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Suzanne’s In Labor

Suzanne really is in her office doing laborious labor on this Labor Day. She has a bigly project deadline looming at the end of this week, then it’ll be done and over with. But for today, her work project has put a crimp in our Labor Day celebrations. Alas, I am home alone, finding things to do to occupy my bipolar, clash fashion head.

Tiffany grapes design Bow Tie o’ the Day and I decided to spend some of our time reading the newspaper while simultaneously jumping around on the mini trampoline. (You’ll recall I was vacuuming while jumping on the mini tramp last week.) According to VOGUE magazine, the puffy coat I’m wearing in this advertisement is a Tory Burch creation, costing a measly $798. I won’t be buying one for y’all, or for me either. Heck, Suzanne can make me reversible capes for only $30 each. It will require her, however, to go into a kind of labor yet again.

Can you tell I have capes on my mind today? (Hint, hint, Suzanne. Got new capes made?)

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Have Yourself A Merry Little Labor Day!

BBQ Bow Tie o’ the Day says “buh-bye” to Summer and “howdy” to what I will call Not-Summer. We make our abode in Utah; therefore, we know not what season will show up next.

Fashion-wise, Labor Day is the last day it’s “okay” to wear white. Here’s my opinion on that “rule” of fashion: That’s absolute billshut. (See how I didn’t technically write a swear word there?) If you wanna wear white, wear white– whatever the weather. I do, however, believe there is a loosey-goosey Cape Season, during which capes can most appropriately be worn. It has to do with lower temperatures, not the “laws” o’ fashion. The day after Labor Day seems about the right time to begin checking the weather daily, and asking one simple question: Will today be cool enough to wear a cape without roasting?

I will be asking that very cape/weather question tomorrow morning. I already know the forecast says the days will be too hot for a few weeks longer. But it will make me happy to just know we’re in the “right” season to ask the question without seeming foolish. I’ll check the weather daily, crossing what’s left of my Hanky Panky for luck. I will miss Summer, but I am eagerly awaiting the wearin’ o’ the first Cape o’ the Day since April.

Eat, drink, and be merry, my friends, for tomorrow we go back to the grind. And it’s possible it’ll be cool enough outside for me to comfortably wear a cape to said grind.

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A Lazy Sunday

In fact, it’s such a lazy Sunday I’m only seeing in black-and-white. Or I’m just watching PERRY MASON, who happens to be showing off our Bow Tie o’ the Day. Perry is normally a tie guy, but he’s at a fancy art gallery party in this episode. Raymond Burr can wear a tux and bow tie to my house any time he’s able. Of course, he’s dead, so I don’t have to worry about what to feed him if he drops in.

I’ve been a huge PERRY MASON fan from about the minute I was born. The black-and-white presentation is part of its charm to me. And the characters! I’d go out with Hamilton Burger just to call him Ham Burger. Paul Drake is the suave-est wearer o’ sport coats I’ve seen on the small screen. And Perry and Della have wocka wocka chemistry going on. I could rave on about the show forever.

I’ve told Suzanne that if I’m ever in a coma she’s supposed to make sure the television is on 24/7 in my hospital room, just in case I can hear it. And the television is to play my fave tv shows constantly until I wake up from my coma or I die. PERRY MASON is first on the list of my approved coma-watching-worthy shows.

I’d round out my coma-TV list with COLUMBO, HILL STREET BLUES, THE CLOSER, MAJOR CRIMES, THE WIRE, HOMICIDE, IN PLAIN SIGHT, MOTIVE, and all the LAW & ORDER’s. And I’m sure I’ll waste plenty more time coming up with more shows for the coma-TV list.

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My Memory Mostly Works

Bow Tie o’ the Day and I will give this our best shot, and I think we’ll get most of these 1974 Delta Elementary 4th Graders identified.

Back row, left to right: Kendall Topham, Tim Topham, Darlene Church, Tom Ashby, Me, Terilyn Anderson, Richard Porter, Preston Eliason.

Middle row, left to right: Dan Hughes, PJ Clayton, Phyllis Christensen, Vicki Farthing, Sandy Finlinson, Stephanie Smith, Thayne Hardy, Ron Moody.

Bottom row, left to right: Janet Eliason, ? Lovell, Sharon Jones, Richard Jacobson, ??, ??, Valinda Jensen, Wendy Walker, Mrs. Elaine Knight.

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In 4th Grade, We Were Dorky

1974. I doubt any Bow Tie o’ the Day could redeem me from my own personal 4th Grade dorkiness. I mean, check out my developing unibrow. I’ve also got my first crop of zits beginning to pop out on my chin. Bad hair, bad teeth. Yup, ’tis I. I think Mom had made my shirt, so that wasn’t dorky.

The class photo shows that even my eyes are dorky at this age. Are my eyes mostly closed? Mostly open? Let’s split the difference and call my eyes “clospen” in the class pic. Have fun trying to name each of these souls in Mrs. Knight’s class. List ’em in the comments. Correct each other’s wrong guesses. This identification can be tricky because, although this is a Class of ’82, 4th Grade photo, we housed a number of Class of ’83, 3rd Graders in our class all year. Good luck recognizing our dorky selves.

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Gracie’s First Holy War: Before And After

Grace Anne Blackwelder stepped up her game with her fashion choices for the Ute v. Cougar rivalry game. Her bigly head Bow Tie o’ the Day put the blue BYU cherry on top of Her Highness’ noggin. Gracie knows how to dress for a Holy War– even though she’d never seen one until last night. She’s got kind of a flapper style in her, I think.

I wasn’t there to watch the game with Gracie and her family, but I imagine she cheered mightily in her Y-wear for the Cougars in their valiant, but losing, effort. I’m sure Bishop Travis and Bishopette Collette have indoctrinated her in BYU cheers and songs from Day 1. That’s part of their job as Cougar parents. I’m glad the U won, but I do feel bad Gracie had to experience a football loss.

I’m sure Gracie’s parents helped her get over the loss. I’m sure they put the whole thing into perspective for her. I can hear Bishop Travis and Bishopette Collette explain the up’s and down’s of life to our disappointed little Grace. They probably explained to her, through her overwrought wailing, that we can’t always win. And I am also confident Dad Trav regaled his wee girl with tales of BYU wins from past rivalry games. (He has a looooong memory, eh?)

I call the last photo in this bunch “Grace-ious In Defeat, Sort Of” or “Grace Is A Baby About Losing.” Her scrunched up face speaks volumes.

BTW Thanks to Bishopette Collette for keeping me in the Gracie loop, and for letting me re-post their Gracie pix when I run out of my own.

DOH!
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Grace Anne Is A Cougar. I Am Not.

I’m sporting UTE Bow Tie o’ the Day for the second time this week. BYU Tie o’ the Day is all for Gracie. It’s not her fault she’s a Cougar. Bishop Travis and Bishopette Collette are responsible for her Cougar-osity, as it should be. GO, UTES!

I am a Delta Rabbit. I’m also a Weber State Wildcat. I am even a University of Maryland (BC) Labrador. But I actually consider myself to be, first and foremost, a UTE. Back in the olden days, I studied and taught at the University of Utah for a few years while I was in Graduate School.

I never attended BYU, although when I was in high school, I did take a week-long BYU-sponsored writing workshop somewhere in some mountains near Provo, and it was taught by two BYU professors. Even though I was named Best Poet at the workshop, I did not turn into a Cougar. I generally root for the Cougars if they’re not playing against the U. It doesn’t kill me to switch sides. A rivalry does not mean you have to “hate” the other team, but it helps to do so at times. Fantastic pranks have been born of “rivalry hate.”

Certainly, if you’re betting actual money on any rivalry game, bet with your head. Bet on the best team, even if you’ll be betting against the team you love. You don’t have to tell everybody you bet against your heart’s team, and you can still wear your true team’s fan garb as you cheer your lungs out for them– losers though they might be, some years. With your secret winnings– from betting against your loser team– treat your pals from both sides of the rivalry to post-game ice cream and pizza. Nobody will care how you got the money.

GO, UTES!

FYI If you’re hanging onto your naive notion that Cougar fans don’t commit the sin of betting (money or otherwise), please take the opportunity right now to return to reality. It’ll be so nice to see you again when you get back.

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The Most Wonderful Day O’ The Year

It’s National Bow Tie Day, and you know my bow tie choices are seemingly endless. I started out with a clever bow tie-covered Ascot o’ the Day, then I switched to a bow tie-covered infinity scarf. From that look, I sort of morphed into a Bow Tie o’ the Day decked out in bow ties– with matching pocket square, and a bow tied baseball cap. Later in the day, I turned up in a bow tied t-shirt and hat, topped off by a well placed wood mustache Bow Tie o’ the Day. (All the bow tie stuff hails from BEAU TIES LTD. of Vermont, except the mustache bow tie.)

Skitter grudgingly humored me by wearing the bow tie Hairband o’ the Day. She didn’t like it one bit though, and she’s usually fine about joining in my bow tie games. I hope she’s not sick. Or sick of me.

The “Kiss Citrus” bow tie you see here is the gift Suzanne gave me for National Bow Tie Day. She has no idea she got me a gift. Well, I guess she knows she got me one now.

Who the heck do I think I’m kidding?! Every August 28 is National Bow Tie Day, that’s a fact. But from where I sit, every day of the year is an exciting bow tie holiday to me. I have a tough time sleeping every night because of all the anticipation I feel about being able to wear a bow tie the next day. It’s like I live a speshul National Bow Tie Day Entire Life. I cannot complain one iota.

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National Bow Tie Day Eve Strikes Again

Bow Tie o’ the Day and I have been gussying up the house for tomorrow’s bigly holiday: National Bow Tie Day. And we’re simultaneously getting in some much needed exercise. It’s a good thing VOGUE magazine showed up this month to clue me into wearing a fashionable puffy coat and frilly skirt, as well as to illustrate how to vacuum the house and bounce around on the mini- trampoline at the very same time.

It’s serendipitous that we even receive VOGUE and all of its relevant information in our non-vogue lives. It’s one of two magazines we’ve regularly received for years without ever subscribing to them. They are aren’t gift subs from anybody, and I can’t get the subscriptions canceled either. We just seem to have found ourselves on some elite list somewhere with the snooty people who get free things just cuz somebody put them on the snooty list for swag. I’m thinking TIE O’ THE DAY is simply that hip and that famous. It’s my ticket to the bigly time.

I wish VOGUE magazine had some effective trick to help me fall asleep later tonight, on this most exciting night of the year. As it is, I’ll do what I always do on National Bow Tie Day Eve, which is to crawl under my sock monkey blankets and count bow ties– like counting sheep– until my eyes can no longer stay open. It won’t put me to sleep, but it will give me a head-start on tomorrow’s National Bow Tie Day festivities.