Christmas tree balls and nutcrackers. No need for my commentary. The jokes just write themselves in your head.
Holiday Tie Tally: 52 Neckties. 9 Bow Ties.
Holiday Face Mask Tally: 2
A Tad Risque, But Not Really
A Holiday Season Crisis
Rudolph, Frosty, Santa, or an elf. Apparently, I’m in the throes of a Christmas identity crisis. Character confusion—TIE O’ THE DAY knows it occasionally happens to all of us. This, too, shall pass.
Holiday Tie Tally: 50 Neckties. 9 Bow Ties.
And Now We’ll Hear From The “Peanuts” Gallery
Skitter was too tuckered out to fully participate in the takin’ o’ the post photos today, but that didn’t stop me from prodding her to open at least one eye for a quick pic. She ought to know by now that if she’s going to wear a tie in my vicinity, her picture is gonna be taken. It’s one of those facts o’ life you just have to accept in this family. You learn to roll with it.
These Ties/Bow Ties o’ the Day are my reminder that I must gather all of my pathetic Charlie Brown Christmas trees together for a thorough group dusting. It’s almost time to dot the house with the trees in their various sizes and ornament themes. It’s easy-peasy to maintain one theme per tree when you are allowed only one ornament per tree. To be an authentic Chuck Brown tree, everybody knows it can have only one ornament weighing down only one of its branches. 🌲
Holiday Tie Tally, thus far: 47 Neckties. 9 Bow ties. 1 tired Tie o’ the Day for Skitter.
I Think I Heard Something Pop
I was putting away all the seasonal neckwear I’ve worn and shown y’all so far this week, when I heard an odd sound. It was an apocalyptic body sound, telling me I had probably slipped a disc due to the tremendous tie/bow tie weight I have worn this week. I think I sprained a neck muscle even. Anyhoo… This afternoon I decided it was best for me to lift and wear only one Christmas Tie o’ the Day for this post. I’m sure I’ll be okay. I just need to rest a spell, unadorned around my neck—so I’ll be ready to tie-up bigly again tomorrow.
Two things, folks: First, I didn’t create TIE O’ THE DAY for the purpose of arguing about politics, but this post-election has been so ungainly I plan to put in my 2 cents when I finally condense it into something I hope will make more sense than the post-election itself. Read it at your own peril when I post it. Brace yourself for that. Second, a few longtime readers have asked if I will be kind enough to once again do a running tie count of my Christmas neckwear collection with each post, as I did two years ago when I last wore every festive piece I owned at the time. Yes, I am happy to begin providing that bit of info.
As of this post, here’s the tie tally: 44 Neckties. 7 Bow Ties. If you’re a newbie to TIE O’ THE DAY, please rest assured that I will not run out of holiday neckwear to wear during the whole gleeful season. And also, you get the TIE O’ THE DAY guarantee that you will never see a holiday tie/bow tie worn more than once during the season.
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It’s Cape Weather!
I got my Suzanne-sewn wintry cape out of the closet this morning. It will be my go-to cape through the Thanksgiving/Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa Season. At night, under the lights of the city, it sparkles and shimmers like a fabric gem—no matter which of its sides is showing. The snowy cape is a charming background to this morning’s seven seasonal Ties o’ the Day, with one Bow Tie o’ the Day on top. And thus, in my wintry cape and neckwear, I shall now harness Skitter for our walk to the mailboxes. What would our neighbors do without our daily spectacle?
Felines And Canines, All Tied Up
When it’s raining, Suzanne and I don’t say, “It’s raining cats and dogs out there.” We usually declare it to be raining “bow ties and fabric.” Those worldly possessions are our True North directions. Even when we’re on vacation, if I get separated from Suzanne, I know to seek out the nearest fabric store. She will surely be there. When she sees me come through the fabric store door, she asks me what I think about each and every piece of fabric she’s dragging around the place. My answer is always the same, if not in the same words, “As long as it’s not hideous, it’s fine with me.” And when Suzanne loses me, she locates the nearest rack o’ bow ties—and there I am. She’ll ask if I found any bow ties for her to buy me. She is no fool. She knows better than to try to pick out a bow tie for me on her own. She might live in the same house as the Tie Room, but she can’t keep track of the neckwear inventory I already have. She generously buys and gives me neckwear on occasion, but only after I have picked it out.
A 21-Christmas Tie Salute To Our Vets
It’s Like Wearing A Vest Made O’ Ties
Bow Tie o’ the Day has some fancy gold shimmer going on, as does the holly Tie o’ the Day. Other than that, we have some snowmen, some Santa’s, and some festively dressed Scottie dogs adorning our Ties o’ the Day. Lastly, our centerpiece Tie o’ the Day is a rendition of what might be happening this very second up at the North Pole: reindeer auditions. The tie’s falling, failing reindeer looks like it could be our very own Skitter. However, I know for a fact Skitter’s not out of town, trying out for anything. Why? She just received a bigly package of X-mas ties for herself to wear during the upcoming holidays, and she has an unusually close relationship with her ties—much like I do. We don’t just up and leave our neckwear to fend for itself on a seasonal whim. I have the heavily populated Tie Room to oversee, and Skitter has the Tie Crate to care for. Yes, one of her crates is dedicated to her ties and bow ties. I’m so proud of her. She’s a chip off the old neckwear knot.
The Power Of The Hat
I chose to go with a Santa hat theme this morning, for two Bow Ties o’ the Day and four Ties o’ the Day. One bow tie gives us Jerry Garcia, while the other gives us Billy Bob Thornton as Bad Santa. The green tie displays regular old Santa himself. The blue tie presents whales decked out in their Santa hattery, while the black tie under it showcases Jack Skellington from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Front and center, as Santa-hatted as the rest of our characters, is the infamous emoji poop, offering us all “Warm Wishes.” Ewww. I mean—Season’s Greetings a bit early, y’all!
These Ties Put The “Pomp” In “Pompadour”
Come with me now as I dive into the deep ocean of the holiday season’s neckwear with these 3 jolly kids’ Ties o’ the Day and 1 Christmas emoji Tie o’ the Day. My fave emoji on Tie is the smiling peppermint poop. But I’m sure you already guessed that.
Be-tied by only 4 of the little critters, I’m starting small—patiently working out my tie muscles gradually, so I can get strong enough to do the heavy lifting of the leftover holiday ties at the end of December. I might be my own superhero, but even I have to work my way up to some things. I know better than to wear 15 ties simultaneously right out of the gate and risk tearing my tie tendons right off my bones. Ain’t nobody got time for that! Especially in a pandemic.