Honestly, I am pre-occupied with more than my holiday Ties/Bow Ties o’ the Day today. It’s our 7th legal anniversary tomorrow, and—for the first time—we won’t be going out on the town for a high-falutin’ celebration. It will be a low-falutin’ pandemic anniversary, and I am busy putting together what I hope will be a memorable menu and floorshow for the occasion. Wish me luck, y’all.❣️
Helen’s Holiday Tie Tally: 171 Neckties. 70 Bow Ties.
Here’s one of my two A CHRISTMAS STORY bobblehead figures: The Old Man and his leg lamp “major award.” Tie o’ the Day is all Ralphie in his new pajamas.
It appears to me that Skitter has possibly gotten into some neighbor’s medical marijuana. She’s awfully mellow, and she can’t quite fully open her eyes beyond these slits. She has pot eyes. She is, however, adding three of her four ties to her holiday total. (She wore the white tie last week, so it was counted already.)
Helen’s Holiday Tie Tally: 160 Neckties. 67 Bow Ties.
Our three Ties o’ the Day are here this Sabbath-before-Christmas to remind you to not get lost in all of the seasonal hoopla. Be joyous and have a ball, of course. But don’t forget the real reason for the season.🎄
Naughty/Nice/I Tried Tie o’ the Day and I were up early this morning, writing down my day’s TO-DO list. One item was of particular peculiar interest. A friend of mine has a recipe for fruitcake that requires the cake to be soaked in brandy. She’s getting ready to make the fruitcake, but she is askeered to walk into a liquor store—probably for fear someone will see her there and trash her spotless reputation. I wish I’d known she needed brandy a few days ago when I was at the liquor store picking up Suzanne’s Christmas break libations.
Anyhoo… I volunteered to go fetch the brandy for my pal. With it being less than a week until Christmas, I knew there would be a line at the liquor store. However, I did not know that getting to the store just a couple of minutes after it opened would put me 26th in line. And five minutes later, there were at least that many people behind me in the line. Everyone was masked and cordial. Everyone minded the social distancing rules. It was the longest line I’ve yet been in during this holiday season, but it turned out to also be the speediest line I’ve been in. I watched Judge Judy episodes on my phone while I waited for my turn to enter the store, so I was completely content to wait. My reputation—whatever it is—remains intact.
Here’s the Tie o’ the Day which is hidden from view under the Santa/reindeer/wrapped presents Tie o’ the Day in the first snapshot.
I called Mom this morning to see how she’s doing at MCR. I ascertained from the shortest phone conversation I’ve ever had with her that she is swell and well and dandy. She didn’t have time to talk to her 56-year-old baby because she and the other residents were preparing to watch a movie together. I don’t know any of the specifics—like the title of the movie they would be viewing, or what the care center’s social distancing plan was. I trust MCR to have figured out all of the safety details. All I know is that while conversing ever so briefly with Mom, I could hear joyous chatting voices in the background. Helen Sr. sounded as happy as the proverbial lark. Mom sounded safe and comfortable and excited for her oncoming day. Although I felt kinda cheated out of the conversation we weren’t able to have because she was so busy living her life at 90, I must admit that I was thoroughly pleased with the situation to my core. What more could a 56-year-old baby girl ask for? Mom was comfortable and exuberant, so I guess you can say I already got my Christmas present for this year. If Mom is happy, I seriously do not need one other thing.
Here’s a 1-Bow Tie, 5-Tie o’ the Day salute to my dad’s mom, who we’ve always affectionately referred to as Momo. (The Santa-hatted Scottie dog bow tie is one of my all-time faves.) I have continually been in awe of Momo’s unending crafty creativity. She could make anything out of anything.
Here are what I believe to be her two most famous Christmas tree ornaments: milkweed pod renditions of the Nativity scene. The two white critters at the foot of the three-pod ornament are lambs. I particularly like the golden deer/dog at the bottom of the one-pod ornament. (You should see the dog she included in her diorama version of the Garden of Eden!) I do not know exactly when Momo created these ornaments, but I remember them hanging on her Christmas tree annually, in even my earliest memories—so they are at least 50 years old. They are so fragile that I rarely bring them out for public viewing. I cannot dust them for fear the glue that holds everything in its place will break. Occasionally, I find that a component of an ornament has fallen out of its pod place. I do my best to re-glue it to its authentic spot.
Anyhoo…Last week, Suzanne came home from work and said, “We’re having an office contest for Most Interesting Christmas Tree Ornament on our tree. Can I take those ornaments Momo made?” Momo made many X-mas tree ornaments, but few still exist. Of course, I knew precisely which ornaments she meant, and I knew their whereabouts. Despite the fact that I rarely say NO to Suzanne, I seriously ruminated over her request for hours before coming to a decision. Suzanne was allowed to take them to her office only after I issued a Special Dispensation, and made her sign a lengthy contract in which she promised to guard them with her life, as if she was a member of the Secret Service and they were POTUS. Guess which ornaments won the competition, hands-down? I knew they would be victorious in any ornament contest. Why? Because Momo made them. GAME OVER.
I wore this holiday face mask a few weeks ago, so it has already been counted in my tally. But I can add the electrifying Clark Griswold Tie o’ the Day and the two CHRISTMAS VACATION-themed Bow Ties o’ the Day to my tally. My “ugly Christmas vest” gives me the best of both shirt-worlds: I get to wear an obnoxious Christmas vest which is really just a long-sleeved t-shirt. I can get my gleeful, gaudy fashion out there for all of you to see, while safely wearing a comfortable t-shirt atrocity I personally don’t have to injure my eyes looking at.
CHRISTMAS VACATION is one of my go-to X-mas movies, as it likely is one of your faves. I owned it on VHS. I owned it on DVD. I now own it in my iCloud. I used to watch it from time to time throughout the year, whenever I felt the urge. I have since decided to reserve it for watching only around Christmas, and only once per the season. A single yearly viewing makes it an annual no-calorie treat. (I do the same with A CHRISTMAS STORY.) I have memorized every line of the movie, so I can run a scene in my head any time I might need a quick guffaw to keep my funny bone in knee-slappin’ shape. Hey, I am fully aware that a lot of y’all also have the movie memorized. It is a modern-day classic, for sure. However, I beg of y’all, please don’t leave the older, classic Christmas films off your holiday viewing list. If you don’t already have some black-and-white X-mas movies set to play, add a few. You won’t regret it. Your kids and grandkids might wonder what’s wrong with you, but they’ll thank you later.
It’s that time of year when stores of all ilks are getting way too people-y for my enjoyment. I generally like human beings, but I prefer them when they are not in crowds—particularly in the midst of a pandemic.
I always do my shopping early, but I inevitably think of things at the last minute, as well. This morning I realized Suzanne was down to one bottle of wine and zero bottles of Bailey’s, and I can assure you that is just not a sufficient supply to keep her jolly over her Christmas break and into the first days of the New Year. I had to get to the liquor store ASAP. Every hour longer I put it off, I will have to wait in a biglier line of more and more people. So off I drove in my Pontiac sleigh to the Bountiful liquor store, where I filled a small basket with a few bottles of Suzanne-pleasing libations. Triumphantly, I survived the throngs of spirited shoppers-for-spirits. I can cross that errand off my list.
But when I got in my car, what to my wondering eyes did appear? That dang Elf on the Bowtie on the Dashboard. I’m not stoopid. I knew why it showed up. Heck, we all know why it was there, don’t we? I swore off ye olde alcoholic drinks years ago. I spent twenty minutes in my parked car explaining to the Elf on the Bow Tie on the Dashboard that the potations I had purchased in the liquor store were not intended for my gullet. They were strictly for Suzanne and any masked, thirsty guests who might show up at our house during the holidays. I begged him to keep my name off the “naughty” list. The Elf on the Bow Tie on the Dashboard looked at me with a lifted eyebrow of suspicion. And then he abruptly winked at me and said, in a dastardly elf voice, “I know it’s not for you. I just wanted to give you a scare.” I breathed a very loud sigh o’ relief. But the whole drive home, I kept repeating to myself, “Man, I picked the wrong lifetime to quit drinking.”😜🍸
