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Wear Your Best Clothing Treasures Before You’re Dead

It’s not that I forget about my Suzanne-made cape collection. Indeed, I think about it all the time. I’d wear a cape everywhere, all the time—except I continue to have a problem I’ve had my entire life. When I have some extraordinary piece of haberdashery, I tend to decide not to wear it, for fear I will do something to destroy its majesty. When it comes to one of my capes, I get overwhelmed with the possibilities of how I could damage it while I’m out and about. I could spill on it, get it caught in the car door, get it caught in an elevator door, get it caught in a revolving door, and on so on. So I wear a cape sparingly and only at the very special-est of special events. But guess what! Every day is a special event.

This problem of mine must change. I must have more confidence in my abilities to keep my capes safe from harm. And so what if I spill on a cape? That’s what dry cleaners are there for. I am nearly an official old person, and it’s high time I wear my capes (and other clothes I “save” for only the mightiest of occasions) as much as I want to. Remember when you were a kid and for some strange, but logical-to-you reason you wanted to wear your swimsuit or cowboy boots—or both—to bed at night? There was no crime in that. And there’s no crime in my wearing my capes to bed or to the 7-11 or wherever. I must conquer this stoopid fear of ruining my most precious duds. By the time I die, I want all my cool clothes worn thin. And I think you should, too.

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Same New Shirt, Different Piece o’ Neckwear

For my grocery shopping venture over to Dick’s Market to pay way too much for the same ol’ food items this afternoon, I switched out my flower-power bow tie for an Art Deco Tie o’ the Day. I, of course, like this look more than this morning’s offering. This more closely resembles me: not so matchy, and a few watts brighter to the eye. The look gives off an entirely different vibe than today’s earlier bow tie, and this feel is more hip than hippie.

My denim jacket kind of dulls the bright look, rather than enhances it. I don’t have a coat collection, and I’m not gonna start one. But I should probably keep an eye out for a couple of coats/jackets that are more on my desired level of bigly eye-poppity. I need outerwear that adds to my fashion aesthetic, not diminishes it. Oh, wait—I have all my Suzanne-made capes, and they’re giving me ideas even as I type this!

As you can see from the picture, I had a run-in with the cereal aisle. It was a mistake to turn up that aisle, and it was a daunting struggle for yours truly. (Next to ice cream, unhealthy cereal is my fave junky food to eat.) Lent is really starting to bug me. How in the world can I be expected to keep from eating anything remotely in the neighborhood of junk food for a few more weeks, especially when there is a new sugarfest product I haven’t yet tried: Froot Loops with MARSHMALLOWS? Somehow, I finally found it in me to successfully keep all the boxes of Froot Loops with marshmallows out of my shopping cart, but I know I’ll find myself standing in front of them again on my next trip to Dick’s. Can I manage to do without this sugary product until Lent has been Lented out? I’m not sure. 🍇🍋🍊🍓🍒

I can tell you right now that the Froot Loops with marshmallows are going to be either extremely yummy or extremely gacky. There will be no middle ground as far as this combo of taste will go. That’s usually what happens when an already-perfect product exists, and its makers decide to tweak it: response to the new changeling edible goes off the charts as a bigly thumbs-up, or it crashes with a bigly, splatty thumbs-down 👍👎🕳. It’s gonna be either a mic drop or a hard pass. 🎤🏈 I can’t wait to taste-test the colorful, nutritionless rings and their accompanying marshmallow sidekicks. After Lent, of course. I hope I survive the remainder of these sugarless, saltless, ridiculously healthier days. No matter what, for Lent next year, I’m definitely giving up Lent.

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My New Shirt

I got a new Shirt o’ the Day yesterday, and I knew exactly which Bow Tie o’ the Day I should pair it with. At the risk of being too matchy, I think they work well together. So much so that the resulting effect leaves me speechless, er, wordless. The text of this post is already too long. Just gaze for a long, peaceful moment at the totality of the hippie vibes, and lose yourself in the psychedelic. 🍄

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It’s A Bright, Cold Day In The Neighborhood

Ukraine blue-and-yellow Tie o’ the Day and I spent some time squinting outside in the chilly sun this afternoon, as I de-pooped the backyard—cleaning up after the little poop factory we call Skitter. It is my firm belief that one should treat every activity like a bigly event and dress up for it. 👔🎩👛 Trust me, you’ll enjoy whatever you’re doing just a tad bit more.

I thought of posting a picture of the now-full, clear bread bag I used for the Great De-pooping Reset o’ the yard—as evidence of what I really did this afternoon. Fortunately, I like y’all a whole bunch, so I didn’t. I saved you from seeing that particular visual aid. Emojis will have to do. 🗑💩

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This Post Has No Title, But Thanks

Thank you to all of you fine folks who took the time to send me birthday greetings yesterday. I will have you know that I wore my birthday suit under my showy clothes all day—as I have done every day for the last 58 years. My birthday suit gets a bit wrinklier each year, but it’s still in pretty good shape.

Every year—as I grow more ancient—my birthday feels more like Thanksgiving to me than Thanksgiving itself does. My birthday is a day I feel beyond appreciative of the people I have come across in my life: people who have nurtured me, taught me, laughed at my jokes, tolerated me, encouraged my personal eccentricities, and just plain loved li’l ol’ me—some of whom I have never even met in person. I live a fantastic and rich life, and I have worked hard for it. But I am well aware I did not get what I have—or get where I am—all by myself. Nobody makes a wonderful life on their own. Although some people don’t want to admit it, we are all connected. We make ourselves better when we look out for each other. If you think you are alone in this adventure called life, please correct your thinking. You are not, nor have you ever been, alone. I am honored to be here on this planet with you. I carry you with me in the pockets of my heart, and you help to make me stronger. So thanks again to you all, my pals. 🏋️‍♀️

Have a groovy weekend, boys and girls! I’ll post again Monday morning. Be there, or be square. 🔲

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Dinner Was Da Best

I don’t know what you’d wear to your birthday dinner, but I wore my own birthday balloons Bow Tie o’ the Day. I also wore my birthday cake Cufflinks o’ the Day and my 3-D glasses Lapel Pin o’ the Day. Suzanne took me to dinner at STANZA in downtown SLC, which we have not been to since the pandemic began. It’s one of my fave places to dine. Suzanne had the spinach artichoke cannelloni and I had the pan-seared halibut. We also had dessert: Suzanne had cheesecake and I had a butterscotch concoction of some sort. It was a complete yumfest. The last photo herein is what I found on my chair when I got up to leave. It is that little end of paper they leave on your straw to keep it sanitary. Somehow it made it’s way to my chair, and my butt appears to have twisted it into the shape of a bow tie as I sat and ate. And now I am back on the Lent wagon, until beyond bitter end.

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A Long Time Ago, In A Far Away Galaxy In 1964…

Well, I’m having a delightful day so far, even though I have mostly busied myself with doing laundry and tidying up the Tie Room. I decided to forego the maple doughnut I was going to buy to celebrate myself this morning. I’m saving my Lent-breaking taste-buds for birthday dessert tonight at dinner with Suzanne. So it’s just been me and Skitter and this polka dot Tie o’ the Day.

Before Suzanne went to work this morning, she sang me a very high-pitched and wobbly version of “Happy Birthday.” It was faux operatic and just the kind of thing which brings me maximum joy. After Suzanne warbled the first couple of lines, Skitter did something she has never done since she’s been living in our home: she howled right along with Suzanne’s singing until the warbling finally ended. It was as if they’d been practicing together for weeks. I so wish I had been recording the hilarious duet. Now, I can heretofore refer to Suzanne’s singing of “Happy Birthday” as howl-inducing. Indeed, before the ditty was over, I was howling along with the song too. I can already see the howl-along becoming a new family birthday tradition.

I called Mom for my birthday, too. I do it every time I officially grow a year older. Today, I thanked her for giving birth to me at 4:10 A.M. on this date, 58 years ago. She was a bit stunned to think her baby is that close to being 60—as am I. I still feel like her baby, no matter how old I get. She told me she was 88. I gently reminded her she’s 91, to which she said, “Helfry! I guess I am old enough to have a baby as old as you.” (This is where I remind y’all that the word “helfry”—pronounced like the word “belfry,” as in “bats in the belfry”—is one of Mom’s cleaned-up, made-up swear words. I had the word tattooed on my back over a decade ago, in her honor.) Mom and I had a lengthy, laughter-filled phone chat, and she seemed to have a lot of pep today. I hope she remembers my call. But if she doesn’t, I’ll remember it for her. I love my tiny Big Helen. She was my first blessing. I’m her old baby, and I’m forever proud to belong to her.❣️

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A Bigly Day o’ Bigly News

Today, I am fifty-damn-eight. No, that is not the bigly TIE O’ THE DAY news I mentioned I would pass along to you folks this morning. Also today, because it’s my b-day, I have given myself permission to fall off the Lent wagon: I’m gonna eat some sweets over the next 12 hours. No, that is not the bigly news of which I wrote either.

As of late February, TIE O’ THE DAY—the website—has been up and running for 5 years. (It also ran for 3 years before that by group-text message.)That’s an anniversary I never anticipated, so thanks to y’all for making TIE O’ THE DAY welcome on your various tech gadgets. No, that’s not exactly the bigly TO’TD news either.

The bigly TO’TD news is this: To make it easier for readers to never miss a new post, I will be posting on a strict schedule—just like a “real” publication (postication?). No more posting whenever the mood strikes me. I have too many regular readers now—across platforms—for me to remain loosey-goosey about posting pix of me and my tie pals. TO’TD will now show up twice per weekday like clockwork, at both 9 A.M. and 5 P.M. Now you can be sure when to find me and the neckwear. I will no longer be posting at all on weekends. Weekends need to be my be-at-Suzanne’s-beck-and-call time. I’m sure y’all can understand that’s just as it should be.

And now that I’ve made the bigly announcement, I’m going to run to the store to buy myself a birthday pastry! Merry 58th birthday to me! Look for a fresh post this afternoon precisely at 5. 🎂🍰🎈

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Tunes During A March Snowstorm

I gave myself a pre-birthday present last night. I dragged Suzanne to a concert at the Eccles Theater in SLC. She knew next to nothing about the band we went to see: Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit. Shawn Colvin opened for them, which was great because she played solo—just Shawn and her voice and her guitar. She somehow made her guitar sound like an entire band. Yup, she plays that well. She is one of my all-time fave songwriters and has been for the last 30 years. Jason Isbell, on the other hand, is a recent discovery of mine. He plays a wild guitar, but I am most enamored of his songwriting skills. I have wide and eclectic taste in music, but there is one thing the artists I love to listen to have in common. They are generally superior songwriters. As a working poet, that makes complete sense to me. Words are music, too.

I often wear my wood guitar Bow Tie o’ the Day when I’m headed to a concert, and last night was not an exception. Excuse my uncouth Mask o’ the Evening, but my inner mode is sarcastic. I also wore my cassette tape “GOOD VIBES” lapel pin to the event.

All the usual concert types were there. You know, the group of women who didn’t open their mouths before the show, but as soon as the concert started, they immediately began talking too loudly—especially during the softer tunes. And, of course, there was the couple who just had to stand up and dance right in front of us, while holding their beers—which sloshed around and sprinkled the rest of us as they danced, kissed, and played air guitar. Remember lighters at concerts? Well, that was me last night: I wore my Bic lighter Cufflinks o’ the Evening in homage to concerts-back-in-the-olden-days.

We had a swell night out, despite the fact that Suzanne does not particularly like twang in her music. She told me more than once that she enjoyed the concert. And I almost believe her.

BTW I will be presenting some bigly news regarding TIE O’ THE DAY in tomorrow’s A.M. post. Don’t miss it, y’all.