Category: Family

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But They Still Work: PART TWO

Converse-style shoes Bow Tie o’ the Day is here with me as I make my confession. These were Mom’s reading glasses about a decade ago, and they and the CHRONICLE made me into a thief. I literally stole them from Mom. I didn’t steal them because I needed them. I stole them because she needed to NOT own them anymore.

Mom and I were drinkin’ on my Delta porch, and you know how that gets raucous. A little caffeine in our systems, and we are out of control with the laughter. Suddenly, Mom squealed, “It’s CHRONICLE day!” That was my cue to head to Jubilee to retrieve a copy of that weekly treasure. When I got back to the porch, I handed the paper to Mom. She immediately reached into her duster pocket, where– amid the tissues, rollers, and Tums– she found her reading glasses. To be more precise, she found these wounded, glasses-like spectacles. One lens missing, one arm missing. The remaining lens was as smudged as could be. I was upset at the sight of them, and I demanded Mom ride uptown with me to pick out some new readers for her. She very calmly told me to settle down because “These work just fine.” She opened up the CHRONICLE and started to devour her weekly news feast.

Off, I drove in my red jalopy of a truck. When I returned to the porch, I had two pairs of reading glasses for her. She said, “Oh, thank you. I’m almost done.” And on and on she read without taking the time to switch to the new readers. Finally, she folded up the CHRONICLE, after her first of that week’s many perusals through the issue. She was glad to have the new glasses, but she was unwilling to give up this battered pair. I was unwilling to let her keep them, knowing that if she had them anywhere around her, she would certainly use them if they were handy. Mom deserved better.

So I was bad. Later that day, I stealthily stole these broken glasses from my mother’s duster pocket. It was for her own good though. I thought the glasses had the potential to be downright dangerous to Mom. Of course, I still have the pair, as you can see. Holding onto them helps me feel better about having stolen them from her, because if she really, really, really needed/wanted this exact pair, I could and would certainly give them back to her. She never mentioned this pair of readers ever again. And I did give her two new pairs. But I feel guilty about being a thug. I’m still, technically, a thief. And I still blame the CHRONICLE.

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But They Still Work: PART ONE

I have become like Mom in so many ways, the latest of which is what I shall call The Wearin’ o’ the Broken Glasses. I love this broken pair of glasses. The frames might be missing an arm, but the lenses aren’t completely scratched up. I can still see through them, mostly. Purple and gray Tie o’ the Day laughs at me every time I do something like Mom or Dad– something which I previously laughed at and said out loud to myself, “That’s ridiculous! I will never do that.” Famous last words.

I recall wounded and repaired reading glasses strewn all through my childhood house. From these glasses and the various home repairs that extended their usefulness, I learned a rudimentary lesson or two about engineering and mechanics.

The most common source of reading eyeglass disability seems to be the loss of the sliver-width screw for the hinge connecting the frame and the arms. My parents’ repairs for this problem were practical. Safety pins, paper clips, nails, toothpicks, and bobby pins– these were all used to fill in for the lost invisible screws. I have used some of those items to accomplish the same task myself, but I’ve also used twist ties, duct tape, thread, and Super Glue.

It takes a lot of vital creativity to be too lazy to go to the grocery store to buy a new pair of reading glasses for 12 bucks.

TO BE CONTINUED IN NEXT POST

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Two Arkansas Trip Pix, And Two HIPPA Violations

Our trip to Arkansas was over a month ago, but I noticed I hadn’t yet used these two AR pix on TIE O’ THE DAY. Here they are, kids. Photo #1: Bow Tie o’ the Day is dotted with buttons, in honor of Suzanne’s sewing and crafting abilities. This photo was taken by the “fireplace” in a Fairfield Bay, AR hotel where we found a restaurant fit for a fancy dinner. I quite like these “fireplaces” as decor, but they are not “real” fireplaces in my opinion. They are groovy-looking electric space heaters, set into a wall. Photo #2: I created Bow Tie o’ the Day out of a magnet and our Arkansas rental car key fob. I never once misplaced the key fob that whole day of sightseeing in the Ozarks.

MOM UPDATE: Mom’s doing well. That woman can rally like no other. Two weeks ago we were almost certain she’d be leaving us to go find Dad at any minute, but she showed us she wasn’t ready for that adventure just yet. In fact, the MCR Facebook page shows that Mom has recently been on MCR field trips to Cracker Barrel in Spanish Fork, and to the Oak City Days parade. Yahoo, Big Helen!

SUZANNE UPDATE: We have no definitive answer as to why Suzanne’s leg decided to swell up a few days ago. Swelling happens. Once it was discovered that blood clots were not the issue, we breathed a sigh o’ relief. And the next day, Suzanne’s leg was magically back to its normal size. We’re stumped.

Suzanne and I are both 55. At this age, we’re not old, but we’re “kinda old.” We’re relatively healthy, although we have the aches, pains, and issues that come with being alive for over half a century. Each ache alone is minor, but the list is 55 years’ long. They add up to a lot of creaking and groaning while moving through a day. Those sounds have become the constant soundtrack to my life. I know I’m not alone in that. I know you know what I’m talking about.

Anyhoo…. Suzanne and I check in with each other about our aging health every day by asking the simple question, “How are you doing today?” We have a kind of trick answer we want to hear from each other. We want the answer we hear to be “fine.” But in our code, “fine” doesn’t mean “fine.” “Fine” means this: “The list of my aches and pains is so long that it would take me half the day to name and explain them, and we both have way too much to do today. But there’s nothing new to add to my list since we last went over it, so there’s nothing new for you to worry about today.”

The word “fine” saves so us so much time.

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The Clue Is In The Details

This morning’s TIE O’ THE DAY pic was taken at SLC International Airport in late 1974. Dad had returned from a big-game hunt in Alaska. His hunting adventure was scheduled to keep him occupied for two weeks, but he slayed his caribou, moose, and bear within just a few days. Of course, he came home early. But I think it had less to do with bagging his prey quickly, and more to do with the fact that he missed his pillow and was getting tired of his smelly guides.

And then there was always the Helen Factor calling to him when Dad was on the road. It wasn’t just that he missed Mom. It was the fact that whenever Dad was gone for more than a few days, he would come back to a new home improvement Mom had constructed. When he was out of town, she might have painted, or wallpapered, or worse. One time when he was gone, she tore up their bedroom sub-floor and replaced it by herself, then she had new carpet installed. Seriously, I think Dad thought he should hurry and get his Alaska hunting list taken care of and get back home ASAP, out of fear he wouldn’t recognize the house after Mom had it alone for two entire weeks.

But now you’re trying to figure out what this welcome home photo has to do with me and neckwear. Look closely. Those are my arms around Dad’s neck, and my feet are dangling– like a tie. Obviously, I was impersonating a Tie o’ the Day! And I didn’t even know it at the time.

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3 Miscellaneous Pix

In our first snapshot, the incomparable Grace Anne Blackwelder shows off her precious noggin, bedecked by her Bow Tie o’ the Day. Bishop Travis and Bishopette Collette are obviously teaching Gracie the bow tie way to live. (This pic was taken on her three-month birthday a couple of days ago.)

Next pic. I displayed my disco ball Tie o’ the Day at the grocery store this afternoon as I rolled my shopping cart up and down the aisles. Some of these young shoppers have no idea what a disco ball is/was all about. I gave one uneducated young buck a brief 70’s music history lesson after he asked about Tie. He seemed quite fascinated by the cultural icon known as a disco ball, and he told me he was gonna google “disco” when he gets back to work. His boss will love that, I’m sure.

And finally, this Newchic ad showed up in my email today. You know how I never owned a purse in my life until I bought my Saddle Purse last March? And you know how I vowed that The Saddle Purse will be the only purse I ever own? Well, I saw the bow tie be-decked leather purse in this advertisement, and I was actually tempted to break my own purse vow. But just for a sliver of a second. I got over my brief brush with purse greed. I came to my senses about purse-ness. Although this purse sure enough sports a nifty bow tie, I did make a vow to my Saddle Purse, and to me, that it will be my one and only– forever and always. I chose the right. The purse in the ad is now just a wispy, never-made memory of another purse-y road not taken. I am a one-purse woman.

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Our Fine Young Man Stops By

Rowan found some time to grace us with his presence last evening. He had been to the dentist, where he was admonished to floss more– just like every dentist appointment recommendation he’s received at every dentist appointment he’s ever had. Suzanne and I still believe that one day, it will “click” in Rowan’s head that he should floss more. Anyhoo…Fortunately for us, we live right on Rowan’s route home from our dentist, so we got a surprise visit from our now-grown wee one. He will turn 22 next week. He is not one wee bit wee anymore. But you parents know how that works: It doesn’t matter how old they are, they are forever your babies.

Rowan is always a blast. It is obvious he not only knows how to read, he actually does it. There’s a brain in that thar boy! He’s also got music and art and politics in him. He’s got the proper amount of idealistic naiveté for his age too. The toddler-man’s got plans.

It’s obvious Rowan also has style too. I wrangled up a kids’ Tie o’ the Day for him to wear while I took pix of him, so he could guest-star here. Somehow, he ended up wearing three Ties o’ the Day from my collection. I also found myself giving him the three ties to take home– a sort of TIE O’ THE DAY doggie bag. I never give away my ties! Such is the dynamic power of Rowan’s soul. It was as if he mesmerized me into forking them over. Which I’m sure he did.

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Mom Has Distracted The Neckwear For Days

Please, excuse our recent absences. Sometimes we layabouts actually engage in endeavors which require our single-minded, serious attention. Everything this week has been all about Mom, who suffered a health setback a few days ago. She seems to finally be “getting her rally on,” so we are cautiously contemplating the old dame sticking around for another 88 years. At least. Mom’s tough and spunky, and still loving the party atmosphere at Millard Care and Rehab. But we also know even the toughest Energizer Delta Rabbit Oak City-bred Gal has a finite amount of “rally.” Apparently, Mom’s still got some in her reserve tank. Yahoo! You, go, girl!

When we visited Mom yesterday, Skitter wore her new patriotic Tie o’ the Day. I sported my lavender, floppy Bow Tie o’ the Day. As Skitter and I were winding down our visit with Helen Sr., Gracie waltzed in for her turn to be the center of Mom’s attention. As you can see, Grace Anne wore her own Bow Tie o’ the Day for the occasion.

Gracie happily brought Bishop Travis (in his Tie o’ the Day) and Bishopette Collette all the way from BYU-ville to visit Mom. I thought Gracie’s allowing them to come with her to MCR was an incredibly thoughtful gesture for such a young bambino to display. You know how selfish some babies can be, especially about driving! Clearly, Gracie is not all about Gracie, Gracie, Gracie. See, she’s learned one of Mom’s Top 10 lessons already in her teeny life: Be generous.

BTW When I tried to exit Mom’s room yesterday, Skitter refused to leave her. She was determined to lie on the bed at Mom’s side. At least three times, she fought the leash as I tried to drag her from the bed. I finally had to lift her down to the floor and skedaddle with her. She and Mom are sooooo connected to each other.

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I Abandon Skitter Daily For An Hour Or So

Sticker Bow Ties o’ the Day have noticed I’m in the doghouse, as far as Skitter is concerned. When I don my bike helmet and head for the garage to get my bicycle, Skitter withers into one of her beds. The pout on her face is deafening. She knows I’m going outdoors without her, and she wants me to feel super guilty about leaving her home.

And I do feel guilty about it. She would enjoy a bike ride, I’m sure. But her legs wouldn’t be able to keep up with me if she tried to run at my side. She can’t yet ride a bike herself, and she hates to ride on the handlebars of mine. She’s too tall to fit in a bike basket. I thought of attaching a toddler trailer to my bike, but it would freak out The Skit to not be able to see my reassuring face every other second.

I mean– I know the solution. But I haven’t yet been able to actually locate or create the solution. What’s the solution? Skitter needs a sidecar attached to my bicycle. Heck, I could add a second sidecar to the other side of my bike for Mom. Oh, they’d both be in heaven. I wonder if Suzanne knows how to crochet bicycle sidecars.

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A Nostalgic Moment

Dad’s carrying Tie o’ the Day this morning. I’ve posted this photo before, I’m sure. And I’m sure it had a sermon or a true tall tale of a story with it. I’m just giving y’all the photo today. I simply feel like I want to be six-months-old again for a few minutes– sitting on my mother’s lap, with my dad rockin’ a skinny tie right beside us.

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Grace Anne Update!

Remember picture day in elementary school? What I most remember about it is that girls came to school with their hair all done up in ways they never wore their hair before or after that day. Their hair did not resemble their “true hair.” Fortunately (or unfortunately) for me, I had basically the same short, straight-bang haircut until I was 11, and nothing could be “done up” with that. My hairs always looked exactly like themselves, even on Picture Day.

Grace’s current hairdo is similar to my kidhood cut. Minions Bow Tie o’ the Day declares Little Miss Gracie-thang was in fine form yesterday when I and my SWWTRN mauled and squeezed her to bits before and during church at Bishop Travis’ Provo ward.

One of Bishopette Collette’s sisters and her husband visited Gracie’s ward yesterday as well. Bishopette Collette sat between both sides of the family, so she could fairly referee Gracie’s time spent with each of us. We all seem to be pretty good Sharers o’ the Grace– at least while Bishopette Collette is looking, and we’re sitting on a pew in Sacrament Meeting. Sharing is good, boys and girls. Choose The Share! (Seriously, Collette’s family is amazing, and I wish I knew them better than I do.)