. And yes, I had a thrifty coupon for just such a physical, at a shop in Bountiful.
I take outstanding care of Vonnegut Grace Vibe. She was born in 2007, and I’m not ready to give her up yet. She’s never given me a problem, and she still gets 34 mpg. I named Vonnegut Grace in honor of Kurt Vonnegut and Grace Paley, two influential writers who both died in 2007. I love her.
Anyhoo… I guess Vonnegut Grace is starting to show her internal age. I dropped her off at the garage for her check-up, and I got two troublesome phone calls from the mechanic soon after my ride dropped me off at home. Even accounting for the thrifty coupon, Vonnegut Grace’s bill for her appointment was a shocker. For the past few hours, I have been stuck in the exact same pose as Clark Griswold on Tie. And you know darn well such a look on me is scaring the heck-a-rama out of the always-vibrating Skitter.
All the red-and-white, including candy cane Bow Tie o’ the Day, is telling me something. I’m not sure, but I think I’m feeling it’s time to make a drive to Delta to see my fave Delta Rabbit— Mom. That is always on my to-do list, as is “eat ice cream.”
The ice cream recommendations you saw here on this morning’s post seemed to hit their marks. I saw the comments. I heard the chatter. I fully expect some of you will be making an extra trip to the grocery store. Here’s Red Button Eggnog flavor to write on your list.
While you’re at the store in the ice cream section, I will be spending some time going through the pantry to make some space for actual pantry-type items. It was the ice cream containers I used for photos this morning which set me on this task. I’m sure you can’t imagine me doing it, but I save all sorts of “props” for possible TIE O’ THE DAY photos. I had saved a dozen or so empty ice cream containers of flavors I might want to recommend. I try to keep my “props” in The Tie Room, but the room— like June, in the song— is bustin’ out all over. Thus, about a dozen empty ice cream containers have been piling up for months in the pantry. My Big Gulp, 100-oz mini-kegs are in there too. There’s a fire extinguisher; 2 full bottles of generic NyQuil, which expired in 2014; 6 never-opened phone books, sent to our front door from all over the entire Wasatch Front; my personal drinking glasses; and Mom’s red-and-white apron she wore when she was a cook at Delta High School in the late 60’s.
Cases of Suzanne’s store-bought special water fill most of the pantry shelves. It’s not “special water” like the vodka you used to try to sneak into concerts and football games. No, it’s just the only kind of flavored, bottled water Suzanne will drink. And she truly loves her special water.
If I really crane my neck to look in the back corner on the pantry floor, I can see a can of Green Giant green beans. Its label has come unglued with expiration and it hangs, curled, partly off to the side of the can. I suppose 1 can is adequate proof there could have been a whole food pyramid of edibles in here at one point. I don’t remember that far back.
BTW Before you even ask: Yes, I will write a post about why my drinking glasses live in the pantry and not in the kitchen cupboards with all the other drinking glasses. Oh yes, there is a bigly story about that, and Suzanne won’t be happy I tell it. 🙀😱
After Suzanne went off whistling to work this morning, I dished out ice cream for breakfast. Holiday Tie o’ the Day is a bigly clue as to who helped me eat it. Skitter didn’t want to be in the actual photo, so Suzanne will never be able to stumble onto any visual proof she ate ice cream with me. We really can do whatever we want when Suzanne’s at work, as long as she doesn’t find out. Suzanne is kind of our year-round version of Elf on a Shelf. We are very, very, very good when she’s got her eye on us. My fear is that she will ask for indoor security cameras for X-mas, so she can keep track of me and Skitter from her work computer until she retires.
The first Christmas decor I dust off is usually the crop of Charlie Brown trees in the garage, but I thought I’d change it up this year and lead off with the leg lamps. Leg lamp Tie o’ the Day feels proud to be helping with December’s first X-mas decor duties.
The leg lamps gave Mom such a thrill during the holidays that one season I decided to leave them in the living room of my Delta house all year long. She commented on them and laughed about them every time she wandered over, which was daily. She also touched their stockings a bit too much. And she loves the shoes. I love her.
I get a kick out of my 3-D turkey tie. It is bulky, however, which makes it tough to eat safely and cleanly while wearing it, so I chose a pumpkin Bow Tie o’ the Day to wear for our Thanksfeasting. Last year, we tried BAMBARA’s T-giving buffet feast and it was a hit with our palates and tummies, so we made reservations for this year. It might become a tradition.
Suzanne’s parents’ plans to go out of town for Thanksgiving eats got doomed by weather at the last minute, so I called BAMBARA to see if they could fit two more people into our reservation. Fortunately, they were able to juggle things around and found the space for two more feasters. We picked up Suzanne’s parents and drove through the snow to BAMBARA, in SLC, to eat as much as our little bellies desired. As far as I’m concerned, the highlight of the entire spread was the Bacon & Blue Cheese Potato Squash Gratin. Fanciest. Scalloped. Potatoes. Ever.
BTW The cape I’m wearing in some of these post photos is the latest cape creation by Suzanne. Ain’t it cool beyond groovy?!